im at the end of my rope

[Patty]

I dont know what to do anymore.Im at the end of my rope.My mother yelled at me like she never has and Im real hurt by it.I yelled right back and yold her you better not yell at me like that again.Then shje was like get lost attitude toward me ,then I yelled out at the top of my lungs ,I should just kill myself.We were arguing over money issues.After I just lost it and she kept yelling at me and wouldnt stop.I try to explain myself to her and she wont let me .She thinks Im the one thats always wrong.Im tired of this.Im ready to run away. I also yelled out I suck to her.Cause Im really hurt by her.She never appologizes but I always appologize to her.Now I feel so awful.She doesnt let me talk about my feelings so I hold it all then .I just exploded and yelled back at her and said if your going to yell, Ill yell too.I feel like taking my whole bottle of medicine and just taking all the pills together.I left a note in my room.

 

It says:

 

I'll find a way out.Look on the bright side suicide.No matter what I do Im wrong so Im going to go leave this earth.Im a pain.you'll have a better life without me.It's for the better.

 

I just left it on my mirror hoping she goes in to see the letter.cause im hurt what she did ,so it led me to write the letter.cant take it anymore.

 

Patty

[today]

I feel co-miserable with you. Yet, I may not even imagine how hurt and aching your heart might be now. I wonder what you're thinking now. . . . I hope, though, you do not mess it around without much reasonable thinking just because you're hurt.

 

 

You said you're really hurt by your mom. How about your mom? I am wondering if your mom might have been hurt by you as well. I do agree with the saying that the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. I feel you love your mom a lot. I guess you hope your mom will regret what she did to you and be sorry for you and start showing her love to you again.

 

 

Think this. You're smart and brave enough to get straight with this. It's not late as you know. Your rope is elastic. Once the other end is pulled, your end will hit it back again. Do first whichever seems easier to you (I hope you can do both): forgive her or forget what happened today.

[Patty]

I'll try my best to forget what happened.Yes she has told me the things ive done wrong in the past.Its just emotianal scars that remain.Ill forgive her but I dont want to be in the same room with her cause im adfraid we will end up arguing again.But yes I forgive her.

 

Patty

[Ally Boo]

We always think of how much pain our families have caused us...but we NEVER think of the hurt they have inside too. It sounds like BOTH of you should be in counseling together.

[butterflyz]

putting the note up in your room will get you attention from her, but it won't solve anything.

 

you guys have a dysfunctional way of communicating that is leaving you both frustrated. a counselor could help you both develop a communication system that would alleviate the anger and frustration you are experiencing now.

 

you may never do anything right in her eyes, that's her way of controlling you. try a new approach: the next time she criticizes you, just say "that's your opinion" and walk away. every time she yells at you, walk away. soon she'll realize that she'll never get a chance to talk to you unless she's nice to you.

 

i used to get into big yelling matches with my first husband (less with the second one). i've gotten to the point in life that i don't even respond, i shut down. then they realize that they are yelling at themselves. it may not be the best thing for me, but i don't have the energy anymore in my life to fight people. you want to yell, fine. you want to call me names, fine. but i won't respond. then they realize they look stupid.

 

moving out is an option. this way you'll have your own place without having the noise of her yapping at you.

 

you have nothing to lose by going to counseling.

[Paul]

Patty,

 

I'm sorry for the late response, but I'm just now catching up on posts for the last week.

 

Originally posted by Patty

I should just kill myself.

 

Suicide is not the answer, and this is not the place for you to find help. We are not qualified nor can we be available at a moment's notice. Stop what you're doing right now and get help. Talk to your primary care physician, a teacher, a counselor, a therapist, or call your local crisis number. If you can't find one in the phone book, just call your emergency number and let them know you've been having thoughts of committing suicide.

 

This is giant waving red-flag that you need help tackling these life issues. There are professionals who are trained to help you through this confidentially and who will help you find the resources you need. It's out there waiting for you.

 

Don't wait, don't put it off. You don't want to make a spur-of-the moment decision to end your life the next time things seem down.

 

Best wishes,

Paul

[HokeyReligions]

Many moons ago when I was young, my mother and I had such horrible screaming matches! It was always something. She dragged me into child guidance counseling when I was in grade school (didn't do any good) and then kept me going to school guidance counselors when I was in Jr. High & High School. Didn't do any good. I had some pretty serious thoughts of suicide too and threatened it. It doesn't work either - give up on it now because you will only put a suicide thought in your head and you don't want it there if you get really depressed. Suicide is NOT the answer.

 

Way back when, depression was not diagnosed properly, or much known about it. It was part of that horibble "mental illness" shroud of shame.

 

We muddled through and yelled and screamed and fought and cried. As I got older and other problems set in, the fighting lessened. 20 years after I graduated high school my mother was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Severe, chronic, depression.

 

Have you and your mother been to see a doctor? Maybe there is some medical reasons that trigger such behavior. A doctor visit and counseling sure sounds like the way to go.

 

What changed in my home is one year when we were going on vacation. It was the year after my dad died and vacation meant an 8 hour drive to stay with relatives for a week. We did this every year. And every single year we would start fighting two days before we were to leave. Mom would threaten to not go and threaten other things so that I would back down (in tears) and go. Then THAT year happened. We fought, she threatened, we fought right up until going to bed the night before. The next morning I did not get ready to go. I got up like it was any other day and didn't say a word about going. We fought some more and she ended up crying and we finally talked and we went the next day. We didn't fight so much after that. I didn't let her totally control me, or rather I did let her have some control but on my terms.

 

I wish you well with this - I well know the torment and desperation you feel. But PLEASE do NOT hurt or kill yourself. This will pass and your life won't always be like this. I PROMISE.

[Bill]

Your life could change drastically any day. You could meet someone that you'd never dreamed possible. All this could happen. The worries you go through now could be washed away.

 

I sometimes think that no one would care if I die. I am however waiting for my chance, my chance of happiness. If all goes well, in 1.5 years I will have it.

 

Find your happiness. Don't give up.