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whichwayisup

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whichwayisup

I mentioned about mothers ruining their kids (I guess of any age) day on another thread. Thought this would be a neat discussion, compare notes, and hear some stories.

 

I can be in a great mood and my mom will say something to get under my skin. I do my best now not to let her comments get to me, but sometimes it's hard not to. Mom's seem to have that power, to bring you up and bring you down.

 

Being 42 now, our dynamic has changed, I have strong boundries with her in place as does my sister and my brother. I love her, she's a great person (most of the time) but she has fleeting moments where we're left scratching our heads thinking WTF??!!

 

My younger year, I spent time in the bathroom, in tears. Wondering what I did wrong, always worked hard to get her approval, hated it when she was angry at me (she did do the silent treatment at times, not for long but enough to get to me) or disappointed. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am now, not caring as much what she thinks about me, my husband, my life, my choices, what I do, how I look. I'm ME and I don't need her approval.

 

Of course, throw in some PMS or just a blah day, she knows and comes in for the 'look' or zing/comment. WHY do they do this??

 

Next up!

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eleanorrigby

My relationship with my mom is uncomfortable. We both keep trying to get closer, but it's difficult. I thought things would be easier when I became an adult, but no...when I'm around her, I'm 9 years old again.

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I have a distant relationship with my mother. She seems to have forgotten that she was an abusive parent and she continues to behave in a manipulative manner. She wants us to be best friends but I can only keep her at an arm's length. When I am around my mother, I become very cautious about what I say and how much I share.

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the most infuriating thing about my mother is that she never deliberately says things that will get to me - she's very sweet and has always put everybody else, especially her kids, before herself.

 

so i know she doesn't mean it, i know i shouldn't be mad, and that makes me feel even worse :laugh:

 

but man, some of it makes me have to go outside and kick something :o

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Love my mom, have all the respect for her. Very smart and strong lady. But sometimes, she's so nitpicky. Most often, I let her do whatever she wants but when I set my foot down, she's learned not to push any further.

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OP, i thought you were describing my maternal grandma.

My mom's experiences with her were exactly like yours.

She even moved far away from her, for a reason.

 

She has this amazing knack for saying just the right thing -from a social perspective- to bring you down down DOWN.

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I have completely cut her out of my life. I am sure everybody here knows the story by now.

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I mentioned about mothers ruining their kids (I guess of any age) day on another thread. Thought this would be a neat discussion, compare notes, and hear some stories.

 

I can be in a great mood and my mom will say something to get under my skin. I do my best now not to let her comments get to me, but sometimes it's hard not to. Mom's seem to have that power, to bring you up and bring you down.

 

Being 42 now, our dynamic has changed, I have strong boundries with her in place as does my sister and my brother. I love her, she's a great person (most of the time) but she has fleeting moments where we're left scratching our heads thinking WTF??!!

 

My younger year, I spent time in the bathroom, in tears. Wondering what I did wrong, always worked hard to get her approval, hated it when she was angry at me (she did do the silent treatment at times, not for long but enough to get to me) or disappointed. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am now, not caring as much what she thinks about me, my husband, my life, my choices, what I do, how I look. I'm ME and I don't need her approval.

 

Of course, throw in some PMS or just a blah day, she knows and comes in for the 'look' or zing/comment. WHY do they do this??

 

Next up!

I can so relate with most of what you said but the part in bold is :confused: to me cause I never thought that way - more like, I had her and whatever she said or thought about me deep in my *****. Maybe it's because I have a rebellious personality :p

 

I posted a thread about mine a few days ago here. She is overbearing, downright mean, childish, enjoys bringing me down and we have different opinion on things 95% of the time so we argue most of the time, too. I'm in the process of trying to control the coversations with her and not to let myself get provoked but God, it's hard. Living with her is emotionally draining for me, this is not real me, but I have to defend myself so I keep agruing. My real self wishess for a peaceful existence. That's why I'm a different person when at home and outside. Even my friends and ex bf noticed I became more calm, relaxed and happy during those 2 weeks my mum was on holiday. Speaks volumes, doesn't it? No wonder my shoulder muscles are so stiff :/

Oh and she's awfully nosy, a year ago she went through my phone and read my txt msgs (I'm 25!!) ........... I can't ever imagine being friends with her. She just can't seem to understand, the more nosy she is, the more I shut down.

 

OP, i thought you were describing my maternal grandma.

My mom's experiences with her were exactly like yours.

She even moved far away from her, for a reason.

 

She has this amazing knack for saying just the right thing -from a social perspective- to bring you down down DOWN.

Oh yeah, I hate it so much that she often guesses what I intended to do or think when I did my best to hide it!!! Grrr. I seem like an open book to her, which pisses me off like no tmrw. No idea how to change it.

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She wanted a little girl she could dress up like a barbie doll. I was not that little girl. My entire childhood was punctuated with her sighing wistfully, why can't you be more like Jenny / Anne / Rosemary / Nicki / Jeannette / Lena / Mandy / Birgit / Carolyn?

 

I wasn't neat, I wasn't cute, I wasn't a girly-girl, I wasn't interested in dolls or playing house or paper dolls. Every birthday she would buy me a doll knowing I hated dolls. I would feel guilty for hating the dolls, for hating the clothes she wanted me to wear, for hating the childhood she foisted on to me. She would invite other girls in the neighbourhood over to play with my dolls and my paper dolls and make me wait on them with biscuits and cooldrink and she would hover around pretending they were her girls and afterward when I was washing the dishes I would be reminded of the myriad ways I was not good enough, and how she wished I would be more like Lorna / Helen / Jane / Barbara / Kathy / Frances / Karin / Wendy / Sylvia.

