Im being weird

[cazoraz]

Hi All

 

I hope this doesnt come across as weird.

 

I am 49 and my brother is 44.

 

I lost my brother for 20 years after he had a blow up with my father and disappeared and cut off the family.

 

In october i found him. I cant tell you how happy i was to find him. We have exchanged emails, went and visited on the other side of the country and we sms everyday. Its like we are trying to catch up on the last 20 years. We were the best of mates as little kids and reliant on each other. Our older brother who i also love, i didnt become close to him till my 30's. But the younger one and i have always had a special bond. After 20 years it was like we saw each other last week and we just talk and talk and talk. When i went to see him there was no awkwardness. Nothing.

 

He came out of a long term relationship and has met a new partner. Now i havent met her so i have no idea what she is like. Now her is the weird part. I am buying a house for my brother to live in so he has security. Life has not been kind to him and i live a very comfortable life so its not a issue. But this new gf is making me very jealous. Remember i havent met her. She is going house hunting with him. And he was like if things go well i could have a new sister in law. Now i am very glad he is found someone, but her looking at houses with him just sets me off. This was suppose to be our project. I dont want her involved. This is totally stupid. She has done nothing to me but i am so jealous. I spoke to a friend and she says she thinks im jealous that i will loose him again to this woman. And that is very true. I live in fear he will knick off again, even though he has promised me that he wont. And has given me no reason to think he will.

 

I am not a jealous person normally so i really dont get this. I want my brother to be happy.

 

What the hell is my problem?

 

He hasnt made contact with my Dad. That will never be recovered. And only sent a few emails to my older brother.

 

Thanks

Caz

[funnywoman]

Try to focus on the fact that you have given a gift to your brother. It is his choice how he uses it. Be happy for him, and be thankful that you were able to add a little security to his life. Try not to be hurt that he has other people and things in his life...you have other people and things in yours, too.

 

Try to remember this: Just because he is not responding to the gift as you would have responded only means one thing....he is not you.

[preraph]

You were in a sense abandoned by him earlier and it really hurt and was a big loss. Now you're ecstatic to find him and resume a relationship, but he seems more focused on his girlfriend. Welllllllll, sounds just like a man, I'm afraid. One thing is more important to them than everything else and everyone else combined. There really isn't anything you can do except do NOT put the house in his name so she shares it. If she marries him or has kids with him, it might end up in her hands. You still don't know really if he's responsible enough to be trusted, so just buy the house, don't worry if she helps pick it out, but you go make sure it's a decent piece of real estate. But do not put it in his name! That way she cannot get it. Also, if you put it in his name, he is likely to just sell it sometime for the money if he has been any kind of f___ up before in his life.

 

My sister moved across the US and then hit my dad up for a car, got one, and then sold it for money.

[SpiralOut]

It sounds like what you are really doing is buying a house for your brother AND future sister-in-law. That wasn't part of the original plan. Did you want to do something for him and only him, so it's like she's getting in the way of a brotherly thing? Or maybe you feel uncomfortable buying a house for a person you've never met before?