miastarryeyed Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 My cousins been the traditional black sheep in our family, and the extended family do gossip about her-but I've never joined in, and I always say, I don't know if they ask about her. Now I've been going through a rough patch in my life, and I was talking to this cousin the other day, and she casually mentioned that I'm the gossip/topic of the day at extended family gatherings (I haven't been able to attend the last few). Now this cousin has been freely saying, oh you should... about my situation to me, which is amusing to me, she doesn't know all the facts, and in fact my policy is to live and let live, I never give people the you should advice, to me it's pointless. We all have to make the best decision according to our needs. It turns out that the black sheep cousin has been vocally adding her opinions and gossiping about me to the rest of the family---that really pisses me off, because I never say things about her. She's basically throwing fire on the flames. She prides herself in being open (& revealing the dysfunctional details of her life) but even she draws a line at discussing things like, oh her multiple abortions (1 per year for the past 3 years she apparently can't use birth control properly!) I'm soo angry, if I wanted to I could let rip all I know that's damaging about the others who are gossiping about me, but that's not me, and even as tempting as that is I won't. What should I do? I intend on clarifying with that cousin, to never talk about me behind my back, and if she continues I'll be sure to return the favour by letting the others know about the details of her life she wants to keep hidden. But knowing her character, and the glee she's getting from not being in the black sheep spotlight, it probably won't be that effective. How do you deal with immature gossiping, backstabbing family members? I'm planning on just cutting her off, she's totally disloyal, and hurtful, over the years I've stood up for her, and it seems like the caring and loyalty I've shown her has been trampled on just so she can have a few minutes of what gossiping? She has resented me over the years for being a goody-goody, but what she doesn't realize is that it's hard to be good, it takes work, responsibility and discipline on my part, I've had to defer things til a better time. Plus, I'm not really "good" which human is, we're all works in progress, I just tend to keep my life to myself, I don't think the extended family needs to know all the details of my life, I value my privacy and their ignorance. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Injustice pisses me off! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 How do you deal with immature gossiping, backstabbing family members You understand that some people are just going to be the way they are, no matter how unpleasant that may be. You don't get in the dirt with them (like the saying goes about pigs - you're filthy, too, but the pigs like it). It's unfortunate that people will believe things they are told about you without verifying whether they are true, but that, too, is an unfortunate human trait. Tell her to cut it out, but don't expect her to. Find your friends elsewhere because it seems your family doesn't measure up to the standards you'd even have for friends. Tiresome, but that is life. Link to post Share on other sites
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