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Tips on how to deal with meeting the family event


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Old 17th March 2018, 8:27 AM   #1
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Tips on how to deal with meeting the family event

Hi there,

I'm in a fairly new relationship- and it's all going incredibly well. It really is like a whole new level compared with my previous experiences!

Anyway- I'm due to go meet his family in April. They live about a 6 hour drive away- but we have been invited to a big birthday celebration for his mum. When he has met some of my family it has usually been short occasions- like he came to dinner with my mum and her partner when they were visiting, we went to visit my step sister for a few hours etc for my nephew's birthday. All fairly short and sweet and it went really well.

Well, now the nerves are hitting me for meeting his family... I've never "met the family" before because my ex was pretty distant with is parents and only saw them twice in the 2 and a half years we were together.

This occasion will involve travelling 260 miles for a birthday event. His mum has hired a park for her birthday- with a tour around a stately home in the grounds, a boating lake, a local folk band concert and then an evening disco. It's basically a whole day event. Plus we will be staying with her for the weekend too. And I'm starting to get nervous. I will be meeting his entire family that day! Mum, step dad, 2 brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc!! He says he's not worried about it at all- but I am. I mean- if they hate me I'm a bit stuck there!

Plus- what do you even wear to this kind of event? Originally I thought it was a disco etc so bought a dress (knee length ) but with the outdoorsy activities it will be a bit different. I feel like a boating lake is more of a jeans activity- maybe I should just get changed later in the day?

Also it could be cold- in a way I'm not prepared for. I've always lived on the South Coast (UK)- whereas this is the middle of Yorkshire... I've heard people "up North" are really friendly- but equally there can be a big North/South divide in the UK.

His mum is apparently ecstatic to meet me- and he had to convince her not to start messaging me on facebook before I'd even met her. He hasn't had a girlfriend in 11 years (long story- but he became Catholic while at Uni, nearly became a priest and then left that behind a few years ago), so I'm not expecting his family to be preferring an ex to me but I just feel at a loss of how to act, be, present myself- or even just what to wear for the occasion!!

I'm overly stressing about this. And it is just going to be a weekend- going Friday afternoon and coming back Sunday afternoon (after visiting his dad on the way back too!)

Any tips? Any wardrobe suggestions? Anything to put my mind at ease? Thanks!
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Old 18th March 2018, 3:17 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Penguin_hugs View Post
His mum is apparently ecstatic to meet me- and he had to convince her not to start messaging me on facebook before I'd even met her.
This is a good sign, I think. It's nice that she's receptive to meeting you rather than begrudgingly letting you attend. And why not let her message you on Facebook? Wouldn't that make you feel a little more at ease about meeting her in person? Maybe you can ask her what you should wear. That could endear her to you. I'd imagine that people will have a chance to change from afternoon clothes into evening clothes.

Don't be nervous. Just be yourself. Your boyfriend likes you well enough to introduce you to his family. He's not worried about it, so you shouldn't worry either. Don't talk about religion or politics. Be nice, smile, introduce yourself. Have a nice time.
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Old 18th March 2018, 8:15 AM   #3
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Breathe. It's a good "problem" to have.

A few things jump out a me.

First do not stay at the mom's house with your guy. No. No. No. Just no. I realize mom probably assumes you are intimate with her son but she doesn't need actual knowledge of that under her room upon 1st meeting you. Get a nearby hotel.

When out with the family, keep the PDA to a G rated minimum. Only say positive things about your BF to his family.

Second, park & boating = capri pants, not jeans. You want to be a little dressier then jeans but not all the way to the nice dress you had planned for the disco event. I'd wear a top & bring a cardigan & a jacket just in case. If you are really concerned, ask your BF.

Do bring something the 1st time you go to the mom's like cookies, candies or flowers. Get the mom a gift like candies, flowers, a pin or scarf.

Fourth, don't drink too much.

Finally be helpful. Offer to take the group pictures. Help clean up afterwards etc.

