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How do you handle this?


liftedcj7on44s

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liftedcj7on44s

Ok I will try my best to make a long story short.

When I was 3 1/2 I was put up for adoption. I always knew my birth parents' real name and I knew I had a Sister but that was all i know.

 

Fast forward 25 year's. My adoptive father get's a letter in the mail. Apparently my sister knew about me and had been trying to find me. Well 3 days ago we finally got in contact with each other. We have been texting each other back and forth for 3 days straight. She doesnt want to talk on the phone. From what I can tell she is happy that we are connected but she is afraid to open up.

 

i dont want to ruin this opportunity, so what kind of things should I be watching out for and how can i make her more comfortable to opening up to me?

 

Also, My sister was also placed up for adoption when she was 4 which is something I did not know until 3 days ago. She is 2 years younger than me, I am 28 and she is 26.

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Maybe just let things develop slowly? Did she have a positive experience with her adoptive family? If she did not have a positive experience whilst you have she could take time to adjust to a warm family. I am sure you recognise this already but I wouldnt downplay anything to any extreme because you need to be comfortable too. Maybe for a first meet up you could choose somewhere fun to meet and have a very structured day before meeting any other family members?

 

I know the Salvation Army helps to find relatives, maybe they could give more detailed advice at this time?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

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Right now you are strangers to each other but share a basic and intimate connection, so its confusing. I understand you dont want to lose this opportunity. She may be feeling the same way but is hesitant that meeting or even talking will end up with disappointment or confusion for one or both of you. And thats valid.

 

Let it happen naturally. Work not toward becoming brother/sister or even friends but toward not being strangers. Send texts if thats what she does, but also send an email once in awhile describing yourself and your life with more detail, send a few pics.

 

When you are not a stranger, perhaps she will be comfortable with more.

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liftedcj7on44s

From what she has told me she seems to have a very positive relationship with her adopted parents where I dont.

 

We have really just been texting each other. I am almost afraid of this honestly. I have a lot of problems into my life And I am afraid that if she is involved in my life it will just hurt her.

 

Basically everyone in my life has pretty much abandoned me including my adopted parents, I don't want her to abandon me either, So maybe it's best if we keep contact to a minimal???

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Its possible she feels she is not being loyal to her adoptive family, its possible that she does not yet feel up to the responsibility of entering your life, its possible that she feels you may need more from her than she has to give.

 

Yes, keep it light. Ask her at some point if you can have her email address just so that once in a while you can say hello.

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liftedcj7on44s

we already have each others email address'. Right now we have been contacting each other daily through text and we have each others facebook accounts so we can also keep contact there as well.

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From what she has told me she seems to have a very positive relationship with her adopted parents where I dont.

 

We have really just been texting each other. I am almost afraid of this honestly. I have a lot of problems into my life And I am afraid that if she is involved in my life it will just hurt her.

 

Basically everyone in my life has pretty much abandoned me including my adopted parents, I don't want her to abandon me either, So maybe it's best if we keep contact to a minimal???

 

Make sure that you seek out help for yourself with regard to the issues you have with your past. Sometimes things like this have a way of pointing them out! I cant tell you to not be afraid sweety of what could or could not happen but certainly this could be an opportunity to dig a bit deeper and make a new way for yourself in one way or another.

 

Maybe one day you will be able to share this journey of yours with her but for now I agree with 2sure and would keep things light and .. funny! Be the person you want to be with her, less the baggage, but consider that you may need to be truthful about your past at some point.

 

Hope it works out.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

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liftedcj7on44s

Well she already knows about the situation with my wife and my son from looking me up and reading about it here on LS. She seems to be very happy from what I can tell. We are meeting each other last weekend of this month.

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liftedcj7on44s

Im beginning to think that maybe this is a mistake. I am pretty much useless right now. She wants to meet the last weekend of this month but she has seemed to distance herself from me already and i dont feel that I am ready to meet her. I want to badly but she has her own life now and i dont have a life. What do I do. How do I tell her all this??

 

I want nothing more than to spend time with her and be a brother to her but I dont feel that is what she wants and I dont think that I am ready.

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