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90 yr old nan moved in and i'm going nuts


quidproquo89

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quidproquo89

Hey,

 

 

I'm in my mid twenties and live with my parents.

 

 

My nan who is 90 moved in with us 6 months ago. I'll sound awful here but she gets on my nerves.

 

 

She can walk around the house, mostly with a walker but she can get around. But she is constantly!!! asking me and others for things all the time. I can't get up in the morning and take a piss or make breakfast, lunch, dinner or relax in the evenings after work without being asked for to make tea, breakfast, lunch, dinner, sweets, finding her dressing gown etc.

 

 

Also she farts all the time, doesn't flush the toilet and wants me to put dvds on every hour or so. I feel like the ****ing maid!

 

I think shes being lazy and playing off her family ties as already mentioned she can get around.

 

Any thoughts? Feel free to have a go at me if you want

 

 

(i'm aware moving out is an idea and i'm saving every penny currently)

Edited by quidproquo89
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Grumpybutfun

I won't lecture you on compassion and respect for family or your elders since you seem to understand that your viewpoint is flawed. I'm hoping this is a product of immaturity and self absorption and eventually you will figure out that life isn't always about you. If you are presumably a healthy young man, it is time for you to move out and have your own place. Finding roommates who are self sufficient should alleviate the costs and save you some frustration in your life. Easy solution.

Good luck,

Grumps

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quidproquo89
I won't lecture you on compassion and respect for family or your elders since you seem to understand that your viewpoint is flawed. I'm hoping this is a product of immaturity and self absorption and eventually you will figure out that life isn't always about you. If you are presumably a healthy young man, it is time for you to move out and have your own place. Finding roommates who are self sufficient should alleviate the costs and save you some frustration in your life. Easy solution.

Good luck,

Grumps

 

I dig your response.

 

 

My reasoning isn't so much about a lack of compassion and self absorption as needing time away from her, hence my recent frustration.

 

 

I have brought a lot of humour and a light touch to this family but sometimes a full house of people grinds my gears.

 

 

I am saving for moving out.

 

 

Appreciate your response Grumps

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I have brought a lot of humour

 

So has she.. if your into potty humor :laugh:

 

I think GBF is right, now is the time to get out on your own and let your parents care for their elderly Parent..

 

On an aside... I wish today that my 93 YO Grandma was still alive today.. ornery as she was I miss her tons....

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I wish my grandma was alive. So many things about her life I would love to know now. She was a lovely person.

 

Sit down and get to know your nan, she was once as young as you are too.

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quidproquo89
I wish my grandma was alive. So many things about her life I would love to know now. She was a lovely person.

 

Sit down and get to know your nan, she was once as young as you are too.

 

 

it occurs to me whilst reading your replies is that I just need time to myself

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TaraMaiden2

My father would have been 94 this year. I miss him a lot. So do my daughters.

My eldest is constantly asking certain questions pertinent to Literature and Music, and bemoans the fact her grandfather is no longer here to provide quick answers.

Such a font of knowledge, humour and history, gone.

 

When my father was a boy, a new family car cost £200. But the annual average salary was £450.00

There were no mobile 'phones, no televisions, merely radios and telephones were a luxury item, that when you clicked the receiver, you got through to an operator you probably knew personally, and whom you could ask to direct your call, by naming the person you wanted to talk to.

The kitchen stove had to be kept alight with coal or wood, for cooking and hot water, and not every home was graced with electricity....

 

You really should value your grandmother as a fragile link to the past. A past you can only read about and consider with wonder and disbelief....

 

You should talk to her; get her to open up about memories of her youth; her clothing, her suitors, the way she did her hair, and all kinds of things you wouldn't even imagine today.

When she dies, all this will be lost; and you will miss the absence of someone who can make history come alive...

Edited by TaraMaiden2
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Without her, you don't exist. When she's gone you will miss her. Do things for her now with a smile on your face because it's the right thing to do and maybe when you are 90 your grandkids will take care of you.

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A 90 year old has earned the right to fart and be waited on. What other benefits does getting old have if you can't take advantage a little?

