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My step-sister is acting weird...


stepkidkevin

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Okay, I didn't know if this was the right place to post this so if it isn't I'm sorry.

 

First off, I'm not a parent, but I am a stepchild. My name is Kevin. Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad married another woman. She had a daughter who was 15 at the time and we all moved in together. We all got along pretty well. I go to a local college now but still live at home(stepmom's orders--inside joke). Anyways, over the last six months or so, though, my stepsister has been acting weird.

 

Whenever we're around my dad and stepmom, she kind of acts like a bitch to me. Not a really really mean bitch but just kind of mean and blows me off a lot, like she's better than me or something. Any time we're alone, though, like if we're both in the kitchen getting something to eat or we cross each other in a hallway, she tends to be physically aggressive, like she'll hit me in the shoulder, like joking, or tap the back of my head with her hand. Also, when my parents aren't around she doesn't talk mean to me. She's friendlier to me and asks me lots of questions about myself, like about my girlfriend(I don't have one) and even makes crude jokes that are kind of sexually suggestive. She NEVER does this when our parents are around so I don't know what it means.

 

It's just worried me because of certain situations that have made me uncomfortable. Like, one night a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month, we were all in the basement(we converted our basement into a family room with a home theater) and were watching a movie. After the movie was over our parents went upstairs to get a snack and go to bed. I changed the channel to cartoons or something and my stepsister got up from the chair she was sitting in and sat neck to me on the sofa. It's a big sofa, though, and she sat on the far end. After a view minutes she laid back and stuck her feet in my lap.

 

Aside from her punching me in the shoulder or hitting me lightly in the head, this was the first time she ever made intentional physical contact with me. I didn't know where to punch my arms so I sort of just laid them on top of her shins. Then, she started making light-hearted conversation and even went so far as to put her bare feet on my face, but laughed as she did. It didn't seem like she was trying to be mean, it was more like playing. I played along and laughed but was really confused.

 

Ever since that day, the contact has become more frequent. Two weeks ago I was putting some dirty laundry in a basket in my room and my stepsister happened to walk by. She ran in and hit me with an open hand on my butt, then ran away and laughed. From then on, anytime I walk past her when my parents aren't around she'll hit me on the butt and laugh. I have to basically walk sideways past her to avoid getting hit.

 

Now, she also emails me webcam pics of herself usually sticking her tongue out or making a funny face.

 

The physical contact, emails of webcam pictures and the conversations have gotten more and more frequent. She still talks and acts the same around our parents, but different when we're alone. Not that it matters, but even though I think my stepsister is cute, I've never told her or given her a reason to be flirty with me. Am I doing something wrong? I don't know what to do next.

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Assuming you're not making this up, it seems that she may like you.

 

As for what to do next, I have no idea, well Greg and Marcia weren't blood related...

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Assuming you're not making this up, it seems that she may like you.

 

As for what to do next, I have no idea, well Greg and Marcia weren't blood related...

This could create some really tense family situations. Ask your step-sister to keep her hands off. She may just enjoy torturing you.

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SincereOnlineGuy

You don't exactly saaaaaaaaaaaaay what you want out of the scenario.

 

 

Aside from potentially-awkward family situations, at least your step-sister is not truly freaky in her seeming advances. No matter what anybody says, it is 'fair' that a teenage girl is suddenly thrown into close, everyday proximity with a teenage boy who is not her blood relative and evolves to have feelings for him.

 

The familial element to it kept her in check for a while, but perhaps your having evolved to go to (a different school from her, for the first time since the marriage??) caused you to NOT be around all the time, and that no longer being around one another 24/7 has inspired her to have more curiosity about you.

 

I'm so glad that this isn't universally viewed as "weird" or "wrong" as would likely be the case had you been step-siblings since you were toddlers.

 

Goal A is to figure out whether YOU want anything romantic with this admitted step-sister. (that is entirely your choice to decide, outside and beyond the court of public opinion)

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You don't exactly saaaaaaaaaaaaay what you want out of the scenario.

 

 

Aside from potentially-awkward family situations, at least your step-sister is not truly freaky in her seeming advances. No matter what anybody says, it is 'fair' that a teenage girl is suddenly thrown into close, everyday proximity with a teenage boy who is not her blood relative and evolves to have feelings for him.

 

The familial element to it kept her in check for a while, but perhaps your having evolved to go to (a different school from her, for the first time since the marriage??) caused you to NOT be around all the time, and that no longer being around one another 24/7 has inspired her to have more curiosity about you.

 

I'm so glad that this isn't universally viewed as "weird" or "wrong" as would likely be the case had you been step-siblings since you were toddlers.

