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Is it OK to feel this way about my mother who is going to jail?


fmpro

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My mother is going to jail for six months for a financial crime. Instead of being scared or anything I can't help but feel a little excited maybe is the word about my mom being in jail. Not in a malicious type of way but more in a teasing type of way. Not because I hate her or dislike her. On the contrary I had a good relationship with her but I definitely find it kind of funny that my mom is in the punishment situation now and is taking orders from others and it might give her a different perspective on certain things. Also because I know she is coming back in six months (not very long) and is not going away from forever or for years and years.

Also the fact having her gone for six months will give more freedom. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it . I actually told my dad some of these things and he said it was OK and he was glad I was instead not acting hysterical about it and even joked back "maybe you;re mom will understand how it feels when she punishes you, maybe when she comes back things might be different".

 

 

oh and some people might say I must have some underlying issues with her, I don't. Really

Edited by fmpro
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You seem quite immature and selfish.

 

Your mother is going to jail for a significant period of time. This will be traumatic for her on so many levels, as well as embarrassing, scary etc. Her future will be impacted due to the criminal conviction.

 

All of this, and you are happy that you will get a bit more freedom while she's locked up? You find it amusing that she is now being punished, because she had performed her parental duties in the past by punishing you?

 

I am assuming you are young, but, grow up a bit already.

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I assume that maybe you have an idea all along that she was doing something bad but you can't do anything about it because your mother thought she knows better on what to do. If you're happy that she's finally called out for this wrong doing of her so that she won't get so deep into it, then maybe your being happy is understandable.

 

But keep in mind that most of the times a mother does something because she thinks it would make her family's life better.

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Out of curiosity, how old are you? Do you still live at home? Still dependent on your parents? All of this may help us put your comments into context...

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You seem quite immature and selfish.

 

Your mother is going to jail for a significant period of time. This will be traumatic for her on so many levels, as well as embarrassing, scary etc. Her future will be impacted due to the criminal conviction.

 

All of this, and you are happy that you will get a bit more freedom while she's locked up? You find it amusing that she is now being punished, because she had performed her parental duties in the past by punishing you?

 

I am assuming you are young, but, grow up a bit already.

 

Isn't it better to act the way I am acting instead of being hysterical or feeling miserable? Instead I have just accepted it and instead looked at "positives" of the situation (a bit more freedom with her being absent for a little while (if it was longer I'd feel worse), her going through a punishment situation and maybe getting a different perspective on things etc) . I remember Before she surrendered to jail. We went out to a restaurant. I teased her about how tomorrow she was going to be behind bars and taking orders from people. She joked back that the food she's eating now won't compare to prison food. It is kind of weird people expect to act in the hysterical or miserable way. I am a 14 year old by the way

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I never said that you should be acting hysterical - please do not put words into my mouth.

 

Hysteria will do no one any good, but I feel a more balanced and reasonable attitude is warranted - you appear to be completely devoid of sympathy. Your mother is going through a very hard time at the moment, and you fail to acknowledge this at all.

 

Re-read my initial post. I have said all I need to say.

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Out of curiosity, how old are you?

 

She's 14.

 

OP, you do seem immature and selfish, but you get a pass because you're still very young. That's how we all start out - immature and selfish from the moment we're born. As we grow older, we start being more able to have compassion and empathy for others. Maybe as time wears on, you'll rethink this whole thing, and you won't find it as hilarious as you once did.

 

I don't begrudge you of your satisfaction over your mother going to jail. Maybe she really did deserve it and you're just happy that she's finally being held accountable for her actions. That's okay. But you also have to keep in mind that she's going to be losing her freedom for a while, and that it's going to suck pretty badly for her. That's not something you should be excited about, no matter how it benefits you.

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Also the fact having her gone for six months will give more freedom. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it . I actually told my dad some of these things and he said it was OK and he was glad I was instead not acting hysterical about it and even joked back "maybe you;re mom will understand how it feels when she punishes you, maybe when she comes back things might be different".

I think that these are some pretty understandable emotional reactions of a 14-year-old to a very unusual family situation. There's not a lot of reference for what is "normal" for a kid in this situation.

