Help!

[Joe]

I'm f**king sick of this crap, my parent's hate each other and I'm tired of it. I'm 21, but because of low pay at my work place I still live with them. But my parents literally hate each other, I don't understand why they're together.

 

My dad is a drunk a**h*** that cares only about himself, seriously he gets pissed off if something doesn't revolve around him. Every single night he plays the stereo in the garage as loud as it can possibly get and sits on the front porch drinking beer until he's drunk.

 

My dad comes in from there and sits in the living room till god know's when watching porn causing problems for me cause whenever I pass through to get something from the kitchen he gets offended because I "ruin" what I believe is to be "fun time" for him and he gets pissed off saying ridiculous crap to me such as "you're the only 21 year old I know that needs a light on to go to the kitchen.. you're a retard.. quit acting retarded".

 

We have company over, my dad can't pull himself away from his loud music and drinking.. had a long distant cousin come over and my dad still whipped out the beer and turned on the loud music.

 

My mom can't stand him drinking, she can't stand the loud music so she's always ripping into him like never before. She constantly wishes he was dead, literally saying so, she can't stand him.

 

My dad looks for reasons to b***h and uses my mom's smoking. She has even gone so far as to sit at the backdoor with it open with the attic fan on, or she goes totally outside, to smoke because of him and he still comes into the house ripping into her saying his lungs hurt because of her smoking and he literally just yells and gripes about the smell of smoke.

 

That then causes my mom to rip into my dad about drinking, and here I am trying to explain to them that either way they're both bad for you. My mom gripes about "beer breath" when my dad yells about smoking.

 

My parent's don't do anything together except go out to eat on the weekend and the occasional wal-mart trip. They never go out to movies, they never do anything at all together. It's like they're just married, other than that there is nothing. It's obvious they don't love each other.

 

My mom does nothing, my dad works. My dad just sits outside, listens to loud music and gets drunk while my mom yells about not being able to sleep at 8:00 PM because of the loud music and that causes them to fight.

 

My parents do absolutly nothing at all. My parents aren't the type you sit down to talk to, they simply aren't that type. My dad is too caught up in himself to even listen to anyone else, my dad honestly believes that what he does is ok and b**ches about us interffering with his life and hobby.

 

I try explaining to him that I don't care if his hobby is to listen to music, but I shouldn't have to hear his hobby and he should be respectful of that and not play music so loud you can hear it a block away. But he doesn't care.

 

Seriously, I cannot talk to them.. they will not listen and they do absolutley nothing to try to work anything out. My mom obviously doesn't understand that my dad is depressed. His dad, my grandpa, died a few months ago, he's married to someone that constantly rips into him (but he does the same to her), married to someone taht never does or goes anywhere with him.

 

I think he feels unloved and he wants someone to love him, but my mom obviously doesn't love him because the way he is and my dad can't accept the fact that my mom doesn't want to be social and go places.

 

My parent's are abnormal, they're insane and they're stupid for acting the way they do. Any advice, please I am willing to do anything at this point.

 

My mom is such a freak that she threatens my dad that if he leaves she will drag his name through the dirt and that she will kill herself and all this other crap. She even said that if he leaves her that she will sue him for everything that he's worth.. and sad thing is she'd probably get it.

 

My mom lives such a sheltered life and I think that hurts my dad. She never wants to go out, she never wants to do anything, and it's so hard to get her to leave the house. She hasn't had a job in at least 24 years and she milks it for all it's worth.

 

I'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bill]

Joe, find a new job and move out. The reality of the situation... They are not going to change because of you. Yes, it may seem hard to get a job. Did you go to college? You need a change of location!!! Or... try to live with a relative or a friend.

I'm f**king sick of this crap, my parent's hate each other and I'm tired of it. I'm 21, but because of low pay at my work place I still live with them. But my parents literally hate each other, I don't understand why they're together.

 

My dad is a drunk a**h*** that cares only about himself, seriously he gets pissed off if something doesn't revolve around him. Every single night he plays the stereo in the garage as loud as it can possibly get and sits on the front porch drinking beer until he's drunk. My dad comes in from there and sits in the living room till god know's when watching porn causing problems for me cause whenever I pass through to get something from the kitchen he gets offended because I "ruin" what I believe is to be "fun time" for him and he gets pissed off saying ridiculous crap to me such as "you're the only 21 year old I know that needs a light on to go to the kitchen.. you're a retard.. quit acting retarded". We have company over, my dad can't pull himself away from his loud music and drinking.. had a long distant cousin come over and my dad still whipped out the beer and turned on the loud music.

