barbossa Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 In the past have you set clear boundaries for your family/friends on their level of involvement in your relationships? outside perspectives might be useful but what boundaries have you set in the past or do you set so that people in your social circle don't sabotage your relationships? I have had several short term relationships that did not progress becuase i felt the girl was too close with her family 1. I briefly dated a woman whose License plate for her car was ILOVEMIKE ( and mike was her healthy adult son) it was always her car, but i just found it too much She was super hot but, it was a just too much for me to be comfortable with 2. Another girl i dated would just ditch me to be with her family and we never spent thanksgiving, 4th of july, xmas dinner together because she preferred to be with her family only. 3. My own Mom interferes too much sometimes and she manipulates me to feel that I am prioritizing my gf over her, Makes demands of what i should be doing in my relationships Who I should be dating, etc etc which cause friction and fights between herself and I Who can share what they have done or do now? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 i listen when they speak ...i respect them and their choices even if i dont agree...i just pray ...and hoep they dotn eat dirt too hard.......they must do the same.....for them and i to have a good relationship.....if i am happy...they should be happy.......i am blessed with a family who trusts me.......because i make consistently good decisions.....i strive for good...and right ...in all i do ...i fall over sometimes makemistakes because i am even when fearful im not fond of failing at all but who is........i am actually fearless.....i go for it.... they know...i am determined.....its what my mum said about me getting my license ......she said i know you will get your license and i know you will be a good driver...because you dont know any other way to do it.....she said you are determined and when you know its right you go for it...........my daughter said her heart was in her mouth when she listened to me ask a guy out on a date......face to face up close and personal i did it..... my family respect me ...even though they hav ewatched me fall...they know ill get back up......take my time ....adn try again.....when i am happy ...my family are overjoyed fro me.....when i am unhappy...they get anxious......i am strong for them always supportive no matter if i agree or not..so i guess you could say ...i lead by example.....they will treat me how i treat them ..or we have a problem...i woudl prefer they love the guy i am with ...adnyou know what ...if i love him...they do too....i just tell them why i do ...they dont question my perception normally......if its good and right....i fit snot good and its nort righ tfor m e..fi tis against my values and beliefs...then ....my family stand up to m e...adn it gets heated......so i dont go against my values and beliefs and i dont have a problem....its my choice int he end.......if it is right..its right...........deb Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 You can't very well ask a significant other to change their relationship with their family. You can ask to be included when they spend time with them but asking them to cut back on the time they spend with their family isn't fair. Now, how you choose to interact with your significant other's family is completely up to you. And vice-versa. My former brothers-in-law were alcoholic idiots that I couldn't stand to be around. My ex mother-in-law was Bible thumper that felt the need to push her beliefs on everyone, including me. I would spend time with them on holidays and other special occasions but I didn't go out of my way otherwise. I never made it a point of contention but I did establish boundaries. I never expected my ex-wife to avoid contact with them but there were times when I wouldn't join them. Especially if alcohol was involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 (edited) You can't very well ask a significant other to change their relationship with their family. You can ask to be included when they spend time with them but asking them to cut back on the time they spend with their family isn't fair. Now, how you choose to interact with your significant other's family is completely up to you. And vice-versa. My former brothers-in-law were alcoholic idiots that I couldn't stand to be around. My ex mother-in-law was Bible thumper that felt the need to push her beliefs on everyone, including me. I would spend time with them on holidays and other special occasions but I didn't go out of my way otherwise. I never made it a point of contention but I did establish boundaries. I never expected my ex-wife to avoid contact with them but there were times when I wouldn't join them. Especially if alcohol was involved. say for example my significant other had a problem with alco0hol or smoking.....my family woudl not drink or smoke around him out of respect for him adn my love for him..........when i knew they were drinking or whatever and we had the option to spend time together .....i would ask them not to drink while he was there..or i woudl say lets go to your place today...... ...for example my mum and my sister smoke...and for my church friends( not even a significant other i dont have one)...but my girlfriends from church....they wont smoke or drink ..because they know they dont......out of respect...my mum even will say debs do i smell like smoke..and breathe on me.......so as not to offend senstive noses....she vacumes her car even....thats the effort we go to ..... my church friends dont realize this or maybe they do ...but as a family we respect others...and people who come into my home friends friends of friends lovers whoever..... should respect us right back...thats how things work in my family.....my family does everything they can to make others feel welcome comfortable respected and cherished........i think its almost a duty for others who come to our home to respect us without knowing what we do behind the scenes......a significant other fo mine...would soon feel and know...my family..........and sometimes they just suck....i dont take to disrespect though...all visitors to my home are treated as ...family.......if i feltthey would nto be comfortable because we often have cyclones at my house..i woudl suggest meeting elsewhere....a sig other...would have to accept and love my family or he doesnt deserve to be part of it.....he is welcome to get pissed at them...i often do ...doesnt change the fact...they ar emy family i love them ...... and i would accept his as is ...flaws and all............deb Edited April 6, 2017 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
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