4givrnt4gtr Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I had a very distressing situation today that kinda added to my already depressed state due to a break up i didnt want. Quick background story, my dad sent me and my mother to another country when I was 10 years old because he had another woman and she just had a baby. Our city is small so he didnt want us around for when the kid came along so he sent us away on false pretenses that later became very clear for all of us. I didnt see my dad from then til I was about 18. He then came for my high school graduation and I thought he would stay for good, but ofcourse he didnt. He had other plans and 6 months later he went back to our home country. Needless to say I was devasted and felt really stupid for believing that maybe he wasnt the a@@hole we all thought he was and our family had a chance to be rebuilt. Anyway, ever since then he has been back and forth, 6 months here, 6 months there. It has caused great instability for all of us, especially because although he told my mom it was over between them, he still lived with her when he came. Well, Ive struggled with the issue, especially because I really felt the abandonment mixed with the false hopes and lies he says regarding someday staying for good etc. It came to the point where now, at 25 I decided I wanted nothing to do with him. Id be cordial but nothing more. However, its almost impossible as when he is here its like my mom and dad are still together and we're all a happy family. It hurts like hell to see this and know that its all a lie, that we're nothing but broken and so very confused. Anyway, right now my mom and dad are not living together as my brother got sick of it and asked my mom to move in with him and his baby. My dad is living in a city near me. He called me last night asking me if he could have breakfast with me. I reluctantly agreed. This morning he came bearing all kinds of groceries, fruits, even wine. We made breakfast, talked, hanged out til like midday. Afterwards he asked me to lead him to a bank cuz he needed to withdraw money. I took him and he asked me to wait for him. He then came out and gave $60 for no good reason. I couldnt help but thinking why? why now? where were you when I needed you? when I was 14 and had to take my brother for a father/daughter dance? when I really needed you, where the f*ck where you??? And whats more what are you doing now? why are u acting all dad like when in 3 months you're gonna leave again??? It doesnt help that the guy i just broke up with was doing the exact same thing. Acting all loving and sweet when he needed me but all along had plans to leave me when he didnt need me anymore. Im just so so tired to be treated like a f*cking hotel. People come in and out of my life as they like without giving me a second thought. Im so so furious right now. I just dont know how to deal with my dad though. Ive tried to put distance but he always says that we're his kids regardless of what we say. But its so not fair. Today reminded me of all the hopes i had when he first came to then have them all crushed down when he said he was gonna leave again. I dont know how to deal with so much rejection and mixed messages from everyone anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
delicaterose Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Your problem is quite difficult, seeing as you have been let down by someone who should've been a role model to you. He has clearly not been treating you like a father should be treating his child. He was not with you at the times you needed him most and you need to let him know that. You need to sit him down and talk to him, maybe even show anger to let him know that you've been deeply hurt by his actions. As long as you keep your emotions bottled up you will not find peace, he needs to get the fact that he hasn't been fair with you or your mother. He kicked you out of your home town so he could live his life with another woman, that on its own, is so ridiculous and selfish of him. What does your mother say about all this? Why didn't she put her foot down and demand a divorce or give him an ultimatum? Talk to your folks about this and see what their replies are, and remember no one's life is perfect, if it'll make you feel better, I'm in the same sh*t hole you are! good luck and let me know how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
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