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My niece and her comments


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Old 3rd April 2011, 11:25 PM   #1
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My niece and her comments

Let me preface this by saying, my niece is a wonderful mom, but boy her tongue....

During any family gathering one of the family members, mostly nieces or nephews are announcing a new pregnacy. When it does my niece makes her nasty comments. You see, she is infertile and has chosen to adopt and be a wonderful mom. So what makes her think its okay to bad mouth the mother to be? She often says" Dont be complaining around me about your back pain and swollen feet!" - I know she is somewhat envious that the experience of pregnancy was taken away from her, but dern she just doesn't get to spew out such things as if its her god given right because she is barren. Even if one of her friends is pregnant she tells them to shut up that they should be grateful for the pain. Name me one person who is grateful for the aches and waddling. ITs not one of the positives and I'll be dern if I'll "shhhh" a new mom from expressing that discomfort. ITs no different then someone who got back surgery and still complains about the pain, ...its there and they deserve to be acknowledged. So how do I approach my niece on her inappropriate comments on this subject? She is ever so touchy about her plight yet she has no idea how hurtful her comments come across....Your thoughts?
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Old 4th April 2011, 12:21 AM   #2
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It sounds like your niece needs therapy, and badly.

What does her husband think of all this? Could there be an intervention?
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Old 4th April 2011, 1:45 PM   #3
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I doubt I can mention therepy to her. Like I said she is clearly touchy on anyone dare approaching her on her attitude as she plays the "I'm barren" So I deserve to voice my perspective! ( Rather non empathic to others on this matter).
Her husband is 110% in her corner and thinks folks should acknowledge her plight and not gripe. That she has every right to gripe, but heavens forbid if a soon to be mom mentions swollen feet or back pain...An all out spat transpires.
Reckon timing and the right phrasing is what I'm seeking. I really do think she is a great mom but even in front of her son she shouldn't be acting so distained towards others on this matter, it sends a bad message.
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Old 6th April 2011, 1:12 PM   #4
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Sorry to hear. I am probably with your Hubby on this one.

Someone will retaliate one day and hopefully she will learn from an active experience as such more than words which she can't bear to hear due to her own loss.

Take care,
Eve x
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Old 6th April 2011, 1:24 PM   #5
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This is very common. You can google search and read story after story of women struggling with infertility being so upset about announcements of thier loved ones pregnancies, sometimes to the point they will not speak to the loved one. Or that they just cannot deal with friends having children and stop being their friends.

It is a form of pain they are going through and also a strong form of jealousy. I think people tend to try sometimes to cater to the feelings of infertile women without taking into account the cost of their actions towards those who are able to conceive.

I will tell you that is someone told me at this point that I should just shut up and not ever complain about my aching back I would have some not so nice remarks come out of my mouth. I don't think I could even help it. I understand that woman is missing out maybe or in pain but darn that's just selfishness.

If you do decide to approach your niece I would try to do it from a empathetic perspective but in a way that makes it clear that emotionally attacking pregnant women is entirely unacceptable.
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Old 6th April 2011, 7:54 PM   #6
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Thank you Tink! I do agree that as empathic as I have been towards her sorrow, gosh knows she was soo heartbroken, and we all really thought her adoption of my great-nephew would in some ways rejuvenate her in her parenting desire. Her outburst though is so unkind and needs confronted.

Eve- Umm....I don't have a hubby , but my niece does! And he is very supportive of her outburst, Then again he spoils her and can't understand why we deliberately "hurt" her when family kin make the wonderful announcement they are expecting. I don't think people should keep such a secret or "HIDE" the annoucement simply because the niece is barren. There is a time to grow as an adult and rejoice in others good news without turning it into a battle of "woe is me". It probably irrates me more that she GUILTS anyone who does get blessed with child (pregnancy)
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Old 6th April 2011, 8:21 PM   #7
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Oh gawd I hate people who play the victim card over and over....

And she gets away with it because nobody stands up to her.

Someone needs to tell her the put a sock in it the next time she says something nasty.

You don't even need to be nasty back- just something along the lines of "What an unsupportive and rude thing to say- after all the support we have given you in your times of need".
Its not all about her.... sheesh!
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Old 7th April 2011, 3:02 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayla View Post

Eve- Umm....I don't have a hubby , but my niece does! And he is very supportive of her outburst, Then again he spoils her and can't understand why we deliberately "hurt" her when family kin make the wonderful announcement they are expecting. I don't think people should keep such a secret or "HIDE" the annoucement simply because the niece is barren. There is a time to grow as an adult and rejoice in others good news without turning it into a battle of "woe is me". It probably irrates me more that she GUILTS anyone who does get blessed with child (pregnancy)
Sorry Tayla for misreading.

Yeah, I can see what you mean about the guilt tripping but doubt she will change unless she has an experience that brings about some sense of empathy for another. I think I would hold my tongue and be supportive to the pregnant person rather than tongue lash her.. but I am not sure how true this would hold if something like this were to really happen within my life. .

I suppose I see not being able to have kids as an exceptional pain after seeing what my sister has been through... but my sister is a supportive person to those who are pregnant, even though it hurts her. Realistically, I would probably give her a hug or something and help her get out of the situation if she did sound off to someone because I would think of the actions as being from her own pain rather than anything malicious.

This is difficult! You have to do what you think is right Tayla. What Tink said sounds good.

Apologies again for misreading your post.

Take care,
Eve x
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