JewelD Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I already know this post is so fked up, but I am so confused by my own feelings right now. So this past week, I went on a family vacay and we met up with extended family. I've met my cousin "Frankie" a few times before, when we were toddlers, 10, and the last time when I was 15. So that was about ten years ago. Anyways, I think he's my second or third cousin. His great aunt is my mother's first cousin. So we all hung out this weekend and we had a blast! I love talking to all my cousins because they're just really nice. We all exchanged numbers so we could find each other when we went out partying. So me and Frankie hv been texting since the vacation, just normal stuff. But I feel like I have a crush on him, which is soooo fcing wrong, I know. and I don't date men. I have not experienced any type of attraction for a male in years. I just don't understand why this is happening. Has anyone else ever crushed on a family member? He's a good texter, so maybe I just like the attention since my friends are always busy with their bfs? oh god, fml. I'm afraid to even tell anyone I know about this. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Don't stress about it. Fact is the reason we're conceptually repulsed by inter-family romance is social, not biological. It's entirely possible to be sexually attracted to a 3rd cousin lol, but social norms have stated for a long time that it's unacceptable (because birth defects etc.). But that still doesn't make social norms and biological drives match up. Bottom line is don't beat yourself up over it but yeah no if you're feeling the tinglies you really should shut it off bc cousin relationships aren't viable. Also NBD about being primarily into girls - you're very likely bisexual anyway and have been all along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Once I ran into a fifth cousin when I was with a friend. My friend couldn't get over how hot he is. I hadn't seen him since we were teenagers and he definitely grew up to be just, HOT. I did think- this sucks that we're related. I've had lots of inappropriate crushes that grossed me out- why am I attracted to this person. I wouldn't let it bother you too much, just obviously you can't act on it. And maybe the fact that you and your cousin got along so well, you felt comfortable around him, had something to do with it. One of my best guy friends who's been gay forever shocked me a few months ago with this announcement that he started dating a woman. I think for lots of people sexuality is fluid and that's okay. I may never understand it, but do we really need to understand it to accept it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JewelD Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 I do enjoy talking to him though. I definitely don't plan on saying anything about it or trying to turn the convo into something other than G-rated. Is it bad if we talk to each other though? I feel like I'm just so damn bored. I just miss talking to people. and the dating thing has to be OLD for me right now and that has just been a pain in the ass and so much unnecessary stress. and now thinking that I might want to date men too makes it worse. I hate the idea of it bc I hated dating them when I was. Not just the sex part, but the way a lot of them act. and a ****ty male date to me is so much worse than a ****ty female date. Ik there are some good men out there, but I also know a lot of them are *******s or really just looking for sex and I don't have the patience for weeding them out. Ik women can be like that too, but the selection is not that big. It would be great if I could find a man/woman who was similar to my cousin as far as being kind and patient, but I feel like he acts that way towards me because I'm his cousin. If I weren't, he'd probably be like a lot of the crappy guys I've dated before. Idk, usually I understand why certain things happen or I can come up with a good explanation for it, like, "yeah, this relationship didn't work out because you guys are incompatible" or "you're not having a ton of success with dating bc you're supposed to be focusing on other aspects of your life right now". I can't find any explanation for this or what I'm supposed to learn from it and what it even means. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Sometimes things don't really come w an explanation. /shrug I do enjoy talking to him though. I definitely don't plan on saying anything about it or trying to turn the convo into something other than G-rated. Is it bad if we talk to each other though? I hate to say it but yeah, prob not good. Just bc you'll only get closer and that'll just make the feels take root. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JewelD Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Sometimes things don't really come w an explanation. /shrug I hate to say it but yeah, prob not good. Just bc you'll only get closer and that'll just make the feels take root. Ugh, it's just so hard for me to stop liking people. Even when they've done crappy things, I still have feelings for them for awhile afterwards, even during NC. In this case, it's like, besides being my cousin, he didn't do anything wrong so I'm having even more trouble killing the attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 One thing I just want to make sure of, there is no chance some messing around happened when y'all were younger, is there? I hope not, but that's often how it happens. Anyway, as long as you don't plan on doing anything about it, try not to stess about it. He might be freaked out if he knew you were gay. I would try not to get focused on him because it could only end up in a messy mess. Maybe you just need to start dating!! And maybe this is your way of finding out you're ready for an emotional connection and not just a physical one, so when you start dating, do it with that in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JewelD Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 One thing I just want to make sure of, there is no chance some messing around happened when y'all were younger, is there? I hope not, but that's often how it happens. Anyway, as long as you don't plan on doing anything about it, try not to stess about it. He might be freaked out if he knew you were gay. I would try not to get focused on him because it could only end up in a messy mess. Maybe you just need to start dating!! And maybe this is your way of finding out you're ready for an emotional connection and not just a physical one, so when you start dating, do it with that in mind. No, nothing ever happened between us. I thought about opening my okcupid to men and women, but the dating thing has not been working out for me in the past year that I've been doing it. I had decided to just take a break from dating for awhile since it was causing so much stress and distracting me, but maybe I'm supposed to keep trying I suppose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Ugh, it's just so hard for me to stop liking people. Even when they've done crappy things, I still have feelings for them for awhile afterwards, even during NC. In this case, it's like, besides being my cousin, he didn't do anything wrong so I'm having even more trouble killing the attraction. You'll get past it. Distractions are good at these times .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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