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Need some with my brother, I think he is suicidal


KM_0010

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My younger brothers wife was raped and killed while leaving the mall about a month ago she was 8 months pregnant with there first kid and they have only been married for about two years now. He has been in the ER twice now with alcohol poisoning We all think he is suicidal but were not entirely sure. I wanna go stay with him but whenever we go and try and be with him he gets violent and its just i don't know what to do he is so torn up and i want to help my baby brother but i just don't know how. :(

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Calvin's wagon

Hello.

 

First of all, my condolences to you, him and your family, I cannot imagine how horrible all this must have been for all of you.

 

Secondly, I think it's really important that you have turned to seek help, I hope we and others will be able to help!

 

May I ask a couple of questions first, that will help all of us her to give you further advice?

 

1. Has he been into counselling since?

 

2. Has he talked to you or anyone else about what he's feeling?

 

3. Have you (or anyone else) contacted any suicide-prevention hotlines, therapists, suicide/rape victims support groups, to ask them for advice/help?

 

4. If you tell us from which country/state you are, maybe people here will be able to give you advice where to turn for more/professional help?

 

5. When you say that he gets violent when you come over there, what do you mean? Does he become violent just because someone else is around, or does it happen more when you guys try to talk to him about this? Does he attack you/them?

 

////

 

I don't have much experience with suicide, so I cannot give you good advice from personal experience. But from what I've heard from other people, learned in psychology classes, ... , it is crucial that you IMMEDIATELY seek professional help to help you help him! He must go through the grieving/coping process and hopefully slowly embrace the idea that there are other people and things worth living for...

 

And I'm not sure how this works and it might be counterproductive (that's why it's important you contact professionals/people with experience), but I would try to make sure there is always someone with him, at least for the time being, until professional help starts to work. Even if he would "hate" me at the time. If he gets too violent - maybe make sure there are several people present, who can restrain him in his bouts of violence. But this depends on how violent he gets etc.

 

When my ex was showing signs of being suicidal (opened the doors of the car while I was driving,...), for a long time I was afraid of letting her be alone... She had professional help that I think helped a lot.

 

I'm so so so so sorry for what has happened and what is happening... I truly hope you will get professional help IMMEDIATELY and that others here, more experienced will give you their advice.

 

Best of wishes to all of you! I would be really grateful if you responded, so we could help you and eventually be reassured that you're all slowly getting better....

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Hello.

 

First of all, my condolences to you, him and your family, I cannot imagine how horrible all this must have been for all of you.

 

Secondly, I think it's really important that you have turned to seek help, I hope we and others will be able to help!

 

May I ask a couple of questions first, that will help all of us her to give you further advice?

 

1. Has he been into counselling since?

 

2. Has he talked to you or anyone else about what he's feeling?

 

3. Have you (or anyone else) contacted any suicide-prevention hotlines, therapists, suicide/rape victims support groups, to ask them for advice/help?

 

4. If you tell us from which country/state you are, maybe people here will be able to give you advice where to turn for more/professional help?

 

5. When you say that he gets violent when you come over there, what do you mean? Does he become violent just because someone else is around, or does it happen more when you guys try to talk to him about this? Does he attack you/them?

 

////

 

I don't have much experience with suicide, so I cannot give you good advice from personal experience. But from what I've heard from other people, learned in psychology classes, ... , it is crucial that you IMMEDIATELY seek professional help to help you help him! He must go through the grieving/coping process and hopefully slowly embrace the idea that there are other people and things worth living for...

 

And I'm not sure how this works and it might be counterproductive (that's why it's important you contact professionals/people with experience), but I would try to make sure there is always someone with him, at least for the time being, until professional help starts to work. Even if he would "hate" me at the time. If he gets too violent - maybe make sure there are several people present, who can restrain him in his bouts of violence. But this depends on how violent he gets etc.

 

When my ex was showing signs of being suicidal (opened the doors of the car while I was driving,...), for a long time I was afraid of letting her be alone... She had professional help that I think helped a lot.

 

I'm so so so so sorry for what has happened and what is happening... I truly hope you will get professional help IMMEDIATELY and that others here, more experienced will give you their advice.

 

Best of wishes to all of you! I would be really grateful if you responded, so we could help you and eventually be reassured that you're all slowly getting better....

 

No he hasn't been to counselling. And he had been shut up in his house and won't talk to anyone won't have anyone over. no we haven't called anyone and when we come over he gets violent and starts crying really bad and throwing things and such he hasn't attacked us yet. We are in the US in Florida

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Calvin's wagon

Hi!

 

I'm glad you answered so quickly!

 

First of all, I would strongly advise you to call immediately two or three of the hotlines listed here - Home Page and Florida Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression. . I think this is crucial!

 

Also, here is one list of support groups for suicide victims - Florida Suicide Support Groups . I hope when you contact them they will tell you whether it is suitable for your brother to join (if he's feeling suicidal...) or they will direct you to somewhere appropriate.

 

Also contact institutions/NGOs in Florida/USA-wide helping victims of sexual crimes&homicides. Perhaps Services - Victim Service Center of Central Florida, Inc. . I believe they will be able to direct you to a good support group, ... , to help your brother try to get through all of this as well as possible...

