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Sister woes

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Old 30th December 2017, 4:55 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
Sister woes

I’m not sure how to deal with this situation with my sister.

She was in hospital in February having all sorts of tests - turned out it was just a stress and a migraine. She comes out of hospital and decided she’s needs to meet someone. Goes on a couple of OLD, meets a guy and in August he proposed. They are currently moving in together. She had a small religious ceremony before moving in together in October. She turned in to bridezilla for this. There were only a few guests but she spent days shopping, stressing about hair and make up. And ended up alienating both myself and my mom. She would ask for advice but took it as criticism. She uses my flat for a small party afterwards without really asking - I didn’t deal with this very well - partly because she has been so difficult during the planning. I also feel like I don’t know her fiancé very well. They go on holiday for a week. She comes back and acts like it didn’t happen. Sends loads of WhatsApp’s, writes everyone a letter with photos from the wedding but doesn’t actually make any real time for anyone. Sees my parents once between Oct and xmas. I realise I am not making an effort or reaching out but I feeel so angry about it.

She then invited everyone to xmas at her new house with her new in laws. We have met her in laws once at her wedding. Myself and my brothers family don’t want to go - and it would mean that she wouldn’t see my parents at all over xmas. I said I didn’t feel comfortable doing this, partly because her small ceremony was awkward.

Anyway, xmas came and wenot. We had it at home as usual. She pops in with he fiancé for a couple of hours - barely spends any time with anyone and goes.

I got really angry sent her messages explaining how I felt she had disappeared since she got engaged. That she put him first, that we were all like strangers etc. She then replied blaming it on work and her hospital appointments. Saying it’s her choice.

Basically I can’t get past this anger and upset. She’s planning this big wedding which on the surface will look great but all her family feel alienated. I know from speaking to my brother and sister in law and my parents that they feel similarly.

How do I deal with this? Am I in the wrong? I feel like I could be.
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Old 30th December 2017, 5:53 AM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Yes I think you are in the wrong. She’s married now.

She may settle into her marriage more after a while and start coming around more but that may take a bit.
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:16 PM   #3
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Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 6,610

Your are 'angry' and 'upset' because your sister is exercising her free will right to conduct her life as she wants to and sees fit.

Even if it will cause her stress and suffering down the road, hopefully she will still learn from it and thus will grow and stop making the same mistakes.

So, you can learn to grow yourself - by allowing your sister (and all other people) to learn and grow from making their own mistakes - so you don't need to take on the stress of trying to control their mistakes or trying to control them from making any mistakes in the first place.

Makes sense?
"Good or benign intentions do not provide a defence." ~ Tony Wong, Reporter
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