 

Goal A is to figure out whether YOU want anything romantic with this admitted step-sister. (that is entirely your choice to decide, outside and beyond the court of public opinion)

 

 

nooooooooooooooo, yes it is your choice, but of all the girls in the universe why would you pick your step sister and create some drama within the family.

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SincereOnlineGuy
nooooooooooooooo, yes it is your choice, but of all the girls in the universe why would you pick your step sister and create some drama within the family.

 

 

Well obviously the most significant reason would be if she clearly picked you

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Thanks for the comments, guys!

 

 

I'm not sure that she's flirting, but it's just weird. I'm 18 and she's 17, by the way. The way she acts around me alone and around me when our parents are around it's like Jekkyl and Hyde. Two different people. I've had girls flirt with me before and the things they've done is a lot alike with what my stepsis does.

 

 

I'm naturally a pretty passive person and I don't want to make the issue bigger by telling my dad or stepmom because then they'll probably talk to my stepsis and then things will get even more weird and uncomfortable. Mostly, I chuckle and laugh it off. I kind of don't say too much back so that she doesn't think I'm flirting back because either way it'll be bad. If she is flirty with me she'll think I'm flirting back. If she's not, she'll think I'm a weirdo.

 

 

There's been more incidents than I wrote but I didn't want to share them all because it would take forever, but there's just been a lot of stuff, most of it to me kind of seems like flirting. And the clothes issue. When we're around my parents she wears a lot of stuff that covers her up like long pants and hoodies and stuff. When my parents are out of the house or work late and we're home alone, the stuff she wears is, well, smaller, I'll just say that. She's not exactly flat-chested either so it's even more noticeable. And before my parents come home she goes back to her room. I mean, this is like on cue, almost every night. I don't know, it's just an everyday issue.

 

 

I've brought up wanting to move out of the house with my stepsis, just in casual conversation and she always makes strong cases for me not to move out. Like, saying it's too expensive and a million other things. She had one female friend she brought over once and me and her started talking on and off during her visit, just joking and getting along. My stepsis never had her back over again as far as I know, at least with me at home. I asked about the friend once and my stepsis made excuses like she was a bitch and this and that and whatever. Like I said, it's just a lot of things. I know I'm not crazy but I don't know who to turn to.

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I usually advise people not date someone they work with because if it blows up and ends - you have to be around them 5 days out of the week.

 

I can't even imagine the mess that would be created if you and your step sis dated and then broke up.........

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yeah she seems to like you...

the question is, do you like her?

and would you want to date her or not?

 

It would be kinda complicated because you live in the same house...

It's not a great idea!

 

Maybe try to get another gf so she'll back off?

or maybe try to avoid her as much as you can until she loses interest?

 

Good luck :p

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Honestly, I think she really likes you. From what you've written, she just seems to like putting on a front when your parents are there instead of acting like her "real" self--probably to eliminate the chances of them thinking anything of it. There really is no reason why she would only act like that towards you while you're alone with her unless she feels some type of way about you.

 

I dunno, man. I could be wrong; to me, tho, it just sounds like she has feelings for you, and her actions seem to imply as much. The question is: how do you really feel about this? Does it bother you? Or do you like how she acts when your parents aren't around?

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Has she ever had a boyfriend before all this? If she's coming into her age, I'm guessing her hormones are practically raging at this point. The only thing that's spurring her is the fact that you guys are not blood related, hence the sexual aggression.

 

I wouldn't categorize dating your stepsister taboo, but it is inappropriate in the eyes of your parents.

 

I would tell your stepsister to knock it off.

 

EDIT- Also I would definitely suggest you look at the consequences were you to even consider being with her. If your parents have a baby in the near future, the both of you would end up with a half brother/sister. Imagine then, if you happen to marry your stepsister... and have a child at that.... The family tree would become slightly off and awkward.

Edited by xpaperxcutx
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Honestly, I think she really likes you. From what you've written, she just seems to like putting on a front when your parents are there instead of acting like her "real" self--probably to eliminate the chances of them thinking anything of it. There really is no reason why she would only act like that towards you while you're alone with her unless she feels some type of way about you.

 

I dunno, man. I could be wrong; to me, tho, it just sounds like she has feelings for you, and her actions seem to imply as much. The question is: how do you really feel about this? Does it bother you? Or do you like how she acts when your parents aren't around?

 

I have to admit that I like the attention. She is cute. What sucks is that she's "my type". If our parents weren't married, she's the kind of girl I'd go after which makes things worse.

 

The problem is that when she gives me attention, it's a sweet kind, not a really scary agrressive type.

 

I've never initiated any kind of flirty behavior with her just because I know that other people would find it weird. I'm reacting more out of fear of what other people would think and not how I feel. I kind of just try to be polite when I respond to how she acts towards me without coming off as leading her on. I've never told any people I know personally about the problem because I know that it'd be all over town.

