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I haven't spoken to my parents in 4 years - should I regain contact??


Frudenburtel

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My parents were always very strict on me. They never let me out of the house and when I was a teenager I got very sick of it. I ran away when I was 16. That was 4 years ago. I have been living for the past 4 years with a friend of mine from another state that my parent's didn't know. I am living with my friend and her mother and they have taken me in like part of the family. I am not engaged to be married to a wonderful man. He knows all about my past. We are planning on getting married sometime within the next year. I would like my family to be there, but I haven't spoken to them in 4 years. I don't know what they are doing now or if they even still live at the same place. I haven't tried to make contact with them and apparently, they haven't tried to look for me or find me. Which makes me think they don't care to see me again.

 

I feel guilty sometimes about leaving my family, but I didn't have a good life at home living with my parents. I have started over fresh and have a great life now. I sometimes miss my family and want to regain contact and let them in on my happiness. But I am afraid there would be too much friction and they wouldn't accept me back into the family as their daughter because I ran away when I as 16.

 

Should I try to contact them? I could use some advice. Thanks.

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I think hat you should contact them cos i bet they miss you so much and i think deep in your heart you know it is what you want to do.

 

Im sure they will be happy to recieve a call or a letter or even better just turn up

 

good luck :D

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But they haven't tried to contact me over the 4 years that I have been gone. Why would they want to have contact with me now? I am afraid they would shun me away. If they don't care enough to try to find me, why should I care?

 

I want to, but I am scared of the outcome.

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HokeyReligions
apparently, they haven't tried to look for me or find me

 

You don't know for sure that they have not tried to find you. You have made no attempts at contacting them and don't keep track of them thru anyone else - right?

 

 

Call them. You don't have to say any more than "I'm grown up now and I thought you might like to know that I am alive and well." The rest will come to you after you hear each others voices.

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By all means, do contact them. I don't know a parent alive that wouldn't be happy to hear from their child, no matter what kinds of problems you might have had with them when you were a teenager. I'm sure they want what is best for you and will be thrilled to hear from you. But if they aren't, at least you tried. In my opinion, you really don't have anything to lose at this point. You have a family that you're living with that cares about you and a fiance that loves you. They're not going anywhere. You can only gain more, right?

 

Let us know what you decide and how things go.

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be forewarned, though. whatever made you run four years ago is probably still going to be there. it's cool that you want to reunite, but just be very emotionally cautious if you do.

 

you have a great life ahead of you, it sounds like. there is no shame in cutting toxic people off completely.

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maybe cos u ran away they thoght u didnt want to be reached or maybe they are sitting there thinking the exact same thoughts about you not looking for them in all that time and they think u dont want to find them .....someone has to make the effort to contact the other so i still say do it :D

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A part of growing up is being able to look at past situations with a less biased eye. I don't doubt that your parents may have been strict in raising you, but do you know the reasons behind their decisions – have you ever wondered about them, or is it enough for you to not look back after taking off?

 

I have mixed feelings about your question, to be honest. My older brother closed the door on my family about the time I graduated HS in '84, and has recently started talking to my parents again, but ONLY because his ex-wife contacted the family about them having a grandchild by him.

 

It's very hard seeing your parents mourn for a child they don't know is dead or alive, and to hope against every hope that the next phone call or personal letter is one from him or her ... as Cindy says, you have nothing to lose at this point, only a lot to gain. Even if they might appear cold or uncaring, inside, they'll be glad to know that you're alive and okay. How you chose to continue a relationship with them is up to you, but you probably will be very glad that you at least were courageous enough to make that effort regardless how things turn out.

 

[color=darkblue] haven't tried to make contact with them and apparently, they haven't tried to look for me or find me. Which makes me think they don't care to see me again.[/color]

 

And you know this because? Did you stop to think that maybe you did a very good job at hiding from them all this time, that whatever trails you might have left behind were cold by the time they found them? You have the upper hand here because you know where they are and how to find them. They know nothing about you, where you might have ended up or that you're even alive! My guess is that if you show up out of the blue, their first thought will be "My God, she's not dead!" and will be happy to see you.

 

Think seriously about what you're looking for as you make your decision. You might find the cold, strict couple who made your teenage years hell, you might find that they've become less staid in their outlook and are actually loving people, you might find someone has died in the last four years or that they've gotten divorced. Are you ready to face any of these possibilities?

 

Just one word of advice here: don't do anything that you'll later have serious regrets about, because opportunities don't hang around your front door, incessantly knocking while waiting for you to come to the door.

 

I wish you the best in your decision,

quank

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To everyone who helped me -

 

Thank you so much! After reading your responses, I felt enough strength in me to try to give my parents a call. So that I did. I have spent the last hour on the phone with my mother and father. They were totally shocked to hear from me. But they were also glad.

 

I was relieved to find out that both of them are doing fine and in good health. I also learned that my older brother, Jason, was married 2 years ago and now has a 2 month old! I can't wait to meet my new neice. My mom wants me to come into town this next weekend and she said she will invite all the family to celebrate my homecoming.

 

We didn't talk about my running away, or the reasons behind it. I think that she was just so glad to hear from me, that she didn't care why I'd ran away. All she cared about was getting me back home.

 

I didn't tell her about my engagement. I am going to wait and bring my fiance to my hometown with me and let us tell my family together.

 

I am very glad I made the call. I am now so very excited about reuniting with my mom, dad, brother..and meeting his new wife and baby and all my aunts and uncles. I am ecstatic.

 

I just want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. You all gave me the courage to make that phone call. Thank you all so much!

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This is really a hard decision. And in some sense I can relate to you, but it has to do with my half brothers. But anyways, you had to do what was best for you at the time, and if life was not good for you at home, then you did a good thing. You grew up and became responsible and found happiness elsewhere. If I were you, I would get intouch with them. You never know what they are thinking and how worried sick they are about you not being there so your best bet is to contact them. Now, if they treat you the same way as when you were when you were younger, then you can simply shut them out of your life again. You are the only person who controls who is in your life and who is not. If you parents were never positive and never loved you and cared about you and problems always occuring, then you can simply be on your own and do your own thing and have those people who love you and care about you, and are positive in your life. But you are the only person who can control that. Do what is right for you. You don't know how you parents feel about you leaving, so just see how it goes when you call them and see where it leads. Hope this helps. ----SARAH

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I am so happy for you! It literally brought tears to my eyes to read your post saying that you had contacted your parents. I knew they would be so thrilled to hear from you. I can't imagine what I would have done if my son had left my life when he was a teenager, which could have happened because we did have some pretty serious falling outs, which I think is fairly common in a lot of households.

 

But now that you're older I'm sure none of that matters. It's best not to dwell on the past and just live in the present and talk about the future. You have so much joy ahead of you. I am so proud of you for getting the courage to do that. I'm sure it took a lot of strength. Good luck to you!! Let us know how things go.

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you go girl, and have fun reuniting with your family. My guess is that now everyone's older and wiser, they'll wait until you feel comfortable enough to say why you left, and if you don't, it's okay because you're with them now.

 

a new baby ... pretty dang cool!

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