TunaInTheBrine Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 My sister gave birth 8 months ago, and although I am very happy for her I am starting to grow both irritated and concerned by how much she is posting about her baby. She posts anywhere between 1-3 photos every day of her baby, and all of her other posts are links to articles about motherhood and related parenting stuff. At first after she gave birth, I thought this wasn't too unusual, even if it was a little more excessive than other women I know...but it has been 8 months now and she won't stop! I admit I am a little annoyed that every time I log in to facebook or Instagram, she and her child are taking over my news feed. But what is more concerning to me is how much of her identity is invested into this kid to a degree that to me seems unhealthy. I worry what's going to happen when the kid gets a little older and he is not so "perfect" anymore in her eyes and she forgets who she is as a person besides being a mother. Am I just being a jerk here? I haven't said anything to her about it and I don't think I'm going to, because she is very sensitive and I believe she would flip out on me. On the other hand, I can't help but think this can't be healthy, and I can't be the only who is getting insanely annoyed by her posts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 The baby thing drives me nuts with everyone. I literally could not care less about baby photos. Also, people who celebrate how old their kid is every month. We get it, your baby is growing like all babies do. I don't have any real advice just letting you know that the baby posts are excessive and aggressive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 This is what new mothers do. I was once one (before social media) and I was OBSESSED with my babies. Seriously, you can't even think straight. It's like your brain is washed with some chemicals or something and you can't even see yourself and how obnoxious and annoying you look to the outside world. Anyways, it's the stuff that makes a woman a good mother and care for and love that child they way that they need to be. So just let them do it and just put her posts on ignore so you won't see them if it annoys you. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 So true! My oldest son started visiting his dad when he was around six months old and all I did for the few hours he was gone was look at his photo albums the whole entire time. It's like we are programmed to be obsessed with our babies or something which is probably a good thing considering how dependent on us they are. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 So true! My oldest son started visiting his dad when he was around six months old and all I did for the few hours he was gone was look at his photo albums the whole entire time. It's like we are programmed to be obsessed with our babies or something which is probably a good thing considering how dependent on us they are. My friend said she used to put her baby to sleep in the crib and just stare at him lovingly while he was asleep. Lol! I used to do that too. And now this thread is probably going to turn into a bunch of mothers talking about how in love with their babies they are/were, which is exactly what the OP doesn't want. LOL! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 If you want to keep peace with your sister , don't say anything to her. Period. Most mothers do this. Let her have her time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 It's partly hormonal, but it is true a lot of mothers just toss their former identity aside and live through their kids from then on, and I do think that's sad. I can understand being fascinated with watching the baby develop. I mean, I'm fascinated by my garden variety dogs and i watch them sleep too. But I know better than to think anyone wants to see a photo of them more often than maybe once a year. But that's her social media to express herself, and right now, this is all she's into. And this is why I don't have Facebook. I don't want to have to block someone who's a friend because all they do is post unwanted photos of their kids. Now, I have a close friend and I will always want to see their vacation photos, and she's a good photographer, so there's usually something interesting in there, but that seems to be mostly what's on Facebook if you're an adult with adult friends. I'm not sure if it still works or not but UnBaby me is a download that will change baby photos to something else. It amazes me that so many mothers think everyone finds their children as fascinating as they do. It's only because no one is going to hurt their feelings by telling them outright otherwise, so they take that as approval. Still, rather see them obsessed with their kids than neglecting them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 The obsession new mothers have with their babies is nature's way of ensuring we don't leave them outside to die when the won't stop crying Anyway, there's an easy fix to your problem - when she comes up in your feed, click on the little arrow at the top right of her post and select 'see less of these'. It will clean up your feed. And in the meantime, I would offer the thought that seeing love and joy on my feed is a whole lot more pleasant than seeing hate and anger. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 ^ I would agree but it can be so annoying that it inspires hate and anger. Plus people post the GROSSEST photos of their kids, with snot and baby food all over them. It's disgusting. I had an old friend and the only photos she sent me of her first kid was it covered in orange goo! She thought that was cute. When I knew her in college, it would have made her throw up. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 If you want to keep peace with your sister , don't say anything to her. Period. Most mothers do this. Let her have her time. I agree about not saying anything to your sister to keep the peace. What I've noticed on social media is that people who post obsessively about their own interests are often self absorbed types. I know new mothers who post lots of photos about their babies, but before they had babies they were posting selfies every fifteen minutes (just being facetious but you get the picture, excuse the pun!). I also know some new mothers who are more balanced about their posts. The types who post only a few photos of their lives from time to time I have noticed are more balanced people, more secure, more socially aware. So, ya, there are self absorbed people, and people who are more secure and confident. Those people would exist with or without social media. Social media just makes it easier to identify them from a distance and...keep your distance from them, lol! I have a few FB friends who are over the top posters on social media about everything they do. I also have FB friends who are their same age but not as self absorbed. The difference in the two types really stands out in my FB feed. I pretty much avoid, as much as possible, the exhibitionists of social media! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Try to have some compassion. The birth of a child is a monumental milestone in a woman's life. That's why new moms are obsessed with their babies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TunaInTheBrine Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Try to have some compassion. The birth of a child is a monumental milestone in a woman's life. That's why new moms are obsessed with their babies. Excuse me for having an involuntary response of annoyance when everytime I click on facebook or Instagram the first thing I see this baby. I'd like to think that my not saying anything to my sister is compassionate. As if my instinct feelings make me innately 'bad' or something. Come on. And yeah, I get that new moms are obsessed with their babies, but my sister really does take it to a whole other level. Be obsessed, I get it...but does the whole world REALLY need to know every little thing that your baby does every moment of every day? I sometimes wonder how much time she is holding her phone up to this kid's face waiting for the right moment to snap the right picture. I do think her social media behavior is unhealthy, and I'm sticking to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Excuse me for having an involuntary response of annoyance when everytime I click on facebook or Instagram the first thing I see this baby. I'd like to think that my not saying anything to my sister is compassionate. As if my instinct feelings make me innately 'bad' or something. Come on. And yeah, I get that new moms are obsessed with their babies, but my sister really does take it to a whole other level. Be obsessed, I get it...but does the whole world REALLY need to know every little thing that your baby does every moment of every day? I sometimes wonder how much time she is holding her phone up to this kid's face waiting for the right moment to snap the right picture. I do think her social media behavior is unhealthy, and I'm sticking to it. I agree. I have a distant relative who is doing this. The baby is very ordinary in appearance but they can't put enough photos of her out there with all kinds of captions and comments about her. Poor kid when she's a teenager and all these photos of her are floating around on the internet! What about the future of the child when that happens? Think about it. Once it's on there anyone can lift it off and keep it, too. I have beautiful children and grandchildren who are "stars" in their own realms and never post a photo of them on social media for this reason and a couple of others. This usage of children's photos and videos for the entertainment of others and bragging for parents and grandparents is not really what I want for my family. I am so glad there aren't photos of me from the time i was days old and throughout my childhood floating around on the internet! For those who post just a few photos from time to time, I have no problem with it, but am not doing it to my family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TunaInTheBrine Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I agree. I have a distant relative who is doing this. The baby is very ordinary in appearance but they can't put enough photos of her out there with all kinds of captions and comments about her. Poor kid when she's a teenager and all these photos of her are floating around on the internet! What about the future of the child when that happens? Think about it. Once it's on there anyone can lift it off and keep it, too. I have beautiful children and grandchildren who are "stars" in their own realms and never post a photo of them on social media for this reason and a couple of others. This usage of children's photos and videos for the entertainment of others and bragging for parents and grandparents is not really what I want for my family. I am so glad there aren't photos of me from the time i was days old and throughout my childhood floating around on the internet! For those who post just a few photos from time to time, I have no problem with it, but am not doing it to my family. Your post made me realize that part of why this all irritates me so much is that it's not about the baby...it's all about her! It's not really different from the friend we all have who posts every day bragging about their job, wealth, success, etc... That serves only them, not anyone else. There is nothing 'social' about this kind of social media, and the baby literally gets nothing out of the social media frenzy. I even wonder over time the effects on personality development of constantly holding a phone up to your child's face and trying to encourage them to 'get it just right' for you. If motherhood is supposed to be about the baby, I just can't see how this serves them. I hate to say it, but it seems quite narcissistic to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Excuse me for having an involuntary response of annoyance when everytime I click on facebook or Instagram the first thing I see this baby. I'd like to think that my not saying anything to my sister is compassionate. As if my instinct feelings make me innately 'bad' or something. Come on. And yeah, I get that new moms are obsessed with their babies, but my sister really does take it to a whole other level. Be obsessed, I get it...but does the whole world REALLY need to know every little thing that your baby does every moment of every day? I sometimes wonder how much time she is holding her phone up to this kid's face waiting for the right moment to snap the right picture. I do think her social media behavior is unhealthy, and I'm sticking to it. And I repeat - click the "see less of these posts" and your problem will be largely diminished. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 ^ That almost makes me willing to get Facebook. I just don't want to get in a position of having to block someone. I recently did on Twitter and ignored an email from someone and I still have guilt from it, even though they took up with my best friend's first husband.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 ^ That almost makes me willing to get Facebook. I just don't want to get in a position of having to block someone. I recently did on Twitter and ignored an email from someone and I still have guilt from it, even though they took up with my best friend's first husband.... Don't feel guilt. It must be done sometimes. Putting them on ignore, that is. After a while you can un-ignore them and test the waters. If they are still annoying, then back on ignore they go! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 ^ That almost makes me willing to get Facebook. I just don't want to get in a position of having to block someone. I recently did on Twitter and ignored an email from someone and I still have guilt from it, even though they took up with my best friend's first husband.... You don't have to block annoying people on Facebook - you can simply stop their updates from hitting your feeds. They can still message you and you can still look at each other's feeds. You just don't have to see all the rubbish they post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Don't feel guilt. It must be done sometimes. Putting them on ignore, that is. After a while you can un-ignore them and test the waters. If they are still annoying, then back on ignore they go! Yup, I do this too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 I don't have children but when a new mother sends me pictures of the baby or talks about the baby I admire her. I think it's adorable and if the baby is present it brightens up my day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 My sister gave birth 8 months ago, and although I am very happy for her I am starting to grow both irritated and concerned by how much she is posting about her baby. She posts anywhere between 1-3 photos every day of her baby, and all of her other posts are links to articles about motherhood and related parenting stuff. At first after she gave birth, I thought this wasn't too unusual, even if it was a little more excessive than other women I know...but it has been 8 months now and she won't stop! If you are the babies aunt and you are that annoyed I can't imagine how much everyone else on her Facebook must be... I agree it's over the top, you can unfollow her, or just ignore it. But what is more concerning to me is how much of her identity is invested into this kid to a degree that to me seems unhealthy. I worry what's going to happen when the kid gets a little older and he is not so "perfect" anymore in her eyes and she forgets who she is as a person besides being a mother. When you are a parent to an 8 month old, that baby is whats going on in your life really. Of course that is your identity. I'm sure it'll evolve as the baby gets older, I wouldn't worry about it, just based on a few Facebook posts a day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TunaInTheBrine Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 You don't have to block annoying people on Facebook - you can simply stop their updates from hitting your feeds. They can still message you and you can still look at each other's feeds. You just don't have to see all the rubbish they post. I actually did do this on my facebook, but on Instagram I don't think there is an option. That's the main one. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Excuse me for having an involuntary response of annoyance when everytime I click on facebook or Instagram the first thing I see this baby. I'd like to think that my not saying anything to my sister is compassionate. As if my instinct feelings make me innately 'bad' or something. Come on. And yeah, I get that new moms are obsessed with their babies, but my sister really does take it to a whole other level. Be obsessed, I get it...but does the whole world REALLY need to know every little thing that your baby does every moment of every day? I sometimes wonder how much time she is holding her phone up to this kid's face waiting for the right moment to snap the right picture. I do think her social media behavior is unhealthy, and I'm sticking to it. Nobody has said you were "bad" though your reaction to your sister's completely benign behavior certainly is. You wouldn't react so defensively if you knew that you were being reasonable and fair. If you don't like what your sister is posting, you can easily unfollow her or you can remove her as a Facebook friend. However, you will never be able to control what others post on Facebook. Quite frankly, posting this thread to complain about your sister being overly besotted with her first newborn baby comes across as rather sour. If you "got it", you would not be complaining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I'm wondering if this animosity stems from some type of sibling rivalry because having a niece or a nephew should be a source of joy, not cause you to be so angry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TunaInTheBrine Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 (edited) I'm wondering if this animosity stems from some type of sibling rivalry because having a niece or a nephew should be a source of joy, not cause you to be so angry. Look, I just get annoyed that EVERY time I open my Instagram all I see is this kid's face. I feel like he should have his own app. Is it so awful that after 8 months I am sick of this happening every day several times a day? I don't think so. And no, I would never be angry toward my sister about it. I get it on an intellectual level, but on a personal level I am getting pretty annoyed by it all. I would feel the same if it were anyone else doing it, but I've never seen someone be so extreme about it out of my whole friends list as she is. I've unfollowed her on facebook, but I don't want to remove her from my Instagram because she might get upset, so I'm still trying to figure that one out. The mods can feel free to close this thread now. I think I've gotten all the help on this thread I can stomach. Edited May 15, 2017 by TunaInTheBrine Link to post Share on other sites
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