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Do you have a good relationship with your mom/dad/brother/sister?


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 17th February 2018, 1:28 PM   #16
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My mother and I had a terrible relationship with because of the sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse she inflicted on me. She discovered radical feminism and felt that it justified the way she treated me because it was about time men and boys had the boot on their neck. I became the punching bag for all her rage and she never showed any remorse. Despite that I forgave her because it isn't good walking around with that hatred and I was becoming no better than her by hating women.

My father I sort of get along with but he stood by and did nothing while it happened. When my mom would make me live on the street because she couldn't stand to even look at a male he refused to take me in because he didn't want to make her angry. That is how afraid he was of her.

I have no brothers or sisters.
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Old 17th February 2018, 1:59 PM   #17
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I am blessed with the most loving and supportive family I could imagine.
Even though I live in another state now, we have a family group online chat and we talk all the time.

My mum is the kindest person I have ever met. She is my best friend and has stood by me no matter what.

My dad is more reserved but we are still close. He is just not as good in expressing emotions. I tend to seek practical advice from him (i.e. mortgage, boss problems..).

My brother and I are also very close. We share similar sense of humor and similar interests.

I had a picture perfect childhood. The only downside is that they have all set a bar very high in terms of empathy and integrity. Once I was out in the adult world, I got a very rude awakening when I saw that most people are not even close to that.
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Old 17th February 2018, 2:12 PM   #18
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Once I was out in the adult world, I got a very rude awakening when I saw that most people are not even close to that.
Yeah, shocking, especially when the dynamic was reinforced by the neighborhood being the same way. It was like all of us had a community of parents helping out. Even decades later going back to the old neighborhood while caregiving a lot of those people, now elderly, were still there and it was just like old times.

Nothing in life is perfect, of course, and it was how the imperfections were handled that defined the experience. Lots of freedom with clear and unambiguous boundaries. Can't remember a lick of hypocrisy, the old 'do as I say not as I do' stuff. That instilled a lifetime of respect.
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Old 17th February 2018, 3:02 PM   #19
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Mom - raised me mostly but not fully as alone. She was a good mom to me (maybe not so much my older siblings). I can see however that for a while she treated me a bit to much like the man of the home when I was too young for that, but it was just the two of us for a long while. She died 10 years ago.

Dad - Left when I was 5. We kept a loose but regular connection as he moved around the world. Later when I was a young man he became very much more a father and mentor to me until he died 6 years ago. He was not a good father to my siblings - he was abusive and mentally sick for a few years with them. However 15 years after all that mess - and for 20 more years he was VERY VERY important to me and my life and well being. He knew me better than anyone, and always had my back as an adult. Miss him so much.

Stepdads - various. #1 was abusive bad man #2 was authoritarian but not bad man #3 was okay but I was moved out by then.

Siblings - All my siblings are much older - up to 12 years older than me and mostly had moved out of the home at 17/18. Age differences and the breakup of our family and their moving out - meant we were not super close, but we see each other once a year and talk on the phone once every 2-3 weeks. Connected, follow each others lives - but not deeply close.
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Old 17th February 2018, 3:06 PM   #20
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She got pregnant when she was 16, so that was why I signed up to serve, so i could provide for her and my nephew! (I used to send her almost all my wages home, and when I got medically discharged, i found out that all that time she'd been putting half or more of what I gave her in a bank account to give back to me!)
Wow, you two are good to each other! <3
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Old 17th February 2018, 3:13 PM   #21
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My mother and I had a terrible relationship with because of the sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse she inflicted on me. She discovered radical feminism and felt that it justified the way she treated me because it was about time men and boys had the boot on their neck. I became the punching bag for all her rage and she never showed any remorse. Despite that I forgave her because it isn't good walking around with that hatred and I was becoming no better than her by hating women.

My father I sort of get along with but he stood by and did nothing while it happened. When my mom would make me live on the street because she couldn't stand to even look at a male he refused to take me in because he didn't want to make her angry. That is how afraid he was of her.

I have no brothers or sisters.
Heartbreaking .
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Old 18th February 2018, 10:40 AM   #22
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Not close to my mother at all. She was very cruel to me as a child and it continued into adulthood. My mother doesn't like me partly because I stand up to her. She also hates the way I won't pretend to be close to her in order to save face. My mother used to others being too afraid to call her out for her BS. Now that my mother is elderly, she wants a close relationship but I am not interested in that.

Close to my younger brother. I'm very proud of the man he has grown into. He's a wonderful dad.

