First Time Here...Problem with Mom

[TigerButterfly]

First off I am new here so hello! and thank you for having me here. Secondly when I say issue with my mom just know that I am not a teen who who hates my mom for grounding me or something like that. I am 28 years old and have a very serious issue so here it goes....

 

First off my mom has been a meth/crack user since I was about 5 years old. If any of you know whats it like to grow up in a crack house you will know how hard it is. The house was filthy. I was made fun of at school for smelling bad and stuff. We had several cats all the time and they would die from disease because of the living condition.There was always people at the house all hours of the night.Never any food etc... My mom would withdrawl from drugs alot and she wouldn't get outta bed for DAYS. So I would have to feed and take care of myself at a very young age. I once had to call 911 on her at age 6 because she had a seizure and stopped breathing. I could honestly go on and on about all the things I went through with her as a kid but I won't. I will get to my point.

 

I 28 years old now. I have 2 girls. Ages 5 and 3. My mom is still a drug addict today so I tend to keep my daughters away from her to protect them. I don't want them to see what I saw you know? So farI have done things in a way to were she gets to see them but its not a normal grandparent relationship. For example I don't leave them alone with her. There was a couple times I visited her at her place on this horse ranch and she asked if the older one and her could go see the horses. I said fine and my daughter ended up getting bit because my mom wasn't watching her. So now she NEVER alone with them. She always asks my why but I try to dodge it. My mom also tends to criticize me...alot! The things she goes on about are stupid too. Its her drug-addicted paranoia. For example when the swine flu was going on a few months back. She emailed me and said I must pull my child out of school even though there was no cases in our area. I told her no and she would call me a horrible mom and say I was gonna kill my kid. WTF!! She always does that to me. She would say I am killing my child for getting them vaccinated(even though I was vaccinated),sending them to school and even feeding them green beans. Its VERY hard for me to keep my mouth shut because I do the best I can for my kids. I work,they go a nice school,they have all the things they need and I love them and encourage them all the time. I know I do a great job so its very hard to hear someone who is addicted to drugs and who has no job try to tell ME how to parent?? WTF!! It makes me angry and I blew up at her...

 

A week and a half ago my mom emailed me at work and said that she has a chance to get a horse for my daughter. She said that she would take care of it if I paid 100 dollars a month. I told her no because my daughter is too young to ride a horse let alone have her own and plus I really can't afford to be spending that kinda money right now because I have bills to pay off. She emailed back saying some crazy stuff about being a good mother when I was a kid (yeah right!) and how she feels sorry for my daughter. I lost it. I went off and defended myself against her BS and told her to quit harassing me at work. Well of course she fired back at me and brought up things in my life that are very hurtful and have nothing to do with her but she brought them up just so she could cut me deep. Thats how she operates. She manipulates,blames everyone for everything wrong in her life and gets joy outta hurting people. She has done that to me and her whole family...

 

I am sorry this is so long but I am at the end of my rope. I have been manipulated and criticized enough. I really wanna never talk to her again and I am totally serious. But she is my mom so I feel bad but I cannot put up with her crap anymore. She is just so hurtful and manipulative. She has 8 brothers and sisters and EVERY single one cannot stand her and have turned their backs on her too. I am the last one...

 

Am I wrong for not wanting her to be a part of my life anymore??

[2sure]

Nope. You are under no obligations here.

 

If you want you can tell her straight up: My kids can see you, when you are in good shape, but only with me to supervise. My own past experience in dealing with you and your problem shows me that you cannot be trusted with my children. You can be someone we visit, but you are not an influence on my life or theirs. And thats OK, because we dont need you. You are optional because thats all you can be counted on to be. And thats all fine and well, unless you cannot come to terms with that. No more advice, no more one on one involvement. This is not a team you are a part of. In fact, we need not have this discussion ever again.