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In_laws Problems


pinky123

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I got married 2 years back and from then I am experiencing problems from my in-laws. My husband is too much attached to his family and he has a time table for calling and talking to his family. He calls his sisters once in a week and if doesn't do that his mother questions him. But his sister doesn't even bother to call him back. And whenever he calls his sister she complaints about her husband and talks too much about her kids and never care to ask him about his well being. My husband is ready to do any kind of help to his sister(financially) and even he gave a big amount of money to his sister without even caring to ask my opinion. My mother in-law always says sweet words to my husband and then slowly starts demanding money for new car and for constructing building. I am too mad about my husband calling his sister. What should I do? My husband says that it happens in every family. Is that right?

Thanks for reading.

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Sounds like your husband's self-image includes taking care of his family members... so he cannot just give up on his take-but-not-give sister or mother because that would be changing who he feels he is.

 

I would let him contact his family members as he does, but put my foot down about making unilateral decisions when it comes to financial matters that affect both of you... so tell him where you draw the line.

 

I do think you need to let him continue with the personal communication though... it's nice to know your husband is capable of love, giving, and empathy, isn't it?

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I got married 2 years back and from then I am experiencing problems from my in-laws. My husband is too much attached to his family and he has a time table for calling and talking to his family. He calls his sisters once in a week and if doesn't do that his mother questions him. But his sister doesn't even bother to call him back. And whenever he calls his sister she complaints about her husband and talks too much about her kids and never care to ask him about his well being. My husband is ready to do any kind of help to his sister(financially) and even he gave a big amount of money to his sister without even caring to ask my opinion. My mother in-law always says sweet words to my husband and then slowly starts demanding money for new car and for constructing building. I am too mad about my husband calling his sister. What should I do? My husband says that it happens in every family. Is that right?

Thanks for reading.

 

no, it doesnt. not in any family i know thats for sure.

when it comes to his calling them theres not much you can do but like above poster says, the money issue is totally not fair. your money belongs to you and your husband and its out of order for him not to consult you.

actually, its out of order that they expect money off him at all IMO.

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Let's not focus too much on the calls. Obviously, your mother-in-law is out of line to insist that your husband make them on a weekly basis, but if he chooses to do so, don't pester him about it.

 

The money is an entirely different question. I can't believe you've been tolerating this. Decisions that involve significant amounts of money should always be made jointly - ALWAYS. You MUST let your husband know that this cannot continue. Have a discussion about how the two of you will handle money in the future, and make a plan you both can live with. If you want to say that each person has a pre-determined amount of money per week or month to spend or give without discussion, that's one way to do it. If you want to say that gifts of any size are always discussed, that's another. The important thing is that you are both comfortable with the plan, and that it applies equally to both of you.

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Sounds like your mother in law has your husband to think he is financially responsible for his sister, and for her. There seems to be a little overstepping you and along with that is disrespect. But your husband doesn't notice it, because he's used to their actions.

 

Maybe you can assure your husband that he (or "we" the two of you together) is not responsible for taking care of them financially, reassure him that they can take care of themselves just fine. The sister's married right? She has a husband of her own that can help her with cash :) Same for mommy.

 

But the phone calls, My mom calls me asking if i've kept in touch with my brothers lately.. and yeah as siblings I talk to my brothers on the phone about once a week or so. They're both married, we all have kids, and we catch up on what's going on with our families. Sometimes my oldest brother will confide in me about his wife. Better his sister than some woman right? ;)

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