 

He will need, in my opinion, counselling, help of support groups, time, love, ... to get through this. It is great to hear that he has such a caring family!

 

Given that he hasn't been violent towards you, I would strongly suggest that you consider (after talking to a hotline for suicide prevention,...) either bringing him to stay at one of your family member's home (maybe where there are most people) - this way, he will not have to be at his home where he will be reminded of her&everything every day, and that way it will the easiest for you guys to keep an eye on him. Try to make sure there's at least one of you (preferably someone as strong as him) around him at all times (even when he's sleeping - take turns...), to make sure there are no guns near him etc. Perhaps consult someone on the possibility of giving him some mild sedatives (herbal teas, something stronger - I don't know the american system/medicine) to help him calm down when he can't sleep etc.

 

If it's not possible for him to stay at anyone, make a rotation of family members to be with him at his home...

 

I think it's very crucial that he be looked after especially now in the beginning, when he's not getting any professional help...

 

So much for now - I really am at a loss as to how to deal with this, so it is CRUCIAL that you talk to professionals now for them to give you adequate advice! I strongly hope you and him will weather through this and that, despite this tragedy, that somewhere soon in the future there are happier days ahead of all of you....

 

Please keep writing here - I hope it helps you to cope with all this. Even if you don't have any questions, just write how you feel, what has been happening - I hope it will help you to just write down and out of your head... And we will try to help you, as much as we can!

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I stayed with him last night he just stayed curled up on the couch trying to talk him into coming to stay with myself and my husband.

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How do you talk someone out of killing themselves when they feel they can't go on? How to you convince them they are worth something and how do you convince them to come live with you where its safer and better ugh.

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Calvin's wagon

Hi,

 

I'm glad to hear from you and that another day has gone by ok... It's great that you've tried to convince him and that he didn't become violent (at least you didn't mention it)!

 

How do you talk someone out of killing themselves when they feel they can't go on? How to you convince them they are worth something and how do you convince them to come live with you where its safer and better ugh.

 

Great questions! Have you perhaps called any of the hotlines in the links I've sent you? I think they could help you in finding answers to these questions...

 

How are you feeling?

 

Best wishes!

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Hi!

 

I'm glad you answered so quickly!

 

First of all, I would strongly advise you to call immediately two or three of the hotlines listed here - Home Page and Florida Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression. . I think this is crucial!

 

Also, here is one list of support groups for suicide victims - Florida Suicide Support Groups . I hope when you contact them they will tell you whether it is suitable for your brother to join (if he's feeling suicidal...) or they will direct you to somewhere appropriate.

 

Also contact institutions/NGOs in Florida/USA-wide helping victims of sexual crimes&homicides. Perhaps Services - Victim Service Center of Central Florida, Inc. . I believe they will be able to direct you to a good support group, ... , to help your brother try to get through all of this as well as possible...

 

He will need, in my opinion, counselling, help of support groups, time, love, ... to get through this. It is great to hear that he has such a caring family!

 

Given that he hasn't been violent towards you, I would strongly suggest that you consider (after talking to a hotline for suicide prevention,...) either bringing him to stay at one of your family member's home (maybe where there are most people) - this way, he will not have to be at his home where he will be reminded of her&everything every day, and that way it will the easiest for you guys to keep an eye on him. Try to make sure there's at least one of you (preferably someone as strong as him) around him at all times (even when he's sleeping - take turns...), to make sure there are no guns near him etc. Perhaps consult someone on the possibility of giving him some mild sedatives (herbal teas, something stronger - I don't know the american system/medicine) to help him calm down when he can't sleep etc.

 

If it's not possible for him to stay at anyone, make a rotation of family members to be with him at his home...

 

I think it's very crucial that he be looked after especially now in the beginning, when he's not getting any professional help...

 

So much for now - I really am at a loss as to how to deal with this, so it is CRUCIAL that you talk to professionals now for them to give you adequate advice! I strongly hope you and him will weather through this and that, despite this tragedy, that somewhere soon in the future there are happier days ahead of all of you....

 

Please keep writing here - I hope it helps you to cope with all this. Even if you don't have any questions, just write how you feel, what has been happening - I hope it will help you to just write down and out of your head... And we will try to help you, as much as we can!

 

Hi,

 

I'm glad to hear from you and that another day has gone by ok... It's great that you've tried to convince him and that he didn't become violent (at least you didn't mention it)!

 

 

 

Great questions! Have you perhaps called any of the hotlines in the links I've sent you? I think they could help you in finding answers to these questions...

 

How are you feeling?

 

Best wishes!

Yeah i did i had to cask 911 last nit and they took hook to the hirsutism he is going to gate me. I an feeling pretty bad actually i fell so bad and fell like i betrayed him

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Professional help, professional help, professional help! It might be that he could be committed, I don't know. But get your family together and get him to see a *good* psych. Emphasis on good because not all are.

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They have committed him. I just don't want them to pump him full of drugs and numb him because that isn't going to help anything.

