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Girlfriend died a few months ago and now her parents are trying to take my son...


Pasco08

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My girlfriend and I had been together since high school well she died a few months ago in a car wreck and we had a one year old son together. I have a great job and such. But now my girlfriends parents are coming after me and wants custody of my kid I don’t understand this and frankly it makes me angry because I let them see him whenever they want but that isn’t enough apparently. Can they really do this? Take my son away from me? I don’t know what I would do if I lost my son as well. Has anyone dealt with this? What should I do? They are claiming they have rights to him. I do have a Lawyer.

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Welcome to LS. I extend my sympathy to you and one cannot imagine your grief.

 

They can challenge you for custody, what state do you reside in?

You definitely need legal counsel.

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Welcome to LS. I extend my sympathy to you and one cannot imagine your grief.

 

They can challenge you for custody, what state do you reside in?

You definitely need legal counsel.

 

In Florida And thanks

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You are the boy's daddy, the court will be very reluctant to take custody from you. Not knowing their motive but guessing they are overdone with grief and fear, they grasp at straws. Perhaps they believe you will remarry and move away. Who knows. Try to remain confident.

 

As long as you are committed to being daddy, it's the best for your boy.

Every party struggles in situations such as this, life will improve.

 

My guess is they want to secure some definite visitation.

 

Hate to bring up cash but often in these tragic deaths of a young mother, is there any motivation on their part due to money? How wealthy they are may intimidate you but the law accepts you as a young father.

 

Again, my sympathy, it's got to be such a great feeling to hug that baby boy.

 

Vent here. Many nice folks to offer knowledge and support.

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I have a great paying job and i also own two businesses so money really isn't a problem. But i am just so shocked about this. I don't know there motivation behind this.

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Hah! They likely don't know but have to act, out of desperation.

 

I get that you have income! I wasn't clear in my comments.

 

Within grief and loss, monetary compensation can assuage feelings---as far as law and insurance. Often a young child or parent comes into insurance or settlement money, thus making child custody very appealing.

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Hah! They likely don't know but have to act, out of desperation.

 

I get that you have income! I wasn't clear in my comments.

 

Within grief and loss, monetary compensation can assuage feelings---as far as law and insurance. Often a young child or parent comes into insurance or settlement money, thus making child custody very appealing.

 

Oh my girlfriend didn't have a life insurance but i did get a settlement from the offender sorry i wasn't sure what you meant. My parents are a few states away but they think its total crap they are doing this.

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I have a great paying job and i also own two businesses so money really isn't a problem. But i am just so shocked about this. I don't know there motivation behind this.

 

They may be acting out of fear, terrified that they won't be able to continue seeing their precious grandson. Perhaps you could reassure them that he will always be a part of their lives.

 

Please, try not to be angry with them, the pain must be unbearable - as I'm sure it is for you.

 

I'm so sorry.

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They may be acting out of fear, terrified that they won't be able to continue seeing their precious grandson. Perhaps you could reassure them that he will always be a part of their lives.

 

Please, try not to be angry with them, the pain must be unbearable - as I'm sure it is for you.

 

I'm so sorry.

 

I can't tell you how angry i am though. I let them have him whenever they want. I even let him spend the night with them.

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I can't tell you how angry i am though. I let them have him whenever they want. I even let him spend the night with them.

 

 

I understand how this would make you angry - gosh, they want to take your boy away from you - who wouldn't be angry? Thing is though, anger won't get you anywhere.

Is it passed the point of sitting down with them and discussing this?

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I understand how this would make you angry - gosh, they want to take your boy away from you - who wouldn't be angry? Thing is though, anger won't get you anywhere.

Is it passed the point of sitting down with them and discussing this?

 

I don't know this is kind of a slap in the face to me and i just feel really hostile towards them now.

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Do they have ANY reason to be concerned for your son?

 

If not, he's YOUR son. Make him your priority. If you do, here'd be no reason they could take him away...