Very close to my father. I am his favorite child and he adores me. I was angry with him when I was younger because he never protected me from my mother's abuse. Now I realize that he was just a weak victim. It is what it is.
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Old 18th February 2018, 12:15 PM   #23
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Dad was in the navy and quite a party boy before he married mom. He was brilliant, witty, eccentric, charismatic and abusive, having suffered PTSD from being in WW11 and going through some awful stuff. In the navy he was the champion wrestler in his weight category. When I was nine he came into a relationship with Jesus Christ and began to change into the most wonderful man you can imagine that I became very close to.

I could write many touching and entertaining stories about dad. Others have written stories about him that are published. He died about 18 years ago.

Mom is a talented, brilliant fun-loving lady and people who know/have known her always mention her beauty to me. I have never been close to her but since she has gotten quite old she is more open to being close with me which I'm thankful for.

I have brothers and sisters I like but am not close with at this point. We have a sister who has narcissistic borderline personality disorder and keeps our family dynamics stirred up so I have just distanced myself from being close in order to keep my sanity, lol! I do go to family functions and enjoy being with my family, though. My NBPD sister has alienated herself from our family and doesn't attend family functions, thankfully.
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Old 18th February 2018, 12:20 PM   #24
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My mother and I had a terrible relationship with because of the sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse she inflicted on me. She discovered radical feminism and felt that it justified the way she treated me because it was about time men and boys had the boot on their neck. I became the punching bag for all her rage and she never showed any remorse. Despite that I forgave her because it isn't good walking around with that hatred and I was becoming no better than her by hating women.

My father I sort of get along with but he stood by and did nothing while it happened. When my mom would make me live on the street because she couldn't stand to even look at a male he refused to take me in because he didn't want to make her angry. That is how afraid he was of her.

I have no brothers or sisters.
Woggle, I am in awe of what a great guy you seem to be despite having gone through this. I am glad you post on LS. Hugs to you!
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Old 18th February 2018, 12:36 PM   #25
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Dad - He was my absolute hero once, i was such a daddys boy as a kid, but not any more.. I haven't spoken to him since i was 10. My sister has chosen to see him a few times in recent years, says he always asks after me but, it is what it is, I just can't

Mum - I don't think shes a bad person, just weak..... I've watched her go through so much man, an abusive partner in my teens, alcohol problems that she still suffers with to this day, depression... I tried, but you cant save someone from themselves so i guess i just detached from our relationship, self preservation thing.. its hard to watch someone destroy themselves.

When I was 15, this guy she was engaged to at the time, was abusive, he grabbed her in the kitchen and I went flying in and punched him.. he was 6'4 and built like a tank, I got a black eye, a split eyebrow (that i should have had stitched) and what I'm pretty sure was a broken rib...... and she didnt throw it out, she just made it all my fault! All i'd been trying to do was help her. We never really moved passed that.

I dont actively not speak to her or anything though, we just never do... I saw her last a couple of years ago she came to the hospital when i was medically discharged from army.

Sister (twin sister) - I'm not good enough with words to say what that girl means to me! She's a saint! It always felt like us against the world growing up! She's been my biggest cheerleader, my best friend, my organiser, my defender, my stand up comedian, a ruddy great headache, a teacher, a chef, a partner in crime. I don't know how people go through their lives without a sister like that!

She got pregnant when she was 16, so that was why I signed up to serve, so i could provide for her and my nephew! (I used to send her almost all my wages home, and when I got medically discharged, i found out that all that time she'd been putting half or more of what I gave her in a bank account to give back to me!)
I love them both, endlessly
Casper I'm sorry that you had such lousy parents but your relationship with your sister is truly touching. I'm glad you two had each other.

As for me:

Mom - my mom was also a weak person. Needy and self centred. Not a bad person, she actually had some wonderful qualities too, but she couldn't be independent, needed a man, and needed to feel like the center of the universe. I loved her and wanted to be close to her until I was in my late twenties and started to want our relationship to go both ways. Our relationship had always been all about her. Her needs, her feelings, her demands. She was not capable of a give and take relationship and so I grew distant from her. Never stopped talking to her but just really lowered my expectations and kept her at a distance.

First brother - he was my first sibling, born when I was 13yrs old and I adored him and still do. He was part of the reason why my mom made me so angry. Because when my mom wound up divorced and I had left home long ago my brother was only 10yrs old and my mom unleashed all of her neediness on him. By the time he was a teenager he was literally taking care of her rather than her taking care of him. He has grown up to be a fine man who is nothing but kind and caring and I'm proud of him.

