Sarah12385 Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 hello. i'm in great need of advice on this subject, because i can't take my parents lol okay here's my situation: i'm 18 years old (19 in January lol), and about 3 weeks ago, i was supposed to go on a trip to Pocono, PA (i live in Pittsburgh, PA which is about 6 hours from Pocono) to see a Nascar race with my boyfriend. i put up a fight with my parents for about a week, because they didn't want me going with just my boyfriend (it was an over night thing) but my boyfriend and i are NOT sexually active nor plan to be. we've been dating for only a month, and things just aren't like that between us. i eneded up not going. it was just too much of a hassle, so i stayed home. now may i just say, i am not a bad kid. i mean, i'm not a very...hmm, i don't know the word, but like, i've never gotten drunk, had sex, done or even SEEN a drug before, you know? and my parents know they can trust me (however i'm an only child, and adopted *sigh*). and all my friends this summer went on road trips, senior trips to Florida, blah blah blah, with guys AND girls. now, my boyfriend asked me to go to Hershey, PA with him in 2 weeks. he said he just wanted to get away for a couple days, but wanted my company. he and i both get along great, and we both have hard work schedules to work around, so i was just extatic when he asked me to come with him. now, i told my mum that i really wanted to go, and that yes, we'd be staying in a motel for one night, but he (my bf) said he would gladly stay in a seperate room so that my parents wouldn't worry (altough i dunno if he WOULD...heh....i know that's sneaky but...anyways). but like i said, even if we slept in the same bed, i mean, yeah okay, there might be some messin around, but, def. not sex. he and i both know we don't want that. all my other friends have gone away on trips w/thier bfs, and for more than just one night. i never get to really *do* anything, and i feel like a mama's girl. i hate it. what i am asking for, is just for some advice on how to talk to my parents about this, and how badly i just want this one weekend. they know what a nice good-hearted guy my bf is, but my mother says "that's asking for trouble", when i tell her i wanna go... someone, please help me. i'll send money lol Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 You won't like me for this - but I'm siding w/ your mom on this one. It IS asking for trouble. Is there another couple or some other friends who can go along? Then the girls can have a room and the boys can have a room. I know that doesn't guarantee no messing around, but if you all make a committment you can help each other stick to it. I *might* be pursuaded to let my daughter go under those circumstances - depending on the whole group that is going. Too bad your parents can't go too and stay nearby - you wouldn't have to do anything with them while you are there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted August 5, 2003 Author Share Posted August 5, 2003 well my friend Diana and her boyfriend were going to come, but they were going to Ohio for their *own* little get away. lol i just wanna gooooo i'm 18..not 13. i'm a big girl, and fine myself to be pretty responsible. i know sex wouldn't be involved. i mean, if i was going far away, okay i would understand. but it's only about 3 hours away if that. not even that *far*... :( this sucks so bad Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenWonder Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 Are you going away to university or anything in the autumn? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmyboys Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 I agree with your mom...don't ask for trouble. You could in all good intentions say you won't have sex, won't drink, and on and on, but sometimes things just happen. Especially if you think you can share a bed with a man and he's going to be content with "messin' around"? I don't think so; you're really asking for trouble there. You've only been dating this guy for a month and I don't blame your mom for worrying, I'd worry too if my daughter was going away with a guy that is really not been around that much. Even though you're 18 and legal, I sense a bit of naivity and I'd sure hate to see you wind up pregnant or a STD from one weekend of just wanting to get away. You sound like a very sweet girl who just wants to go along with the crowd, and that's understandable, but listen to your mom, they usually know best. Your best bet is like the previous poster said about going with a group so it isn't so one on one. After all, how well do you really know this guy after only four weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 I wasn't allowed to go on overnight trips with my boyfriend until I officially moved out of my parents house (and this did not mean going away for college, since they were still my legal address.) Even when I was away at college, if I came home for summers or weekends or vacations, they would not allow it since I was under their roof. (And this is a guy I dated for four years--my parents knew his parents and everything.) Guess what? I'm still alive. All you can do is deal with it until you save up the cash to get a place of your own. At that point you can do whatever you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted August 6, 2003 Author Share Posted August 6, 2003 heh i believe i forgot to mention a small detail hehe this guy, i've known him for about 6 years. he's been the "boy next door", literally. he moved out about 3 years ago and got his own place. his mum and i are still really close. and this is terrible, and i'm ashamed i'm admitting this, but i spent the night at his house a few weeks ago, and told my parents i was somewhere else. you know what we did? we rented a movie, made some popcorn, went to sleep around midnight. yeah, we messed around a bit, we both stopped things, we knew when enough was enough. we turned out the lights, and fell asleep. he's like my best friend. my parents have both known him for years. my dad used to tutor him in math when he was younger. he's just the best all-around person...he's a volunteer fireman, plus he works 2 jobs. he's just, a great guy. i mean, i've had my share of problems with him, don't get me wrong, but i know nothing will happen. i know i know, nothing is for certain, but, i have my morales, and i am *not* naive. and i'm not the type of person to be the "follower". and i'm not. i just think this would be something i'd really enjoy, and i just wish i could go..