 

I really appreciate you guys being supportive with me.

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That's understandable. To be honest, if I was in the same situation, I'd likely act similar, since this is an unusual spot for anyone to be in. Most people would think entertaining the possibility with a step-sibling is weird, and unfortunately, that's how society tends to look at things. The problem with that, is it makes it difficult for people (Such as yourself) to approach the situation.

 

I think you're handling the situation as best as you can. I really hope things go well for you, dude.

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LOL, man am I glad I never had any step-sisters. Dude if I was in your situation, I would have had sex with her already. It would be a secret affair that nobody else knows about.

 

When you're alone with her, just straight up ask her if she likes you. Then post her answer here.

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Thanks, Cracker Jack and somedude.

 

"When you're alone with her, just straight up ask her if she likes you. Then post her answer here."

 

I plan to. I think I'm going to do that tonight. Just draw up some courage and ask her straight up. I'll let you guys know what happened.

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It would be VERY different if you guys were step siblings since age 9 and grew up together. But, you only know her for like two years and she is not blood related to you in any way. And, it's not like she's 28 and you're 17. You're about the same age.

 

How long have your parents been divorced? Was your stepmom ever the other woman (affair partner) of your dad?

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After talking at length to a lot of the kind people in this thread about what I should do, I finally decided to just sit down with my stepsister and talk to her candidly and honestly.

 

 

Whew... what a conversation. We spoke for a few hours last night and a LOT of stuff came out.

 

 

Late Friday night, our parents went over to their friends' house down the street and my stepsis and I had some time for privacy. I was strong and just laid down the law, sat her down, looked her in the eyes and asked some hard questions.

 

 

I brought up all of the things she'd done over the past few months that confused me. The physical contact and the sexual innuendo in the jokes and comments she'd make when we were alone, the change in behavior and stuff when we're alone.

 

 

After about 20 minutes of me bringing all of this stuff up, she looked caught. She couldn't look me in the eyes and kind of lost that talkative confidence she usually has around me.

 

 

Then she did something I never expected she'd do. She started crying. Not bawling, just quietly crying. Tears coming down but not crazy screaming crying.

 

 

I asked her why she was crying and she asked how I couldn't tell. I gave her a hug to try and console her because I didn't mean to make her cry. She asked if I even thought she was pretty and I said I did. She asked if I had feelings for her and I told her that I thought she was awesome, that she was my sister now and I loved her and, even though she was my stepsister, I felt like she was my best friend, too, since we spend so much time together.

 

 

THEN, she admitted that she felt the same and that she loved me. Not stepbrother/brother love, but that she was IN LOVE with me.

 

 

Then, a waterfall of confessions came out of her. She admitted that she'd had a crush on me since we first met when our parents started dating and that she'd been confused about her feelings for a long time and that, a few months ago, she decided not to be confused and to act on how she felt.

I started to sweat and get nervous. I didn't know what to say. Then, she kissed me. Out of nowhere, she kisses me. I know it was wrong, but I kissed her back. I felt like I was losing control of the situation.

 

 

I told her that we should dial things back and slow down and think about what it would mean to the family if we kept going in that direction.

 

 

I told her that now that we've made these confessions to each other, we should talk more openly to figure things out to see what we want to do and what would be best. She agreed.

 

 

And, in another bone-headed move, we kissed some more.

 

 

Anyways, that's where it ended last night. I'm thinking of moving out to give myself some space from my stepsis to see if maybe that will cool things down. THEN I can talk to my dad privately about some of the things that have happened to ask for his advice. I think he's suspicious, anyways. I know my dad and it seems like he knows more than he's been letting on.

Whew! Well, that was a mouthful. I know some of you will be disappointed in what happened, but I wanted to be honest and share what happened. It's still a work-in-progress and I look forward to hearing whatever comments you have since you guys have been so cool to me so far.

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Wow, that was unbelievable to read.

 

You did the right thing, man. I'm proud of you for handling the situation the way you did. Don't let it bother you.

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Wow crazy stuff.

 

Good job on confronting her about it. It must have been really difficult making that decision. So now you know the truth.

 

Where to take if from now on is all up to you.

 

I don't know if telling your dad is a good idea.

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SincereOnlineGuy

Hey, that was ALL very much OK. Sheeeeeeeeeeee too is to be commended for being so brave and so honest. How many girls of all ages would have denied and retreated and caused even more confusion.

 

You now have such a unique opportunity to build an awesome bond with her, and IF she has had a crush on you since you first met, then she is not out-of-bounds at all.

 

Hear me saying that it would be very much OK if you merely 'opted' not to continue anything romantic with her, just for the awkwardness it could cause, but I promise you that neither of you is out-of-bounds in the story so far.

