Jamisonblamelessone Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 My wife is rather controlling and I am rather submissive most of the time. Although recently a good friend I record music with and produce Tunes with who is 20 years older than me asked me to go on a trip to the desert to explore some writing. When I talk to my wife about it and ask her permission she didn't really have a good reason but didn't want me to go. So I decided to say I'm going without your permission. She is now insisting that this is not how a marriage works and I must not do something like this without her blessing because that is not something a good husband would do. And of course being a submissive husband type this is making me feel bad. Is it acceptable for me to make a decision on my own as a man without her permission? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 My husband goes skiing with his mates every year and has never asked my permission. He just informs me that he's going. I can't say that I've asked his permission to do things either. That said, he wouldn't have done it when the kids were little and I was needing a bit of extra support around the house. Likewise, his mates would also have had to do stuff with their kids. But now that we are older and have less ties, there is no reason not to. I think it's good to make a stand. But are you prepared for the outcome? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Should you be able to? Yes. Can you in practice? Not necessarily. I think it's more a problem of how you go about it. Our spouses don't own us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Is this "good friend" a man or a woman? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mangue Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 You should go imo. It's not how a marriage should work (one SO forbid something without a good reason). If you settle for this she could lose respect for you as a man, submissiveness is not a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Many might not agree with me, but marriage is a commitment to share your life, not lose all say and become someone's puppet. You admit you are submissive, which means she has become accustomed to calling the shots bc you haven't taken a stand or voiced your opinions, at least not very often. I love my hubs, so I encourage him to do things that make him happy. Happy ppl get along much better than those who hold resentments and/or have little to look forward to. You only live once, and it's often too short to live in misery and jealousy. I think your SO is self-centered and insecure if she can't handle you taking a four day trip w/o her. However, I also think the answer to elaine's question is relevant and might change the perception of your posed question. So, is this good friend male or female? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 My wife is rather controlling and I am rather submissive most of the time. Although recently a good friend I record music with and produce Tunes with who is 20 years older than me asked me to go on a trip to the desert to explore some writing. When I talk to my wife about it and ask her permission she didn't really have a good reason but didn't want me to go. So I decided to say I'm going without your permission. She is now insisting that this is not how a marriage works and I must not do something like this without her blessing because that is not something a good husband would do. And of course being a submissive husband type this is making me feel bad. Is it acceptable for me to make a decision on my own as a man without her permission? If you want to go just go. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 If there are not any left out details in your post of course you can go. This isn't old communist russia where you had to get papers to travel. You can go BUT... you will pay dearly for it. She sounds quite domineering. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 The label ' controlling ' is often misused. If he is going to spend the money that is meant for kids or mortgage or some other bill , she is right to stop him. That's not controlling. Is he even working ? Do they have enough to spend of this type of ' luxury '? Does she also go out alone on trips ? So many variables that are missing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 I agree the gender of this "20 years older" person is needed. You were very careful to avoid using any telling language to who this person is. Plus, you talk about being "submissive" a lot. Most people aren't really "submissive" (abuse victims aside). They usually just don't care enough to make up their own minds or are passive aggresive or conflict avoidant. But give them something they really care about and they can't be budged or they build resentment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 I agree the gender of this "20 years older" person is needed. You were very careful to avoid using any telling language to who this person is.. If this "good friend" was a man then who cares how old his "buddy" is??? Why would he even mention how old "he" is? My guess is that his "good friend" is a woman. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 My wife is rather controlling and I am rather submissive most of the time. Although recently a good friend I record music with and produce Tunes with who is 20 years older than me asked me to go on a trip to the desert to explore some writing. When I talk to my wife about it and ask her permission she didn't really have a good reason but didn't want me to go. So I decided to say I'm going without your permission. She is now insisting that this is not how a marriage works and I must not do something like this without her blessing because that is not something a good husband would do. And of course being a submissive husband type this is making me feel bad. Is it acceptable for me to make a decision on my own as a man without her permission? Is the person you're going away with for four days a woman? I'm betting your wife has picked up on some weird energy about her and is reacting to that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I was wondering this too. OP has not been back. If it's a guy I don't see the big deal in going. I think spouses need a short vacay once in a while from each other. As long as there are no newborn babies or really important family events he is going to miss. Is this "good friend" a man or a woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ibra Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Is it acceptable for me to make a decision on my own as a man without her permission? I think it is not in all of cases. Link to post Share on other sites
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