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted August 6, 2003 Author Share Posted August 6, 2003 and also, i know my mum just loves me and is looking out for me, and i appreicate that and understand that, but...i dunno. *sigh* i'm not a selfish person, i never ask her for much, ever. so i was really confident that she'd let me go... Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Well you are 18 so if you wanted to have sex its your choice because its legal, so screw everybody. In my own life I think its probably a good idea to take your time and get to know the person before you have sex, but if you feel your ready then go for it. Just know if you are not ready then don't stay over night with him because he is going to want sex. Also, I know that volunteer firefighter type guy that preys on younger woman. Thats pretty lame but I don't know your situation exactly, it could be different, he could be a really good guy that cares about you. I generally think most guys are pretty simple. They are just looking to find a nice girl to spend the rest of their days with and to care about. Its sounds like there are alot of haters (to speak colloquially) on this site, who would try and make this guy look like bad news when he could very well be loyal and have a pure soul. At the same time these disparager types will flock to these bad boy player types that act like macho a**h***s and hurt every girl they get involved with. Its a crock of crap to put it nicely. Also, I don't think that when your are 18 your parents own you but I see alot of people here think that way and I guess most parents think that way. It is really a method of control. Our society is so controlling it is no wonder it is so screwed up and people do so many things to spite the system. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted August 6, 2003 Author Share Posted August 6, 2003 thank you i agree with all repliers however. i mean yes, i'm 18, i'm "legal" in most situations, and if i wanted to have sex, i would. but i don't. and i *know* he doesn't either. well, i mean he DOES, but he won't. he knows i'm not ready, and he respects me enough to not do that. i'm not worried at all. Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Honestly, with us guys wanting to have sex it is not such a mental thing, its highly physiological, when we get excited we go up and we need something or someone to put us down (to word it in a nice way), whether that be sex or masturbation. Don't put yourself in a bad situation or put your bf in a bad situation by getting him aroused and then refusing to to go all the way with him. I had a girlfriend that teased me like that and it really becomes a humiliating/resentful situation after a while. Anyway, from the way you talk you really sound child-like to me and I don't really even think you are ready for men. Perhaps, you are just using this relationship as a way of getting attention from your parents. Remember there is plenty of time for you to grow up, now you need to be focused on preparing for college. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 not letting you go b/c of sex is silly - if you wanted to, you can do it anywhere, anytime you two are alone. but, i know my folks wouldn't let me go either, if the relationship was just a month old. if it's a long-term bf (like, at least half-a-year), then they would. so what your parents are doing sounds normal to me. just wait until you move out to be your own boss... and explain to your bf that for as long as you're living w/ your parents, you have to follow their rules, and so as much as u'd like to come, u can't; but if he wants to stay around your town and simply spend a looot of time together, that's grrrreat! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Jonna Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 Don't parents suck! My mom still has power trips on me and my boyfriend and we've been dating for three years. It's like they're trying to protect us and they're doing it out of love, but at some point they gotta let go. Ad my mom unfortunatley has not done that yet. How old are you? Your parents are probably going to need to get used to the fact that you have a boy friend now and are gunna wanna do things like this. You gotta sit down and have a talk with them so that you guys both understand eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 I agree with everyone else. Even though you've known the boy for 6 years, this is a different relationship now. It's romantic, and it's only been that was for a month. If the both of you don't want to have sex, it would be wise if you don't put yourself in a position where that can happen...which is staying overnight. Alot of people have good intentions of not letting it go far, but those desire are strong and grow stronger the more you mess around. Sooner or later, you're going to want more. I know you're 18 and you're of legal age, but on this matter, trust your parents. They've been around longer than you have, they understand the game, and they don't want you to get played. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted August 9, 2003 Author Share Posted August 9, 2003 thanks guys... and to superd, how dare you call me child-like. you do *not* know me or the kind of person i am. i was posting to get advice, not a rude comment from you. i am 18 years old and i think mature for my age, which my parents know, and is why i thought they'd consider letting me go. i could take care of myself right now if i wanted to. do not call me child-like. and i'm just using this relationship to get *attention* from my parents? excuse me but my relationships are between me and my boyfriend, not my parents. yes, they know i am with him, but in no way do i need attention from them. and i am prepared for college 100%, i took care of that a while ago. and also, i don't appreciate you telling me i am not *ready* for men. yes, this is my first older relationship with a guy, but there's a first for everything. i've had numerous boyfriends, and not once have i ever had sex, so in a way, yes, sexually i may not be ready for men, but that's my own personal business, and i'm sorry, but i took offense to the bottom of your post superd. Link to post Share on other sites
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