 

You are on his birth certificate, right?

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Do they have ANY reason to be concerned for your son?

 

If not, he's YOUR son. Make him your priority. If you do, here'd be no reason they could take him away...

 

You are on his birth certificate, right?

 

No there shouldn't be any concern and of course i am

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I don't know this is kind of a slap in the face to me and i just feel really hostile towards them now.

 

 

Have they communicated directly with you regarding this, or through a lawyer? Have they given any reasons for trying to take your son?

 

It seems so strange, you'd think they would want him to be with his daddy.

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well unfortunately once lawyers enter the picture its not beneficial to have contact with them personally

 

i would fight tooth and nail for him. He's your baby boy and they are being unbelievably selfish. And in my opinion abusive to their grandchild.

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I'd definitely be talking to lawyers, and first off- THEM. I think it would be wise to have a couple conversations with the grandparents to see if you can figure out their motive. Is it out of fear of you moving away, they think you're un-fit etc.. Maybe these things can be talked about and settled before pursuing such things as court which can be stressful, time consuming and horribly expensive.

 

This is very good advice. OP how is your relationship with those parents now when they come and see your son? Do you talk to each other?

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I doubt the courts can or will take your son from you unless they (the childs grandparents) have evidence and can prove that you are an unfit parent.

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I think they believe that if they don't get any kind of legal agreement, you'd be able to leave the area, the country, get married and they would not be able to stay in contact with your son, maybe in the future....they are trying to establish their legal rights as grandparents.

 

Surely they are not trying to gain custody and take him from you! They may have rights, but they will not have more rights than a parent does!

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Have they communicated directly with you regarding this, or through a lawyer? Have they given any reasons for trying to take your son?

 

It seems so strange, you'd think they would want him to be with his daddy.

 

Through a Lawyer They think i am unfit because i can't be there enough for him.

 

I'd definitely be talking to lawyers, and first off- THEM. I think it would be wise to have a couple conversations with the grandparents to see if you can figure out their motive. Is it out of fear of you moving away, they think you're un-fit etc.. Maybe these things can be talked about and settled before pursuing such things as court which can be stressful, time consuming and horribly expensive.

 

I have talked to a lawyer and have hired one. They say i am unfit because i can't spend enough time with him but they also mentioned moving but i have no intention to move anywhere.

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well unfortunately once lawyers enter the picture its not beneficial to have contact with them personally

 

i would fight tooth and nail for him. He's your baby boy and they are being unbelievably selfish. And in my opinion abusive to their grandchild.

 

I will fight them to the end Son is all i have left at this point can't lose him. :(

 

This is very good advice. OP how is your relationship with those parents now when they come and see your son? Do you talk to each other?

 

Do you mean since they Lawyered up? I haven't let them see him since then. And have communicated with them.

 

I doubt the courts can or will take your son from you unless they (the childs grandparents) have evidence and can prove that you are an unfit parent.

 

I hope so.

 

I think they believe that if they don't get any kind of legal agreement, you'd be able to leave the area, the country, get married and they would not be able to stay in contact with your son, maybe in the future....they are trying to establish their legal rights as grandparents.

 

Surely they are not trying to gain custody and take him from you! They may have rights, but they will not have more rights than a parent does!

 

My lawyer thinks they are after visitation of some sort.

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Do you mean since they Lawyered up? I haven't let them see him since then. And have communicated with them.

 

 

How about letting them to visit your son but only in your presence in your house? Just to make you look good basically.

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dreamingoftigers

My parents also tried to take custody of my daughter.

 

My father said that it was because I was restricting visitation access to her.

 

I was restricting access to supervised visits in my home only.

Instead of working with me, he tried to "outfight" me on it and bring in legal measures.

 

Since social services had been involved in my case, I had six months of time and parental evaluations backing that not only was I no threat to my child in any way, I was reasonable, dedicated to my child and a non-abusive/neglectful parent. My husband had significant recovery challenges before he could restore his status with our daughter, which he did.

