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Siblings like stalkers

Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 5th November 2017, 7:28 PM   #1
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Siblings like stalkers

To make a long story short, I'm the scapegoat of the family. I recently bought a house and have siblings trying to do whatever they can to sabotage me in every way imaginable. I'm like the captive they hate but can't stand to see get away.

My brother just moved two hours away to a city out of necessity due to bad health. Where I live, there is nothing for him by way of doctors and so forth.. it's a very small town, but he keeps phoning me hinting around about moving in here with me where there's NOTHING HERE for him. It was a place he never wanted to move back to (it's where we grew up) until I moved here, that is... now it's got some kind of particular charm for him.

He phones every day but on weekends phones to an insane degree. If I don't answer, he leaves messages on my answering machine to the point where I have to unplug it to stop the barrage of phone calls.

It's particularly bad if through facebook he finds out there's something going on in MY town on the weekends, and phones to feel around to see if I went out or not. I get the impression he can only breathe easy if he knows I'm always sitting at home alone, and goes into a panic imagining I might have gone out on the weekends.

He and my sisters are the same, can't stand to think I might get a life when no one is looking. I have nothing to do with my sisters anymore, but my brother keeps them up to date on my doings though he swears to me he doesn't.

I do have a lonely life right now. That's the only reason I talk to my brother. But I feel like he's trying to keep me in a prison. He's disabled, has no life... wants me to be in the same boat, lonely and miserable as well. I can't take this anymore, I feel spied on, snooped on and nervous as my siblings are notorious for trying to wreck my life ... Yet if I didn't have my brother to talk to I'd have no one. It's a very small town, there's no one here for me... nothing to do... and I can't afford to do a lot or to get away a lot...

what are your thoughts on this? I don't know what to do. I feel stalked by my siblings. I really do.
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Old 5th November 2017, 11:11 PM   #2
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Have you heard of "living vicariously"?
You say your brother is disabled and isolated. Why wouldn't he be interested in the success of his siblings? Particularly if these are moments of independence that he may never experience on his own.

Additionally, he might want to move near you because he relates you to safety. If something were to happen to him he'd feel comforted knowing you were nearby.

You say scapegoat but didn't mention any particular way these family members are sabotaging you. Phoning? Leave it off the hook.
You're so paranoid that they think you're doing exactly what you're doing- which is staying at home. Why?

I would assess if you're exaggerating any part of your life to your family that you would be ashamed for them to know how you're truly living. Because otherwise, there's not much of an issue there. Family members call, they check in on one another, that's what they do. It's not sabotage.

Last edited by Frostedflake; 5th November 2017 at 11:14 PM..
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Old 5th November 2017, 11:55 PM   #3
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I can relate to people who have had bad experiences with family and sabotage, so I'm inclined to believe your story.

That being said, I would not have your brother move in with you unless you're interested in and prepared to be a caretaker. It sounds like that's what he may be looking for. Does he have mental health issues? His phone behavior sounds like it.

Have you tried talking to him about how you don't mind connecting with him but the constant phone ringing is a bit jarring? Perhaps you can suggest having a scheduled phone call with him at a particular time during the week or on certain days that works for both of you? And to refrain from calling between then unless it's an emergency?

I suggest keeping regular times where your phone is off for your own sanity. I like to feel unplugged and off the grid, too. Doubly so if I had someone calling incessantly. Maybe inform your brother that you will be unavailable during some stretches of the week for some me time, so it works best if he calls you at XYZ.
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Old 6th November 2017, 1:50 AM   #4
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Phoning you every day and leaving too many messages sounds annoying and overbearing, but the rest just sounds like he misses you and wants to be a bigger part of your life. I'm not seeing how he's trying to ruin your life or keep you in a prison or anything.

There's probably more to the story than you're sharing here now, so if you really do feel that your brother wants you to be lonely and miserable and is somehow trying to sabotage you, and the only reason you do still speak to him is that otherwise you'll have no one else to talk to, it's probably time to cut him out. You don't need someone in your life who is working against you.

But again, I'm just not seeing how he's trying to ruin your life. Is there anyone who knows your situation better that you can ask for an unbiased opinion on this? If not, maybe you can try going into more detail here.
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Old 13th November 2017, 3:48 AM   #5
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change your phone number and block them from your FB. you got away. the scapegoat escaped!!

your other issues is finding ways to fill your time. that's up to you.

do not take him in. under no circumstances let your family reel you back in.

good luck
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Old 15th November 2017, 4:46 PM   #6
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Indeed I've had awful experiences with my siblings. I didn't elaborate enough, but I've lost jobs due to them, lost friends due to their sabotage, I've been sabotaged financially, I've had them try to get between me and any potential romantic partners due to their lies... I've been stabbed in the back by them in favor of them trying to "help' someone who hates me try to hurt me... in other words, literally thrown to the wolves.

This includes my brother, and four sisters... all of them... the same. All of them miserable. And me so very different from them in every way who does not play the victim as they all do but who goes for my dreams and am well liked unless there is anything they can do about that to see to it that people's good feelings about me don't last.

For those of you who are not aware of this and are firing shots at me for being paranoid, go read up on it on the internet. This kind of thing is very common and I've lived with it my whole life.

My brother phones during the week, but goes crazy on Friday and Saturday nights in particular with the phone suddenly ringing off the hook every ten minutes if I don't answer. Knowing him, he gets anxious on weekends that I might be out dating or socializing.... the thing about abusers is that they hate you, but don't want you to get away. They can't stand to think that you might go away and have a beautiful life without them.

And there's no way in hell I'm going to be caregiver to my brother. I was my dad's sole caregiver for four years before he died. I'm always the one giving and giving ... because my siblings are cold and selfish and I'm the only one with a heart. I guess you could call them narcissists. Go research that if you don't understand what it means rather than call me paranoid.

And thanks to the posters who gave me support, here.
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