Money is the root of all evil

[stayclassi]

As every one is preparing for Thanksgiving we are all in a midst of feeling grateful for everything we have. In my family, Thanksgiving is traditional. We talk about the menu, the decor, the location, and everything else. But this year we changed the location to my sister Mary’s house. She will be hosting and she made it clear that she wasn’t going to make the turkey at all.

She even insisted my 60 year old Mother make the turkey, then bring it over to the Thanksgiving gathering. I thought that was ridiculous. Do you know hard difficult it would be for my 90 lb Mother to carry a turkey over to her house, yet alone transfer it with all that excess fat and oil? I thought she was crazy, so I called her “Selfish.” She went off on me. Calling me all sorts of crazy names and how disrespectful I was for disrespecting my elders. But the only thing I did was call her selfish…. She said, cooking the turkey will be too “stressful.” I thought she was insane. It’s Thanksgiving.

After calling her selfish she went on a rant… talking **** about her financial stability. But let me tell you, Money is the root of all evil. So I fired back! There was no way I was going to let her talk to me that way. She disrespected me first after I called her one word. “Selfish.” I guess it really hit home with her. It must have hit her pretty damn hard.

 

Anyway… Here’s some background about my sister and I. We are ten years apart. She is thirty six and I am twenty six. She has a successful, fullfilling career as a register nurse at a major company and and I am still working at a restaurant full time while attending college trying to get my **** together. I work hard for what I have, yet she has belittle me ever sense. Making me feel worthless and never good enough. But I pay for my own **** and just because I am not walking the same path as you, nor am I at a point where I want to be that does not mean I am not “adulting. “

 

When I was ten years old half my family moved from California to Massachusetts. Mary stayed behind along with my other sister and two other brothers. My Father also left our first American Dream home behind. He left it for Paul, his eldest son to take over. Paul was suppose to pay the mortgage and make sure everything was okay. But he didn’t. He ****ed up my parent’s credit and lost the house. My sister Mary who was the second eldest was there to pick up the pieces. She said she saved the house. I was too young to remember and don’t know the full story because I was ten years old at the time… But she threw that incident at me. Like she was the one that broke the camel’s back for helping my immigrant parents.

 

My Father fought during the Vietnam war and was granted to come to the States in the 1980’s. That was a time of tragedy, triumph, and resilience. To me that was a blessing. I would do anything to give back to them without question or doubt. But Mary threw that in my face. She said via text as we were arguing, “Oh really bitch! You really need to recognize. You are ****ing dumb. You know nothing about adult life. Who ****ing stepped up when parent’s lost their Visalia home, who ****ing helped with B’s funeral. I do not need to answer to you. No one was able to so you better rethink how disrespectful you are. Who ****ing helped parents financially all the ****ing time me. So shut the **** up yo”

 

That really hit home with me. All because I called her selfish for not cooking a Turkey for Thanksgiving. A dinner she is hosting.

 

It was ironic though. Yes. She wanted me to respect her yet she was being so nonchalant and evil about it. Yes bitch! You owe my parents your life. They came to the States to give you a better life. To give you an education where you wouldn’t struggle like them. So in my eyes you owe them. You owe it to them to help them financially, because they didn’t get the American dream they wanted. But you did. You were the first one in our family to have a college degree. Because you were the oldest. It is your duty to do it. To me, she must feel like we are all a burden to her.

 

When my brother died, she was able to help thousands of dollars for the funeral expenses. I didn’t have the money or funds to so I didn’t contribute. But I gave my time and effort. To me nothing beats time and love. But for Mary all she cared about was money. Yet money is the root of all evil.

She was never there for my brother. She even kicked him out a few years ago on Thanksgiving day for smoking in front of her house. I will always remember that day. I hated her for it.

 

When I was telling Mary off I said via text, “I don’t need to respect you. You weren’t there for us growing up so let’s not go there. I don’t give a **** if you are my elder. You was never there for your sisters and brothers.” and she wasn’t. But she did not acknowledge that. She never did. The only nice thing she has ever done for me was buy me dinner, or buy me something I never asked for like a $50 lipstick. Who needs that anyways?

But for me… I am always breaking my back to watch her kids. When they forgot to pick up their kids from school. Who was there to pick them up? Me. When they needed a baby sitter who was there? Me. I even switched shifts in order to accommodate her. But never once has she ever did anything for me. She may have done a lot of thing’s for my parents but never for me. So NO I don’t think I need to respect her. If anything she should respect me for babysitting her damn kids.

