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Want kids bad!!


Jamie31

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I was recently married to the love of my life. I am so happy with him, we have been together for 4 years and married now for 2 weeks. I know we made the right decision and I couldn't be happier with him. We talked long before we got married about having kids. We both agreed that we definently want them one day. I have a year and a half left before I am out of nursing school. So I was talking to him last night, saying that I want to start trying for a baby in 2 yrs. He was saying that he wanted to wait about 3 1/2 years. I know this may not seem like a big deal....but he keeps saying he just wants to wait until "the time is right", but what if in 2 or 3 years, he still thinks the time is not right? I mean I know I will get plenty of job offers as soon as I graduate, so money will not be an issue. All I have ever dreamed of is being a mother and having m own beautiful family. Now that I have the husband I have always dreamed of, i want to be able to have the children I have always dreamed of after I get out of school. I am afraid that he will never think the time is right! Am I being irrational?

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If your relationship is as good as you say it is, it will be no problem to talk this over with your husband. Decisions like this have to be mutually decided upon by the interested parties. I sort of think this timing element should have been a part of your overall discussion about children.

 

Don't worry, kids have a way of appearing when you least expect them sometimes.

 

As for being rational, it is irrational to expect or demand any particular behavior from anybody.

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HokeyReligions

Patience is a virtue. If your parents didn't tell you that -- remember that when you have kids of your own!

 

Finish school and work for a year. Talk to your husband about all of this and don't think so far ahead.

 

Think how much better you will be able to handle the rigors of parenting when you have finished school and are settled into a job. I know it's hard to wait, but do it for the health of your marriage and for your future kids sake too.

 

As for that old statement "when the time is right" well, that's kind of a cop-out in a way. It could mean so many different things to each person. If everyone waited until "the time was right" there would be a LOT fewer people on the planet! But you can plan for kids. Sit down with your husband and plan it out. What does he mean when he says that? What does he want your lives to be like when you have kids?

 

Contact your area Planned Parenthood center and talk with them. You don't need your husband to go with you, but if you two can sit down and honestly make a plan it might be very helpful.

 

If your (or his) plan is strictly financial - it will never be right! Finances change. What if you have kids and then you both lose your job? That happens all the time and it's very scary - but that doesn't mean you should never have children. Having finished school and having a career path is what matters - not how much money you make. That was an issue with us which is why I brought it up -- your plan or fears may have nothing to do with money.

 

I went to school with a girl who decided she wouldn't have kids until they could buy their own home because she thought it was wrong to raise kids in an apartment. She felt they needed a yard and a house because that's how she was raised. She was 32 when she realized that a house just wasn't going to happen for them and they decided to have a baby then. She wished she'd realized it earlier so she could have had more kids. She only thought she had a plan.

 

Talk WITH your husband but don't talk at him and call Planned Parenthood.

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Definitely don't start pressuring him about it now or over-talking the issue. You just got married, for heaven's sake. Just enjoy the moment and worry about getting out of school, etc. Give him time to absorb everything. He may even come to YOU some day and say, "Honey, I think we're ready to start a family." But not if you talk about it constantly and pressure him. Just give it time and bring it up after you're out of school and working. Show him that things will work out fine before making an issue out of it. Make him the center of your attention before you try to bring in someone else who will be taking away a lot of that attention.

 

Good luck!

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