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whichwayisup

I make big efforts though, life is short and I guess losing my dad (almost 20 years) has a lot to do with it. I tend to have to let stuff go and bend more than she does. I also don't want to argue or fight with her. lol , ha, though I can't say that during PMS days!

 

Be back later to read and reply, a few of you said some neat things! Boy can I relate to as well!

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bentnotbroken

:love:Love that crazy old chick! She is one of my best buds. I have learned that allowing her to voice her opinion with a well punctuated "yes ma'am" while adding a new distraction works even better for us both. We both get what we want...her to mother and me to do my own thing...is a great way to sail into our golden years. Now if I could just get her properly interested in the NFL...:D

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amaysngrace

I love my mom. She's a terrific lady.

 

But sometimes she'll take a jab at me for not caring about things that she tried to raise me to care about. Like being prim and proper.

 

Still part of me thinks she digs it about me that I am just so whatever and deep down she wishes she was more like me.

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My mother doctor shopped until she finally found some schlub to declare my otherwise normal half-siblings autistic and now collects 3 SSDI checks from the government every month. Between that and the child support from my step dad whom she kicked out of the 3 bedroom 3 story house he bought she doesn't even have to work anymore. Think she might be the smartest woman I've ever met. Einstein ain't got sh*t on her.

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Eek! I have a daughter and another one on the way..

 

I'm worried that I am going to mess them up sounds like could be inevitable to some degree!

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Eek! I have a daughter and another one on the way..

 

I'm worried that I am going to mess them up sounds like could be inevitable to some degree!

 

I think that most of the parents who mess up are those that don't take an interest and just perpetuate what they have been taught; no critical thinking in this bunch.

 

Considering you have been here since 2006 and you give a damn, i doubt that will be the case.

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Eek! I have a daughter and another one on the way..

 

I'm worried that I am going to mess them up sounds like could be inevitable to some degree!

 

Don't worry too much! Not everyone has issues with their mother!

 

I don't! I love my mom and we have an amazing relationship.

She's not my best friend and I don't tell her anything. In fact she always told me that there are things a mother should NOT know about her children. But if I have a problem I can count on her to help!

 

This is not to say she and my dad didn't make mistakes raising us. They did, as every parent does. But all in all, it's all good!

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I think that most of the parents who mess up are those that don't take an interest and just perpetuate what they have been taught; no critical thinking in this bunch.

 

Considering you have been here since 2006 and you give a damn, i doubt that will be the case.

 

 

Well my own mother wasn't perfect and still carries around a fair few unresolved issues and I still get on well with her.

As long as we don't spend TOO much time together!

 

As a parent of a small child, its hard to comprehend the day that she is going to spread her wings, although she's already taking little steps towards independence by going to kindergarten etc.

 

Right now I'm still her "best friend"...:love:

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She wanted a little girl she could dress up like a barbie doll. I was not that little girl. My entire childhood was punctuated with her sighing wistfully, why can't you be more like Jenny / Anne / Rosemary / Nicki / Jeannette / Lena / Mandy / Birgit / Carolyn?

 

I wasn't neat, I wasn't cute, I wasn't a girly-girl, I wasn't interested in dolls or playing house or paper dolls. Every birthday she would buy me a doll knowing I hated dolls. I would feel guilty for hating the dolls, for hating the clothes she wanted me to wear, for hating the childhood she foisted on to me. She would invite other girls in the neighbourhood over to play with my dolls and my paper dolls and make me wait on them with biscuits and cooldrink and she would hover around pretending they were her girls and afterward when I was washing the dishes I would be reminded of the myriad ways I was not good enough, and how she wished I would be more like Lorna / Helen / Jane / Barbara / Kathy / Frances / Karin / Wendy / Sylvia.

 

Ugh, this is awful. I feel for you. :( My mom was similar too, but not so much about girly things (though those were part of it). That's why I hate it when people say that kids are 'blank slates', you can write whatever you want on them. WRONG! Kids are young people! They have personalities, preferences, and innate traits of their own, and a parent's job should be to mold those innate traits for the better! Not to construct an image of the perfect kid they wish to have and foist it on their real, living, breathing, thinking child. :mad::mad: Mothers who desire to do that should stick to creating imaginary children in Facebook games.

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Eek! I have a daughter and another one on the way..

 

I'm worried that I am going to mess them up sounds like could be inevitable to some degree!

Two girls? Shall we betroth our children, for generational LS continuity planning? :laugh:
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While she did occasionally forget the proper boundary with an adult male son and would occasionally 'get up in my business', my experiences and memories of my female role model and mother are overwhelmingly positive. I would say the same for my father, addressing the same-gender competition dynamic, but mom was a part of my life far longer than he, due to his death in his 60's. Wish I had some parent horror stories to tell but my exW was probably right when opining upon my 'Beaver Cleaver' existence. Hard knocks of life would come with others.

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Two girls? Shall we betroth our children, for generational LS continuity planning? :laugh:

 

Theyre the right ages!!

 

Small problem with being in different hemispheres, although not insurmountable!

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Theyre the right ages!!

 

Small problem with being in different hemispheres, although not insurmountable!

Even though our mothers might not agree (actually, I know my mother doesn't agree), LDRs can work! :laugh:
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