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Cheating Dad?


alwayswondering

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alwayswondering

I am 26, single, only child. My parents have always had an awful marriage, never speaking, seperate bedrooms, very loveless. No I love you's , no hugging, touching, affection whatsoever to each other or me. Very strict rules and conservative views, sex is just for reproduction kind of thing.

 

I am fully convinced that they have not had sex in several years, maybe over 10. I found several condoms in my father's travel bag, he goes on a lot of job related trips. I am certain they are not for my mother. I have also found several strange things on the computer such as unfamiliar e-mails and several screen names used by him. I also found pictures of another woman and her children. One child would be about the same age as when he lived out of the country for a year on business, 12 years ago.

 

This disturbs me, but I want him and my mother to be happy. He is home every night to take care of her and would never leave her. I know he has needs, I don;t think my mother has any sex drive. I want to find out more. I may have a sibling and really want to know and have the right to know about this. What should I do? Should I snoop more and keep it to myself, mention it to my mother (she is very dependant and I would have to take care of her should they divorce), or forget the whole thing. My father and I are not close so there is no way I can confront him. Help !!!!?????

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Although it is YOUR parents, it is THEIR marriage.

 

If your mother and father have an agreement between them, they may be embarrassed if you knew about it. The best way for them to save face is probably for you to keep quiet about it.

 

And if your mother doesn't know, she's not only unsexual, but inhumane. People need and want sex in their life. She can't be that ignorant to the situation.

 

What could you hope to achieve? Only kids usually have kids, I'm sure you'll make you own familiy one day and will not be alone.

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Sounds like a bad marriage. I wouldn't snoop. Just let it drop. Maybe talk to your parents about it? You can't control their lives and it isn't right for you to go through your father's stuff.

 

Sounds like your mom has some major issues. Separate bedrooms? That's not a marriage! She can't take care of herself? That shouldn't keep your father with her. If he is seeing another woman, the responsible thing for him to do is to leave her and end the loveless marriage.

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My best advice would be not to snoop any more and maybe this would be a good time to consider moving out on your own.

 

Many people stay together just for their kids - sounds like this is the case with your parents. I know a two couples myself in this sort of situation and the only way for the male/female to have any kind of passion in their life is if they seek it outside of the marriage. They stay because they made promises. It's admirable and sad at the same time.

 

 

Good Luck dear,

 

Bubbles

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My advice is to keep the information that you have to yourself. Your father's private life is his. Knowing what you know, can you really blame him for wanting to have sex outside the marriage? I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but it sounds like it's working for them. Your mother has evidently made the choice not to sleep with him, so like one of the other poster's said, she probably knows on some level that he's doing this. The fact that he's got condoms in a bag for trips sounds like maybe it's not just one long-term type of relationship but rather opportunities that he has when he's traveling to other towns to have sex. I'm glad he's using protection at least.

 

As far as the picture you found on the computer of the woman with a child, my guess is it's just someone he's met online who sent him a picture and she just happens to have a child. I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

I know this whole situation is probably pretty creepy to you, since this is your parents we're talking about, but it seems like you're old enough to understand it. I don't think there's anything for you to do about it. If it bothers you too much, I agree with the person who said you should try to get out and live on your own so you don't have to deal with it.

 

What is wrong with your mother that she can't take care of herself? Does she have health problems? If not, maybe you could help her by trying to talk to her tactfully about becoming more independent and self-sufficient. You didn't mention your parents' ages, but I can't imagine that your father wants to live this way the rest of his life.

 

Keep us posted.

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alwayswondering

I do live on my own and have for 4 years. My parents are 57 (father) and 54 (mother). My mother has not health problems, she is just very dependant on me. She has no friends because almost everyone she knows has a huge family with lots of children and relatives. She has very conservative views about life. I am very wild and she would die if she knew I drank, smoked, or had ever had sex. I think it is just the way she was raised. She is very critical and judgemental and likes to pry into my life and has very negative opinions about everything. Anybody ever watch Beverly Hills 90210? Donna's mother describes her. I love her to death and I know she wants the best for me and I would die if anything happened to her.

 

But as for my father and her, I completely understand what my father may be doing. I just want to know more. I guess I am nosy. I know it is none of my business, but being a girl, I have always felt that mom was right and he was wrong. Now, it seems I can identify more with him than her. I think knowing this will make me connect with him more, even though he will not know that I know. I want them to be happy but it is out of my hands now. I have my own issues to deal with from growing up in a house filled with hate and silence.

 

A friend of mine told me to steal his condoms and use them for myself. LOL, I don't think that is the right or mature thing to do, LOL

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My parents were very religious and conservative. Imagine their surprise when their 30 year old daughter announced that she was gay... That was 10 years ago, and guess what, they lived!

 

My original post to this site was, my g/f had just lost her mother after 2 continuous year of caring for a dying parent. She had lost 2 jobs, a long-term relationship, and almost her mind at times I think.

 

Our parents should love us and give us roots and wings. We should love our parents unconditionally, but I personally think there's a limit on how much care a parent should receive. Be careful that you don't give your life over to your mother in years down the road. Much of her life is in her control and based on her decisions. You didn't decide for her that she should have no friends, no fun, no life. She did. Just make sure you don't wind up paying for her decisions. You father isn't.

 

I give my parents tough love now. They get it "straight" from the horses's mouth! ;)

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