Jump to content

Moving out and moving on


silkroses

Recommended Posts

A, 30, and I, 21, have been dating for about a year now. We met through work, and have been seeing each other quite often. He has asked me quite a few times if I would marry him, and I said yes. It was not ever the "real proposal", so technically we're not engaged. However, we are planning on getting married in about 2 years.

 

Right now, I'm attending school and I told him that I wanted to finish before I settled down. He agreed and so, we're waiting.

 

I've met his whole family. They're real nice and warm people, and they made every effort to make me feel welcome into the family. All his siblings are married, and his brother is to be wed in June. I, on the other hand, have one brother who is 17 years of age, and has met A, just twice.

 

My parents don't like A. Plain and simple. They think he is too old for me and that I am too young to be committing into a serious relationship. I guess the thing that hurt me most was that, they never even met him (or did they want to give him a chance). They told me I shouldn't see him, and that was that.

 

However, being rebellious and determined, I told them I wouldn't stop seeing him. I loved being with him, and he didn't do anything to me that I should just stop. So, against their wishes I continue to see him, every day.

 

I live with my parents right now, and am planning to move out soon. They are very old-fashioned, so they don't think I should leave just now. They have high expectations of me, and believe that I (the oldest) should set a good example. Thing is, it's getting harder and harder to continue to see A and live with my parents. They disapprove of my choices and make sure I know about their opinions.

 

I decided it would be best I should move out. So, I told them that I was planning on moving out as soon as this semester was over. However, they don't know that I have decided to move in with A.

 

I love and respect my parents very much. It is painful to feel torn between people you love. I know that the concept of me moving out will make them angry, and I'm sure that once they know I'll be living with A (whom they don't like), they'll be furious.

 

I have already decided I'm going to go. It is just nerve wracking on how or when I'm going to do it. Thing is, my parents are not the easiest people to talk to. Never have been, and I don't know if they ever will.

 

Any suggestions?

Link to post
Share on other sites

SR:

 

First, I'm a parent of a 22 year old daughter. I don't like her boyfriend, even after giving him several chances.

 

Second, I can see their point about thinking you are too young to be committing. I can see their point because I did just about what you are going to do. I went from living with my parents to getting married and living with my husband. I never had any "me" life. I never knew that I could make it on my own. I never had a sense of independence. After several years of marriage, I think that is one factor in my leaving.

 

Third, my parents did exactly what yours did. They never met my soon-to-be husband, but they hated him. We got married anyway and eventually they got over it. I must say that, although I have given my daughter's boyfriend plenty of chances, I still can't stand him. She has purchased a house and he has moved in with her. *SIGH* I don't like the idea, but I have come to accept it.

 

I have had to decide if I wanted to hate the situation so much that I lose her or if I can overlook him being there in order to keep her in my life. I chose to keep my daughter in my life in spite of her boyfriend. Know why? Because when he gets caught doing something he isn't supposed to be doing or when she has three kids and his @ss is sitting on the couch while she is working two jobs, MOM will be there when she needs someone . . .

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for the insight, Lil Honey.

 

After a lot of thinking, and deciding when and how I should do it, I had first thought about waiting a little while. About two weeks was my original intention. However, I've finally decided I'm going to do this... probably tomorrow.

 

I know that telling them later will not change their reactions, as to if I were tell them now, so I'm just going to do it. Right now, I'm not sure if I feel emotionally ready for the worst, but I'm prepared to do what I feel I need to do. I know for sure that they will not be happy, but I don't know how they are going to take in this information. And that is scary. My mom's a little on the short-tempered side, so who knows what could happen.

 

Knowing about your situation gives me hope though. Perhaps, one day my parents will come around too to accept my decisions that I made.

 

:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...