 

She had no right to talk to me this way. What do you think? Am I in the wrong? Because she is DEAD to me. I will never forgive her for this….

Btw. I won’t be attending Thanksgiving dinner, especially since its at her house.

 

One more thing… No one had my back. This was a family group text. My brother tried to be the mediator. But I feel that they should stand up to her. No one ever does, accept me. And that sucks. She is ignorant and to me the principle means way more to me, than money ever will.

 

She think's buying people stuff is love. It isn't. To me it feels like We are all a burden to her. We don't live up to her standards, expectations, and lifestyle... She does more for her friends than she does for us. That is a FACT.

 

Please give me some advice because her words really hurt me. Should I be more understanding?

Edited November 15, 2017 by stayclassi

[GunslingerRoland]

Just to focus on the Thanksgiving thing... if your Mom is on her home, you're right it might not be reasonable for her to move the big turkey by herself.

 

Couldn't your sister do the Turkey, the big item at her house, and have people bring other more movable things to reduce her stress?

 

If your sister doesn't want to do a turkey though, why should she be forced too? Thanksgiving is about more than the type of dish served...

[Redhead14]

You can't fight unreasonability with unreasonability or like behavior. One of you needs to be the bigger person for the greater good of the family. Perhaps, it should be you. You can simply say that you won't engage in fighting and arguing anymore. You want everyone to have a nice Thanksgiving. If you're so concerned about your mother carrying the turkey, you go there and carry the turkey for her. You both are engaging in "right fighting", you both want to be right. Is it so important to be right?

 

And, not forgiving her hurts you and the family more than it hurts her. You aren't wrong and she isn't right. Next year, you host Thanksgiving.

 

In my family, it's usual for everyone to bring something, everyone helps. If making a turkey is a burden for your mother, your mother can and should address the issue, not you. Frankly, it appears that this particular argument started over a turkey and then a whole bunch of unrelated/unresolved old stuff was dragged into it. The burden of making a turkey really isn't enough to warrant ruining the holiday.

[stillafool]

Children don't ask to come into this world. As parents we are supposed to try to give our kids the best life possible for them to succeed. Our kids owe us honor and respect. Your sister doesn't owe you anything. Give her a break.

[stayclassi]

My sister is having a friend thanksgiving at her place and she is making a turkey for her friends. Not for us. So I'm mad because she is obviously doing more for her friends than her family. We always bring side dishes all she needed to do was bake the turkey. But she didn't want to. And we also had to postpone thanksgiving to work around her friends thanksgiving. Which is bull****. So no I won't give her a break.

[anika99]

First of all your mother is 60, not 90. Sixty is not old and frail. Secondly, if what your sister says is true then it does sound like she has done plenty to help your parents. She may not have done much to help you but she wasn't asking you to bring the turkey. Which brings me to the last point. Your sister and your mother agreed that your mom would cook the turkey and bring it to your sister's house. It has nothing to do with you and it's not your business. If your mom didnt' like that plan then it's up to her to say so. Again, your mom is not an old lady who can't speak up for herself.

 

It's ridiculous to have this much anger and fighting over who is going to cook the stupid turkey. You don't have to cook it so stay out of it.

[Cobra_X]

My Father fought during the Vietnam war and was granted to come to the States in the 1980’s. That was a time of tragedy, triumph, and resilience. To me that was a blessing. I would do anything to give back to them without question or doubt. But Mary threw that in my face. She said via text as we were arguing, “Oh really bitch! You really need to recognize. You are ****ing dumb. You know nothing about adult life. Who ****ing stepped up when parent’s lost their Visalia home, who ****ing helped with B’s funeral. I do not need to answer to you. No one was able to so you better rethink how disrespectful you are. Who ****ing helped parents financially all the ****ing time me. So shut the **** up yo”

That really hit home with me. All because I called her selfish for not cooking a Turkey for Thanksgiving. A dinner she is hosting.

 

Vietnamese family drama. I've gotten involved with women from Vietnam twice and both times the family drama was crazy. I don't get along with my sister either. I deal with it by lowering my expectations for her to rock bottom.

 

My suggestion is to give up worrying about what your sister does or doesn't do for you or your parents. If she want's to just pay for things and that's how she shows filial love and duty... then just go with that. You show love by giving time and emotional support. Maybe consider that one is not better than the other, they are just different ways of expressing the same love.

 

My sister is a taker. She never gives anything. Just be glad your sister isn't like that and remember that you are not competing with her.

 

Does that makes sense?