Second brother - he was born when I was sixteen and I had already left home. I think this brother has a mental illness or personality disorder. When he was a kid he was diagnosed with ADD but his behaviour and problems go way beyond that. He is abusive, he uses people, and he is incapable of feeling empathy or thinking of anyone else beyond himself. He also had a very toxic relationship with my mother where she had no boundaries and no rules where he was concerned. In his mind he owned her and she existed solely for him, yet he treated her with total contempt and disrespect and she acted like there was nothing wrong with a son screaming foul names at her, spitting at her, pushing her, etc. She put up with his abuse until she moved into a care home full time 8yrs ago, believing that deep down he really loved her. After she went into care and she no longer had an apartment where he could come and go as he pleased and she could no longer give him money (my other brother took over her finances and bills) my brother washed his hands of her. He has never even visited her once in the past 8yrs. Since I only ever saw him at my moms place I haven't seen him in the last 8yrs either and for the most part I'm good with that.

Biological father - don't have much to say about him. Didn't meet him until I was 30yrs old and then we only had a polite relationship where I would talk him a few times a year. We never got close or developed any sort of meaningful relationship. He died 15yrs after I met him.

Stepfather - my mom married him when I was 9 and I went to live with them fulltime. Before that I had lived with my grandma or other people. He was an alcoholic and hard drug user. I was scare of him as he was abusive. He cheated on my mom and beat her up once but she was weak and needy and never left him. When I was 11 he and my mom gave up drinking and drugs and became born again Christians. Sounds like a happy ending but it wasn't. He became a total religious fanatic who used God as a weapon. Now not only was I a disappointment to him, I was also a huge disappointment to God. He was still miserable, controlling and mean. I ran away from home at sixteen to escape him. My mom stayed married to him until I was 23 but I still saw him from time to time because he was my brothers biological father. I never had a good relationship but he did try to make amends with me and he did really help me out a couple of times so I had softened up to him somewhat. He died of liver disease 8yrs ago.
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Old 18th February 2018, 1:27 PM   #26
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Woggle, I am in awe of what a great guy you seem to be despite having gone through this. I am glad you post on LS. Hugs to you!
My earlier posts are much different in bad ways I am glad I am not that man anymore. Hugs back to you.
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Old 18th February 2018, 2:48 PM   #27
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I love everyone in my family, well who is left anyway, but my one sister I can't stand.

Luckily she lives in Orlando and I don't have to see her much. She'll be at my son's wedding in May next year but I have lots of time to get mentally ready for that and hopefully don't end up punching her in the throat.
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:38 PM   #28
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Casper I'm sorry that you had such lousy parents but your relationship with your sister is truly touching. I'm glad you two had each other.
Yeah, me too, truth is i'd have been lost without her, growing up she kept me sane.....our childhood definitely wasn't great but i think maybe that's a big part of why we ended up so close, so, i guess maybe everything does happen for a reason, I dunno!


Everyone that knew him always used to tell me how like my dad i am, they were right i guess.. If you got a photo of him at my age and put a beard and some tattoos on it I dont think you could tell the difference between us! But they used to tell me how like him i was as well, personality, mannerisms, the works ...and i used to hate it!! I used to hate that association! I so didn't want to be him! I didn't want to let people down! For sure there was a time when my life could have slipped down that same slope but I pulled it back because, its out choices that define us, not out genetics and I choose a better life!! So I might not have been set a great example growing up but I've watched my family fall apart and i've watched all those mistakes that i refuse to make in my own life! I wont make those mistakes with my gf, and one day if i'm blessed with kids of my own then i wont repeat these mistakes, i choose to do better!

Some people get stuck letting their past define them.. but you have to choose to see to see it as an opportunity, or even as a warning, so that you can have stronger, more positive relationships in your own life! ....For sure I know there was people that thought I was destined to end up either drunk like my mum or in jail like my dad but.. boys all grown up - and I didn't! I might not be Bill Gates or David Beckham, but I have a loving girlfriend, a great relationship with my sister and my nephew, and some pretty awesome friends..and you know, I'm actually pretty proud of that, thats the stuff that really matters!
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Old 18th February 2018, 8:28 PM   #29
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I have good relationships with my parents and sister, but I'm not super close to them. I'm just a bit too different.
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Old 18th February 2018, 8:34 PM   #30
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Some people get stuck letting their past define them.. but you have to choose to see to see it as an opportunity, or even as a warning, so that you can have stronger, more positive relationships in your own life!
Your story is very inspirational. My prayer for you is that someday (if not already) just ONE person falls into your life/path who you can help minister to/guide. Someone who needs to hear this message and this strength and this positive outcome from you. I truly believe that every hardship in our life (no matter if it's small or big) is put there so that we can help the next person get through it. And hopefully more than one.

Thanks for sharing, Casper.
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