Shaine Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 My 18 y/o brother is gay. No one in the family knows but me. He didnt tell me. When he was younger, he left his cellphone in the shower and i saw that he was searching for men to men sex. I had a hunch even before that he is confused by his sexuality or that he is gay. All this time i kept it a secret, even from him. Also, I think im suffering from mild depression cause of a bad break up. Ive been cooped up in my room all day, i dont go out, ive been losing weight and couldnt eat and sleep, i have massive hair fall and im looking more like a zombie. Im trying to help myself. Ive been dringking vitamin b complex and just today, bought st john's wort cause they said it helps mild depression? So yeah, my younger brother and i had a fight. He has a fever and my mom is babying him. I teased him about it and said he's such a weakling. I told him when i get sick, i dont mind it and dont make a fuss over it. I teased him cause my mom is giving him a sponge bath. Well, he got mad and exploded. He shouted at me telling me that im such a loner and a loser. That i dont have any friends. That im loner and i will get old alone! I was so freakin hurt by it. I was quiet for a few seconds then told him "I know your secret! Want me say it now? " my mom was there watching us. He was quiet. I then said "what? Cant talk now? I know your secret you faggot!" He then went to the bathroom. My mom scolded me, said i was immature. (She's right) i told her well he's an ingrate, he's gay! Now im in my room. I think im going crazy. I ruined my brother. How could i do that to him. I want to die right now. What if that makes him suicidal. What os wrong with my life. Just when i thought i am slowly turning my life around this happened. I have been without work for months. I applied for a job today and still waiting for job offer. I bought supplement to help me on my depression. I just got my back pay from my previous company today. I decided to trust God again. I've been thanking him for the blessings of tody. And now this happened. I outed my brother to my mom. I feel like im going crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 That's disgusting. I hope he can forgive you some day. Thinking of your brother. Poor thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 You owe your brother a real heartfelt and genuine apology. Hope that some day he forgives you. Also understand that you not only outed him but you shamed him about being gay as well. It's going to take a long time for him to trust you again. It's very sad that you ruined your relationship with him, all for what? In hindsight obviously if you had a do over, you wouldn't tell but there are under lying issues in your childhood, towards your parents, etc that need to talked about in counseling. that anger and maybe jealously, ugliness that came out is not a good thing and can't ever happen again. In the meantime, you need to consider counseling to get control of your depression, your anger and deal with your issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 You need to apologize to him. Tell him that you just lashed out in anger and never meant to hurt him. That you don't think there is anything wrong with his being gay and you support him. Then you need to put a lot of thought into why it is that you lash out at those you love when you are hurting. Why the need to demean him or criticize him for being sick and allowing your mom to care for him? Why the need to tear him down? What do you get from being like that? Make a personal rule for yourself that you will only lift people up, not tear them down. Words like "weakling" "faggot" "ingrate", etc. will no longer pass through your lips. And live by that. I hope your brother is able to forgive you, and that you are able to get through your depression and deal with whatever is going on inside you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Your poor, poor brother! I really feel for him. Maybe one day he will forgive you. It will be hard but maybe... Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Unfortunately the moderators here don't let us express ourselves as we would sometimes wish to do so I'll I can say is, the person you should be talking to is your brother. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Yes, OP, apologize to your brother. But I'm also concerned about your description of your depressive symptoms. Hair falling out and other physical symptoms like that are not signs of "mild" depression... they are signs of a clinical (read: chemical, major) depression, and if your depression is manifesting this way you likely need something stronger than St Johns Wort to get better. I'd check in with a psychiatrist, asap. Yes, it's not right that you feel these urges to lash out at your brother (and outing him is probably the worst possible way to do so... although it's instructive that his words also appear targeted to inflict maximum emotional damage). But if your urges are driven by an illness and by the pain you're feeling, you want to get it fixed as soon as possible. Edited December 10, 2013 by nescafe1982 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaine Posted December 10, 2013 Author Share Posted December 10, 2013 I cried all night about it. My mom asked just now what was that about. I told her i was only kidding cause he pissed me off. Mom said my brother didnt sleep all night. T-T my poor brother. I texted my brother and told him i told mom i was only kidding. I will text him again and apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 This will stay with him for the rest of his life. Hope you guys work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 I cried all night about it. My mom asked just now what was that about. I told her i was only kidding cause he pissed me off. Mom said my brother didnt sleep all night. T-T my poor brother. I texted my brother and told him i told mom i was only kidding. I will text him again and apologize. You TEXTED him!?! What is wrong with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 That is horrible. You took an important ant sensitive moment in his life and ripped it from him. You made it something ugly and aweful. That behavior is disgusting, you should be ashamed. This is something I don't think you can ever make up to him for. And with that sort of behavior I don't think his "get old alone" comment was very far off. You can only hope he won't act the same as you and forgive you. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Connect your brother with Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" itgetsbetter dot org Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 You TEXTED him!?! What is wrong with you. ^ ^ ^ THIS ^ ^ ^ Go TALK to your brother. Hug him. Tell him you love him. Ask him to forgive you. Stop texting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) You texted him that you told your mom you were just kidding? Walk your behind to his room and apologize. Edited December 11, 2013 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 But your brother is still gay. That fact isn't ever going to change. Do go TALK to your bro and stop texting him. You're old enough to have a face to face conversation, look him in the eye and apologize. Stop being so passive and scared, stand up and own what you've done. This is not about you right now, this is about your brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaine Posted December 11, 2013 Author Share Posted December 11, 2013 He has fever or flu. My mom has spoiled my brother too much cause he is the youngest and the only boy. She cut his food til he was 12 years old, among other things. I think my mom spoiling my brother made him gay? Is that possible? I dont have have any problems with him being gay, i was just teasing him cause my mom is babying him again. It's the usual sister brother banter. But when he said those mean things about me i snapped. I totally regret it. Im older and should have let it slide. I dont know how to talk to him. He might not be ready yet. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 You're talking about yourself and your own feelings an awful lot in a thread that should be about your brother being forced out of the closet. I told her i was only kidding cause he pissed me off. I think you're on the right track. You need to do a lot of backpedaling. But nobody is going to believe that you were just kidding when you said those words in a fit of rage. Come up with a better cover story. "I was so mad, I just hurled the biggest insult I could think of. It was a totally unfounded accusation and wrong and I'm sorry for saying it." And it really was a totally unfounded accusation. You don't know that he's gay. He's never told you that. You're basing your assumption off of your "hunch" that he's confused and some internet searches you discovered when you were snooping (probably years ago, when he was a younger teen.) You do not know. He very well might be gay, but you can not assume that, and it's honestly none of your business unless he tells you about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaine Posted December 11, 2013 Author Share Posted December 11, 2013 We're okay noow. I apologized to him. I love my brother so much and i was worried all day that he might not come home. I still cant forgive myself. :'( Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 I think my mom spoiling my brother made him gay? Is that possible? No, it is not possible. One's sexuality is defined by Nature - not by Nurture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 We're okay noow. I apologized to him. I love my brother so much and i was worried all day that he might not come home. I still cant forgive myself. :'( What did he say? you apologized to him but your issues aren't gonna go away on their own. Also, if you have problems with the fact he's gay, you need to deal with that too. And no, your mom babying him did NOT make him gay. Link to post Share on other sites
Elliotte Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Sounds like your whole family, including you, needs serious help. You with your emotional issues, your brother needing to come out of the closet to his family, and your mother with her extreme babying, and that's just the tips of the icebergs. Serious group therapy and individual therapy, needed for a long time now. Vitamin supplements? You need prescription strength stuff! Link to post Share on other sites
RedDawn1 Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 To the person who posted on the subject Shaine, remember, physical scars are only skin deep, but words that inflict emotional scars, they are permanent, they never go away no in 1 year 20 years not ever. I am a white man in a relationship with a woman who Nigerian, my sister does not accept it because she is not a citizen and as a result she disowned me and it hurt me emotionally which was only 5 months after my mother passed away. I will never forget the hurtful and hateful words my estranged sister said at me because those scars are permanent. Link to post Share on other sites
John316C Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 The lesson is not to feel bad again. You should tell your brother your sorry and show your role as his bother/sister. You are siblings. Do not plead for his acceptance. Only show him sincerity by telling him that you know what you did was wrong and tell him that you accept him. That you and your brother are there for each other. Who else is going to be there for your little brother? Strangers? Can't be trusted. You need to be the leader because your older and the leader leads with strength and responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 What made your brother gay? Here's the answer: when did you decide you liked men and not women? You didn't choose, you just liked boys -- right? Exactly! You need to get educated, you owe him that even more now. There is a lot of info online as a family member to understand what he's going through now and what you can do to be supportive. If you take the time and read up on what he's going through and how others in the same situation as you supported a gay family member, you're beginning to make amends. Once you think you have a clue about what being gay really means, and you have heard from others what he needs from you, go to him and tell him you've studied this and you want to be there for him. Also, you didn't mention your mom's reaction. She might know he's gay too. Or she thought what you said was meant as an angry slur of a bratty sister and isn't even thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 What made your brother gay? Here's the answer: when did you decide you liked men and not women? You didn't choose, you just liked boys -- right? Exactly! Sorry but I just can't agree with that statement. I know I'm going to get bashed on for that and I mean no harm by it I just can't agree with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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