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They have committed him. I just don't want them to pump him full of drugs and numb him because that isn't going to help anything.

 

Understood. Just use this time to shop around for a *good* shrink. Be willing to pay for one if need be.

 

My real point is, any advice you get here ain't gonna be what your bro needs. He needs professional help. Just make sure you get the good kind and not the kind that'll rob you blind.

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OP, you did the right thing.

 

Just be there for your brother however you can and let the Doctors look after him until he is able to look after himself.

 

I am so sorry this has happened. It is terrible. I hope he is able to recover one day. :(

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Calvin's wagon

Great to hear! I still strongly suggest you call one of the hotlines for prevention of suicide, ... , to get to know how can you help him the most and prevent harm. I don't think the psych, no matter how good he is, is a miracle worker who will instantaneously make him better. Until then, you have to protect your brother from himself, and you need advice from professionals...

 

Best of luck!

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Calvin's wagon

Hi!

 

Have you contacted any of the support groups or hotlines for prevention of suicide?

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My husband doesn't want my brother here anymore i don't know what to do

 

Why? What happened?

 

Not sure what to suggest. Has it been decided that he is not suicidal and alcohol is the main issue... or something like that?

 

I would speak to the Doctors and tell them what is happening. Where I live there are residential styled homes and also individualised mental health units where people stay until recovered - but I am not a mental health expert to provide any real knowledge. I know very little.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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He this since he tried to kill himself last time with us he doesn't want the responsibility and that he shouldjust stay by himself ugh do mad but my brother is with us and asleep they did put him on xanax

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How did he try to kill himself whilst at your place? Gosh, that must have been shocking. Did your H find him or something?

 

Most people cannot manage such a situation. I think most off us couldn't so I would opt for your brother to be placed back into the care of the Doctors if he is trying to kill himself still.

 

My knowledge of meds is not brilliant. If he takes the meds and does not drink maybe he will get better but I wouldn't put money on it. The worst thing that could happen is for you to try to manage this on your own. Is there any support available to you via the Hospital?

 

Even if the symptoms are present due to his alcohol issues, he still needs care.

 

*Eve wonders if the meds are to help stop him drinking*

 

I suppose until the drinking stops it will be hard to get through to him. Drinkers can be difficult because alcohol is a powerful anaesthetic. He will need to get his normal sleeping pattern in place and all sorts before he feels remotely human. There is a section of the board which deals with substance and alcohol related issues. Maybe you could get support there? I know a lot about such things but tend to stay away from that side of the board because it ts too near to a side of what I have done professionally and I find it very frustrating.

 

The priority is that your brother is not being violent, especially to the level where he enters into psychosis. That would be my thinking.

 

I say talk to the Doctors and create a plan of action which your brother must agree to. Maybe your H will feel better to have a plan in place as this is understandably a very difficult situation - but this just means that boundaries need to be even clearer, with a well defined exit strategy for you and your H if things really go crazy. To be honest I think you are already at that point because of the further suicide attempt.

 

I hope I was clear in my message as I am not sure if English is your first language. Please keep us updated.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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No he didn't fine him i did and so far so good brother has been a little better. Trying to keep him away from alcohol is so hard. I have a lot of family parents and such but he is my baby brother and feel like i should be helping him.

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LindaSmiley

Unfortunately, right now he blames all of it on himself. Right now he could possibly be going through hell in his mind & in his heart. He needs to be around family & shown lots of love but at the same time he need some space to think. Your best move right now is to keep him away from any substance abuse. Drinking/Drugs are both horrible coping mechanisms. He could become addicted & while under the influence he can't make responsible decisions. Try to find some sort of group. It might not be his first choice but going with him could help too. He needs to realize that it was not his fault. You could also find many books on the subject for him to read. Learning the healthy ways to cope should be your main priority.

 

Good luck. God bless. You & your family will be in my prayers.

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No he didn't fine him i did and so far so good brother has been a little better. Trying to keep him away from alcohol is so hard. I have a lot of family parents and such but he is my baby brother and feel like i should be helping him.

 

I can't even imagine finding him. :eek: Are there any children in the house?

 

I can only say again that I would advise drawing up a plan off action between yourselves, the Doctors and your brother. I know you want to do the best for him but this is some serious ****. The actual loss of his partner, death of his unborn child.. none of that is anywhere near surfacing and I really do think he needs to detox in a secure enviroment.

 

Are there financial concerns as to why your brother cannot be hospitalised?

 

I hope all your family are helping and not leaving this down to you and your H.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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No no financial concerns no kids in the house but i an four months along.

 

You have to think about the stress you are under and the baby. Are your family helping out?

 

If this is purely your decision, based on wanting to heal your brother - I would advise you to seek counsel immediately from someone in the real world. This is too much and may not be safe for your brother.

 

I know I am just some woman on the internet but please listen. Where I live we have what's called a Crisis Team who can be called in times such as what you are experiencing. I don't know what the equivalent is where you live but you need to draw up a clear, precise plan and your family need to be included.

 

Don't rely on good days. This man has been through too much and it is going to be a long journey before he is ok.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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