Go in with a positive attitude. Have fun. Use company manners & be respectful. Remember you like your guy. You should like his family.
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Old 18th March 2018, 8:55 AM   #4
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when i meet any bfs mum i don't really have a problem because i know they will be as nervous as me and i want them to be comfortable so i go to the best source who knows them and that would be the son.I do my research......find out what his mum is like what she doesnt like what hobbies she is interested in....whats her favourite color .......what flowers she likes, if she likes cut flowers if not flowers chocolates or a living plant .....i would bring something small and sweet...inexpensive but thoughtful. which i would take to a first meeting from me to her....i dress decent not too showy just simple clothes and flat shoes or boots....i dont want to tower over her and make her feel dwarfed by me....i can handle being dwarfed....

and fi she asks me how i know her favourite flower i will tell her your son knew your favourite flower when i asked him.....he loves his mum....

i would bring my sense of humor and i would talk to her about subjects i know from her son, interest her....i would tell her some of mine is she were to ask.....any question she asked of me i would answer honestly....and i am friendly......i wouldnt swear and i would be courteous and use my manners....yes pleases and thankyous.....i would show her respect....


these are my tips and i havent met one mum yet ...who hasnt appreciated who i am.....and i have met a few..you will find most mums are as nervous as you so put their minds and hearts at ease ..they will be appreciative of that if you do


.let them see that you care for your bf never put him down ....and if the mum does ..say something really positive about him and.change the subject.......deb
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Old 18th March 2018, 1:22 PM   #5
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Thankyou for your messages- I think I just needed some reassurance.

The facebook thing was over a month ago- she told my BF she wanted to add me as a friend to chat to me- but HE convinced her that it would be better in person. I think he'd rather we met for real first- he's not a fan of people messaging rather than meeting- like he's never done OLD.

Capri pants just made me laugh we are having freak weather in the UK and it's currently snowing. It's -1 degree celsius (like 30 fahrenheit) and I live in the warmest part of the UK... Yorkshire in comparison to where I live is flipping freezing!! Cardigans are my staple items . I think I may try the change midday option and maybe get my BF to do some digging over the dress code .

I'm short anyway- so heels wouldn't be an issue- but apparently BF's mum is a podiatrist and hates people in heels- so I'll be sticking with sensible shoes!
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Old 18th March 2018, 1:25 PM   #6
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Just wear trousers not jeans. The length doesn't matter as much as long as you are not wearing jeans or worse, yoga pants.
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Old 18th March 2018, 1:26 PM   #7
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I don't think I need to worry about PDA- not from my behalf. He's the one who goes for PDA in front of people. I had a little freakout when he kissed me in front of my mum after just meeting her 😂. We've since spoken about that! I'm not comfortable with PDA infront of family.

Unfortunately I think she is insisting we stay with them. No idea if we will have separate bedrooms etc. He was a Catholic until a few years ago (and was a virgin til me) but his family are non religious. But there is no way I would have sex in his family home! That's just disrespectful I think.
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Old 18th March 2018, 1:36 PM   #8
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You need to tell your BF in advance what your expectations are about the sleeping arrangements.

In my early 20s I was invited to spend a weekend at my BF's parents' vacation home. When we arrived, my BF said we'd be staying together. Meanwhile his sister was railing against the unfairness of her brother getting to share with me while her parents relegated her & her BF to different rooms. I was so uncomfortable with that. I suggested I share with the sister & while her brother / my BF & her BF shared. The parents were thrilled.

Unless the parents suggest it, I wouldn't insist on sharing.

I don't know the whole dynamic but I do think you need to discuss the situation with your guy in advance.

I do hope you have a lovely time.
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Old 18th March 2018, 2:20 PM   #9
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1. Try to relax
2. Freak out
3. Try harder to relax...

On a more serious note, I really don't think you need to worry too much about meeting the parents. Any decent parent just wants one thing for their child - to have a loving partner who makes them happy. I'm not saying you should go in flip flops and a tattered tee, obviously, but assuming reasonable boundaries I really don't think what you wear is likely to carry so much weight that you should worry about it so much. Personally for an outdoor event like that I'd say even nice jeans wouldn't be amiss, but that's entirely your choice.

I grew up in a tropical country and was in the northern UK (including Scotland) in April. The cold wasn't so bad. Just bring along a warm coat just in case, and you'll be fine.
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Old 19th March 2018, 2:53 AM   #10
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Thanks Elswyth

I think I'm over thinking this whole thing because I like him so much! He's really chilled out about the whole thing- said he has no reason to be nervous- thinks his family will love me etc. I just don't want to screw this up!

There is a bit of a North/South divide in the UK- so I've been a little concerned what his family will think of me. I have come across Northerners who think Southerners are really "soft"- particularly about the cold! There are so many memes and jokes about it! This year is just freak weather- I've never had to trudge in snow in my winter coat to work (I live next to the beach!!) because the buses aren't running in March!! But I've got a few ideas for clothing choices now- thanks!!
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