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quidproquo89

There have been some very fair and valid points and I dig them. I'm just having a bad month and needed to vent somewhere where I wouldn't cause any harm. Thanks for the decent replies

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I worked in an elder facility. First day of training went as follows: A pair of glasses with vaseline smeared on them, earplugs, and socked sandbags around our knees, back and wrist. We had to assist the elders all while being incapacitated ourselves. Sure we could walk, and even try to feed ourselves. At the end of our mini task, we were to fill out a questionaire. All in a room that was poorly lighted . We each learned in one day what a typical environment an elder had to endure. Never mind the internal pains or the mind being forgetfull.

To this day I have much regard and compassion for my elders.. and it started as a child when i had to attend to my grandfather each day .,. gosh how i miss him! Its been 40 years ... and I can still remeber our moments and his stories of politics and his early years. He commanded respect even though his body had been paralyzed on one side. So Op, go get those glasses and spend the day having to lose your independency and praying that someone will help

you... you are to be commended for your honesty in your view point, take it a step further and understand life in the shoes of this elder.

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If you are fortunate one day you will be 90. When you are, you will probably rely on others to help you get through the day. Think about how you will want them to conduct themselves, and be that person now. Later on you'll be glad you did.

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She is 90 years old.

 

 

Ninety years old.

 

 

10 years from being 100.

 

 

Most people will not live to be 90.

 

 

Your current age plus 50 years more is still way younger than her.

 

 

Give her a ****ing break, holy ****.

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still_an_Angel

I can understand your frustration, you are at the age when energy seems boundless and you have a life outside the home. You don't have time for someone who is slow and needy.

 

 

But all of us are bound to grow old one day, your nan is probably no longer active in activities outside the home and could also be physically incapacitated to do other stuff anyway. I'm pretty sure she appreciates all that the family is doing for her. Its pretty hard to be just a furniture in the house where everyone zooms in and out as they are busy with their own lives. A little compassion wouldn't go amiss in this situation. Slow down and try to look at this from her perspective. She probably asks for a lot of stuff to get attention.

 

 

Maybe if you set a time aside for her, like doing her nails and hair (would she let you experiment with colours on her hair?) or maybe practice your nail skills on her, then you'd be doing something fun for her and with her.

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whichwayisup
Hey,

 

 

I'm in my mid twenties and live with my parents.

 

 

My nan who is 90 moved in with us 6 months ago. I'll sound awful here but she gets on my nerves.

 

 

She can walk around the house, mostly with a walker but she can get around. But she is constantly!!! asking me and others for things all the time. I can't get up in the morning and take a piss or make breakfast, lunch, dinner or relax in the evenings after work without being asked for to make tea, breakfast, lunch, dinner, sweets, finding her dressing gown etc.

 

 

Also she farts all the time, doesn't flush the toilet and wants me to put dvds on every hour or so. I feel like the ****ing maid!

 

I think shes being lazy and playing off her family ties as already mentioned she can get around.

 

Any thoughts? Feel free to have a go at me if you want

 

 

(i'm aware moving out is an idea and i'm saving every penny currently)

 

Wow, you are so lucky to have a grandmother who is 90 and still in your life. My good friends mom just passed away at 92, everybody loved her and she was such a wonderful woman. We all miss her so much and wish she was still here.

 

Instead of looking at your nan as an old pain in the ass, show some respect and compassion. She is elderly and may be forgetful. If you live till 90, let's see how well you function! Don't judge her, she's doing the best that she can at her age.

 

Hey, bottom line is, if you don't like it, move out. Otherwise put up with it and learn to cope with this better.

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whichwayisup
it occurs to me whilst reading your replies is that I just need time to myself

 

Just because you live at home doesn't mean you don't have to stay there all the time. Go out with friends, get busy during your off days.

 

Sorry if my previous response was harsh. It's just one day you might look back on this and wish she was still around.

 

Laugh at her farts. Compliment her and try to out due her! Maybe she'll have a good laugh at a fart contest. :p

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  • 2 weeks later...

I understand how you feel. I am a year older than you and my grammy is two years older than yours. I also lived with my parents so whenever grammy comes over I'll share my bedroom with her. The only thing you can make yourself happier is to change your perception of her. Think of her as a young child. The way she behaves, the way she talks, the way she craves for attention -- all of which resemble a young child. Children would care less about causing inconvenience to others than not having their favourite cartoon channel switched on right? Cheers

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