 

And instead of beating on you for being able to put words to the reactions you are feeling, I think it's admirable that you have the self-awareness to then question them, and ask: is this how I want to respond? I think that's pretty decent for a 14-year-old to be able to do.

 

I'm also glad that your dad is emotionally intelligent enough to give you space to speak and not beat you up for it either. He probably recognizes that you are still processing this, and your feelings may change over time as you work through it. See my comments in your other thread for more thoughts...

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PlumPrincess

I guess, her mother didn't take it that seriously either, so due to the lack of dramatic emotions, the kid doesn't perceive it as a horrible event. I would find it worse if the mom was devastated and the kid reveled in her misery or if it felt ashamed of the situation and became depressed.

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Your feelings are your feelings. Not good OR bad. But it's important to remember that, as you get older, a good plan in life is to be more aware of those feelings and take the time to figure out where they come from, why they're there, so you can learn from it and continue to grow as a person.

 

I hope that your plan while she's there (and NOT enjoying it, btw), is to emulate great behavior, to take on more responsibilities to cover her loss, so that when she comes home she'll be even more proud of you.

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Oh I will say this. The reason I feel that way is not because she was saying what she did was OK or defending herself and while she definitely looked a bit nervous (though didnt speak it out ) is basically serving her time without any question.

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PlumPrincess

I hope that your plan while she's there (and NOT enjoying it, btw), is to emulate great behavior, to take on more responsibilities to cover her loss, so that when she comes home she'll be even more proud of you.

Take more responsibilities? Cover her loss? This is a 14 year old child. Why should it make up for its mothers failings? I think Mom can be glad if the kid gets out without major emotional damage. She should be ashamed she got herself into such a situation and didn't think more of her family.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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also, is it really that bad in jail? I read in jail they are served three meals a day and are well taken care of. And now for six months she won't have to worry about other stuff. OF course the person that was saying that could have just been joking

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Wow if the OP's mentality signifies the norm of the younger generation, we are in sad, sad shape

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todreaminblue

if it were me and i am a mother of five...i wouldnt make it in goal..i would be a statistic..its a serious place with often some violent individuals..its sensory and emotional and physical deprivation....they make you feel like crap every day you are there.......it is sad your mum is going for six months six months might not seem long to you because you are young....in goal, a day is liek a month..a week is like a year...hours dont go by quickly .....i have known criminals...time drags... it is meant to ........i really hope that it isnt a case4 of one day when you go see yoru mum she is sporting a fat lip and bruises and a black eye you may not think it so funny any more........i hope your mum does her time in peace and that time flies for her....it wont....but i wish that for her...you are going to regret finding it funny....so dont think that way...it is not funny or cool..it is actually horrible.......i have visited people in goal to be supportive and give them a little hope so they can keep doing time......its not a place any self respecting human wants to spend a week let alone six months......and then try and get a job when you get out.....i wish your mum love and hope.......she is doing time fro what she idd...in goal you remember what time is all about...how precious freedom to spend that time is..no I have not been to goalas an inmate, have just visited people who were close to going mental in there...most of them were bullied in goal...and thats when they find god .....when there is no one else to talk to in the hours they are locked away and no one lsitens or cares they are being beaten or taken advantage of...they begin to pray..or end up in solitary or protection with pedophiles..so pray for your mum....i wish you both well.................deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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Wow if the OP's mentality signifies the norm of the younger generation, we are in sad, sad shape

Aside from the fact that you didn't bother to explain what about her mentality you find so disturbing that it requires not one but two "sads" as you wring your hands over society's future, what in the world would lead you to generalize from the emotions of this one, still-developing young person who finds herself in a unique and unknown situation, and place the fate of an entire generation on her shoulders as a result?

 

You have heard that children and adolescents are often self-centered, and that people of all ages, when faced with unknown, potentially traumatic situations, often respond defensively, with denial and other protective mechanisms, which result in what may seem like odd or inappropriate emotions, yes? And you have heard that sometimes people actually learn from such experiences to develop into even better people than they were before, yes? And that, in fact, this is one of the main developmental tasks of adolescence, yes?

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