 

This very same scenario probably replays itself more and more in this day and age of divorce. Your parents weren't 'wrong' in thrusting the two of you into a shared environment, but neither are you and your step-sister wrong for one or both being attracted to the other.

 

I'm really impressed by your handling of the situation. You came here for anonymous advice and possible understanding, and then you built up your courage and resolve and boldly asked her how she felt.

 

I'm also very impressed by her will for being so honest with you... she was so vulnerable when doing so, and you could tell...

 

(admittedly, it figures to be tough to resist one another from here on out, but that is OK too)

 

(perhaps you'll be back to LS when it comes time to announce to your parents that you want to be closer to her... - and that would be 'fine' too)

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THanks, guys. Yeah, it did take a lot of willpower when we talked Friday night not to just be more physical. I have to admit that I had a boner when we kissed and for most of the rest of the night. lol

 

Stepsis and I went out to have a longer, more private talk this morning. We went out to a park that's kind of out of town for privacy. We spent a few hours there just walking around and talking. We did hold hands for most of the visit, but at least we came out and were honest with each other.

 

She admitted more stuff to me, about how she had to pretend to be kind of bitchy to me almost ever since we met to hide her feelings. She knew that our parents were probably serious and just figured that I would reject outright because our parents were dating. So, for all that time she was kind of using a poker face but she admitted that she had strong feelings for me pretty early.

 

Our parents, when they first started dating, used to take all of us out for lunch and stuff on the weekend. We'd go to a restaurant or coffee shop, then go shopping or to a movie or something. Stepsis said that those days were the worst because she had to constantly pretend that she didn't think much of me, like being dismissive whenever I'd make a comment or a joke.

 

Anyways, we ended up deciding that we should think more about things for a little while and if we thought that the attraction wasn't going to go away that we should at least come out to our parents and let them know how we feel.

 

I don't know. It's a confusing time and I'm kind of worried about the near future. I'm worried because, especially now, I'm going to be more tempted by stepsis because I know how she feels and she knows how I feel. I know that if I just asked her, we could be having sex, but I'm trying hard to not fall into that. Trust me, being a single guy in the situation is like Chinese water torture, lol. I want to pull my hair out sometimes. I feel like a witch has cursed me with blue balls. lol

 

Another thing I'm worried about is what our parents are going to say. I think they're going to freak out. I don't know. I'll let you guys know what happens. Probably write back in a few days.

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SincereOnlineGuy

Geez, I am starting to adore your step-sister too!

 

Once confronted, she had the good instincts to show her vulnerability, and in this latest chapter (walking at the park) she continued to bravely offer more vulnerability right in front of you.

 

THAT is a trait that anybody should desire in a partner. It's OK for each of you to state how you feel, regardless of just how that might be.

 

I hope that IF that eventual conversation arrives where the two of you and both parents are together, and you need to introduce the idea that you and your step-sister are having romantic feelings for one another, that you will each BRAVELY show the honesty that your sister has been so impressive in sharing (once provoked). I hope, also, that your parents are as fair-minded in receiving the information as you have been upon calling your sister out.

 

Good luck to you always.

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Thanks, guys. Well, things have been going well, so far anyways. I know that some people may be disappointed, but stepsis and I haven't backed away from the physical stuff. We haven't had sex or anything but we have kissed. SS has been more open about her feelings in saying that she wants to be with me. I'm conflicted because I think part of me wants to be with her but I pretty afraid of telling our parents what has happened so far.

 

Nothing leads me to think our parents will freak out and go berserker or anything but I'm still afraid. I've been playing the conversation in my head a million times already about how I'm going to approach telling my dad. I think I've got it worked out. I'm planning on telling him this weekend. My stepmom and stepsis are going to a party my stepmom's friend is throwing so I figure I should tell my dad then.

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Thanks, guys. Well, things have been going well, so far anyways. I know that some people may be disappointed, but stepsis and I haven't backed away from the physical stuff. We haven't had sex or anything but we have kissed. SS has been more open about her feelings in saying that she wants to be with me. I'm conflicted because I think part of me wants to be with her but I pretty afraid of telling our parents what has happened so far.

 

Nothing leads me to think our parents will freak out and go berserker or anything but I'm still afraid. I've been playing the conversation in my head a million times already about how I'm going to approach telling my dad. I think I've got it worked out. I'm planning on telling him this weekend. My stepmom and stepsis are going to a party my stepmom's friend is throwing so I figure I should tell my dad then.

 

I definitely think it's wise you speak with your parents first before you do anything drastic like having sex. In your situation, this does not only concern just you and your sister, but also the entire balance of your family. I would definitely tread lightly since the subject you're about to broach with your dad isn't all that common by society's standards.

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