 

My father on the other hand was under a social services supervision order that only lapsed because my sister turned 18.

 

His lawyer talked him out of it. He mentioned that with social services backing me, the BEST that he might be able to do was grandparent's access but that since he ALREADY had access, it would just be a foolish endeavour. As well, that at this point, I could simply close access and make it a very challenging legal and financial battle for that.

 

If the law where you are is anything like the law where I am, the state doesn't just accept both of your resumes and compare who might have more experience finger-painting and hand the child to that person.

 

The first thing that they must price is that you are not a safe parent. That isn't to say that you cannot be an imperfect parent. You can be a lazy parent, or a not-so-fun parent. But until you are solidly proven in court to be UNFIT, which needs more than a simple "I saw him cuss out my daughter before she died." or whatever fabrication.

 

It requires evaluations from psychologists/psychiatrists and a confirmed pattern of neglect. They may be able to say "he doesn't have time" but if you child is not showing or telling any signs of neglect/depression/malnutrition etc etc etc, than the argument legally does not hold water.

 

Furthermore, I recommend you get into some parting courses that would be offered for free around you area. Not because you "have an issue" etc. But because legally it shows an interest in parenting your son. These courses are looked at very favorably in the court systems. Yes, a lot of them are very basic and yes there will be a lot of stunned people in them. You are there fir the piece of paper showing "I am a concerned parent."

 

You are going to want to get letters from friends/family/clergy/professionals stating your parenting strengths etc. If your son is not up to date with his vaccinations, get them up to date. Hold off on dating for now if you have been.

 

Has their lawyer contacted you yet?

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How about letting them to visit your son but only in your presence in your house? Just to make you look good basically.

 

I guess i could let that happen

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My parents also tried to take custody of my daughter.

 

My father said that it was because I was restricting visitation access to her.

 

I was restricting access to supervised visits in my home only.

Instead of working with me, he tried to "outfight" me on it and bring in legal measures.

 

Since social services had been involved in my case, I had six months of time and parental evaluations backing that not only was I no threat to my child in any way, I was reasonable, dedicated to my child and a non-abusive/neglectful parent. My husband had significant recovery challenges before he could restore his status with our daughter, which he did.

 

My father on the other hand was under a social services supervision order that only lapsed because my sister turned 18.

 

His lawyer talked him out of it. He mentioned that with social services backing me, the BEST that he might be able to do was grandparent's access but that since he ALREADY had access, it would just be a foolish endeavour. As well, that at this point, I could simply close access and make it a very challenging legal and financial battle for that.

 

If the law where you are is anything like the law where I am, the state doesn't just accept both of your resumes and compare who might have more experience finger-painting and hand the child to that person.

 

The first thing that they must price is that you are not a safe parent. That isn't to say that you cannot be an imperfect parent. You can be a lazy parent, or a not-so-fun parent. But until you are solidly proven in court to be UNFIT, which needs more than a simple "I saw him cuss out my daughter before she died." or whatever fabrication.

 

It requires evaluations from psychologists/psychiatrists and a confirmed pattern of neglect. They may be able to say "he doesn't have time" but if you child is not showing or telling any signs of neglect/depression/malnutrition etc etc etc, than the argument legally does not hold water.

 

Furthermore, I recommend you get into some parting courses that would be offered for free around you area. Not because you "have an issue" etc. But because legally it shows an interest in parenting your son. These courses are looked at very favorably in the court systems. Yes, a lot of them are very basic and yes there will be a lot of stunned people in them. You are there fir the piece of paper showing "I am a concerned parent."

 

You are going to want to get letters from friends/family/clergy/professionals stating your parenting strengths etc. If your son is not up to date with his vaccinations, get them up to date. Hold off on dating for now if you have been.

 

Has their lawyer contacted you yet?

 

I already have Letters from friends and family and others and my son is up to date on everything. My lawyer has told me there cause is basically crap. And yes.

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