Parents are negative about everything in life

[SerCay]

I just hung up the phone angry with my mom...

 

This is an issue that has been around for so long now, maybe even when I was a kid, but I wouldn't know, as I don't remember.

 

My parents are the most generous people in the world towards me and my brother, but also the most negative. Everything is negative, like EVERYTHING.

 

I cannot explain this in general clear lines, but I will give you enough examples, so you can get an image.

 

Mom:

 

I: Mom, I tried this new diet thing, where I sit down to eat, without any distractions, and my food really tasted so much better!! I also decided to eat moderate amounts, of things that I love, added to my diet. (currently losing weight, lost 15 pounds, and still going and trying new things daily). Mom: hmm, you tried that the other time. It didn't work.

 

I: Mom, I bought the cutest top, looking like this that that colour, that shape yada yada. Mom: Didn't you buy one like this last year?

 

I: Mom, I like that guy, I hope he will ask me out on a date. Mom: OH NO, no, I won't allow him in my house if you bring him. You need a normal, long term relationship. (My mom doesn't even KNOW the guy, and hasn't spoken to him, PURELY by looks, that's her conclusion.)

 

I: Mom, did you know that sugar in milk and other dairy is also bad for diabetes? I read an article yesterday yada yada yada yada. Mom: No, the doctors on TV say otherwise, I think they are right.

 

My dad is a different ball game... he's negative nancy on other topics. My dad also cannot stand it when another person, besides him, gets a compliment. He is the only person who can receive compliments.

 

I: Dad, I'm really successfull at my job, my boss pays me compliments all the time. I think this might be a career for a long time for me. I see things in a different way than they all do! Dad: That's because you're from a different culture. It's because of that.

 

I don't even feel like typing anymore:lmao: you get what I mean I think...

The only thing I can do is to put more distance between my parents and myself by not talking a lot about personal stuff. But honestly, I want to be talking to my family...I mean that's what family does..

 

I guess I'm just curious, why they are so negative? Anybody have a clue or a similar experience?

[Diezel]

Stop telling them stuff.

 

Then you give them no ammo if they do this for every little thing you say.

[Satu]

From the age of 17, I began with a policy of only telling my parents things they needed to know.

 

No regrets

[nescafe1982]

At some point, it's worth pointing this kind of pattern out to parents. They may or may not be aware that they are doing it ... and they may think they are being supportive and have no clue how this makes you feel.

 

"Mom, Dad, I understand that maybe you think you're watching out for me, but sometimes you are really negative about my career/my life/my ideas. When that happens, it makes me sad and I begin to question whether I can tell you about this stuff."

 

Put gently, it might wake them up a bit. It might also shock them and start a fight. No worries, if that happens, stay calm and just tell them you need to go, and you'll talk later.

 

However it goes, know that they will think about this... and if they are reasonable, sane people... they will reconsider how their words make you feel in the future.

 

Parents are really bad at teaching their kids how to draw boundaries with them. So when children grow up and do just that, it can be a little shocking. Be prepared for some degree of shock when you tell them you don't want to hear so much negativity.