KittyKat67 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) I love this forum, over the past few years I have been able to get life changing advice, thanks to everyone!! I have an issue I need help with. I recently moved back in part time with my parents (which is going extremely well), my 41 year old brother still lives at home. He wakes up at 2pm, goes for a smoke, then ea 2 hour bike ride, comes home watches tv, eats dinner, then plays video games until 1 am EVERY SINGLE DAY. His room is a hoarders room, you can't see the window or walk in his room you can climb over and onto the bed where the is only room for 1 body, the rest is covered in boxes...etc. I know he is depressed as he has not worked for 4 years and told me he was traumatized at his last job. He is also traumatized by my dad which I recovered form using EMDR and extensive therapy. This is the issue I am having. My mom tends to repeat herself alot. And over the years I guess it just grates on him. So he is constantly saying " you said that already" in a rude way to me and my mom. At first I was like whatever, but I think he is being petty and rude. I mean I can call him out on what he does but I don't want to fight. I know he feels bad because he knows he pisses me off when he says it, then will come around me and try to be nice. He is hurting, and I get that. My question is this. Would you just not talk to him any more around the house? I wanted to establish and be buddies with him as I really like him but his rudeness has caught me off guard. I know he isolates himself and I know deep down inside he is hurting....but its bothering me alot and I thought that I would just tell him the next time he says : you already told me that" tell him "yea well get over it and sorry your suffering about that". He repeated himself a few times and I didn't call him on it because its petty and I don't want to lower my self. But is this the only way to teach him? He is 41 year old man and he is like a kid. Its so sad. I can see why he has issues with the people at his jobs...every job he gets he quits after 3 months. **almost all the times he says " you already told me that", maybe so, I guess I haven't seen him for so long I just wanted to talk to him and find something to talk about. Does it get on everybody nerve when people repeat themselves? I find some of my friends do that but it doesn't make me so irritaed I have to tell them unless maybe they would say things 5 times...lol. Edited September 23, 2016 by KittyKat67 Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Is there nothing can be done to encourage him out of his bunker/siege mentality? There would appear only two possible ways to go: 1. Attempt to discuss his verbal retorts in a none challenging way. Promote some debate on the matter and introduce concepts to him whereby he could engage more helpfully. 2. Put up with it and accept it. I spent last Saturday with an aged customer who asked me where my ex lived whenever there was a pause in the conversation, say every 5 or 10 minutes for four hours. I answered politely each time. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Your brother suffers more than from depression...he is mentally ill and needs help. He has been mentally ill all his life, and this has nothing to do with being traumatized from a job 4 years ago. As he gets older and it is left untreated it will only get worse. Is there any way to get therapy for him and counseling for the rest of you? The only way this is going to work is that you all get together with a therapist that specializes in hording. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Tell him since he is very good at retaining what others say.. That a profession is out there that needs that skill. Ask him to chew on that for awhile. My experience in getting help for a family member has been a series of road blocks. So while it's easy to say there are places to get such help. A limited or no income will send the person down a rabbit hole. It isn't a pick up the phone and make an apptment. they will take the entire household members income and tell you to pay up in spades before they dope him up and he gets to spend months trying to adjust. It's got to be unnerving to the sane person to be spoken to in such a rude way. Retain your healthy boundary. a brief and assertive statement to him should suffice. And since he has a great recall., tell him to recall it before engaging a smarty pants comment. Link to post Share on other sites
FastHands Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I'd encourage him and not give up. Sooner or later he will snap out of it. He probably will realize that what he is missing is part of a self rewarding life. Link to post Share on other sites
Kendalltbt Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Maybe he needs love and more attention. Link to post Share on other sites
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