 

My mom can't stand him drinking, she can't stand the loud music so she's always ripping into him like never before. She constantly wishes he was dead, literally saying so, she can't stand him. My dad looks for reasons to b***h and uses my mom's smoking. She has even gone so far as to sit at the backdoor with it open with the attic fan on, or she goes totally outside, to smoke because of him and he still comes into the house ripping into her saying his lungs hurt because of her smoking and he literally just yells and gripes about the smell of smoke. That then causes my mom to rip into my dad about drinking, and here I am trying to explain to them that either way they're both bad for you. My mom gripes about "beer breath" when my dad yells about smoking. My parent's don't do anything together except go out to eat on the weekend and the occasional wal-mart trip. They never go out to movies, they never do anything at all together. It's like they're just married, other than that there is nothing. It's obvious they don't love each other. My mom does nothing, my dad works. My dad just sits outside, listens to loud music and gets drunk while my mom yells about not being able to sleep at 8:00 PM because of the loud music and that causes them to fight. My parents do absolutly nothing at all. My parents aren't the type you sit down to talk to, they simply aren't that type. My dad is too caught up in himself to even listen to anyone else, my dad honestly believes that what he does is ok and b**ches about us interffering with his life and hobby. I try explaining to him that I don't care if his hobby is to listen to music, but I shouldn't have to hear his hobby and he should be respectful of that and not play music so loud you can hear it a block away. But he doesn't care. Seriously, I cannot talk to them.. they will not listen and they do absolutley nothing to try to work anything out. My mom obviously doesn't understand that my dad is depressed. His dad, my grandpa, died a few months ago, he's married to someone that constantly rips into him (but he does the same to her), married to someone taht never does or goes anywhere with him. I think he feels unloved and he wants someone to love him, but my mom obviously doesn't love him because the way he is and my dad can't accept the fact that my mom doesn't want to be social and go places. My parent's are abnormal, they're insane and they're stupid for acting the way they do. Any advice, please I am willing to do anything at this point. My mom is such a freak that she threatens my dad that if he leaves she will drag his name through the dirt and that she will kill herself and all this other crap. She even said that if he leaves her that she will sue him for everything that he's worth.. and sad thing is she'd probably get it. My mom lives such a sheltered life and I think that hurts my dad. She never wants to go out, she never wants to do anything, and it's so hard to get her to leave the house. She hasn't had a job in at least 24 years and she milks it for all it's worth. I'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[velvet]

You need to find a new place to live. There is no reason you cant find some roommates is there? I know guys who live together like sardines, but it beats living home with mom and dad!

 

If you werent living with them, would you still come here to discuss them?

 

Joe, find a new job and move out. The reality of the situation... They are not going to change because of you. Yes, it may seem hard to get a job. Did you go to college? You need a change of location!!! Or... try to live with a relative or a friend.

[Joe]

Ok, there are ton of people who still live with their parents at the age of 21 for one reason or another. Unfortunatly I love the line of work I do and there isn't many places to do what I do at here in my area. I also live with them cause my dad retires in 2 years and my parents are moving and gonna give me this house and at one time when I was planning on moving out everyone told me that I was nuts for considering when in 2 years I would have this whole house to myself.

 

But whether I was living on my own or here, my parents would still hate each other. It's the fact they hate each other that bugs me, they know they do. Whether I was living alone or living here still, they would still hate each other.

 

You make it seem as though me living here is what causes them to hate each other, that's not the case. I don't think me moving out will help them at all, in fact they would probably kill each other.

[velvet]

Spend less time at home. Sounds like thats your only option. Go to school more, take a second job, find hobbies, heck go party! Somtimes I go out to party and I dont get home for a couple of days.

Ok, there are ton of people who still live with their parents at the age of 21 for one reason or another. Unfortunatly I love the line of work I do and there isn't many places to do what I do at here in my area. I also live with them cause my dad retires in 2 years and my parents are moving and gonna give me this house and at one time when I was planning on moving out everyone told me that I was nuts for considering when in 2 years I would have this whole house to myself. But whether I was living on my own or here, my parents would still hate each other. It's the fact they hate each other that bugs me, they know they do. Whether I was living alone or living here still, they would still hate each other.

 

You make it seem as though me living here is what causes them to hate each other, that's not the case. I don't think me moving out will help them at all, in fact they would probably kill each other.

[Joe]

Ok that's great and all, but the fact remains.. they still hate each other. You guys are overlookign something, it's not about me! It's about my parents, my mom and dad, hating each other!

 

Again, I could go party till I die but the fact remains they'd still be down each other's throats and still hate each other. They're my parents, of course I'm going to care and whether I'm out drinking my life away or not they'll always be hating each other.

 

I wish they would either get along or get divorced.

Spend less time at home. Sounds like thats your only option. Go to school more, take a second job, find hobbies, heck go party! Somtimes I go out to party and I dont get home for a couple of days.

[Angel]

If leaving home is not an option, then Velvet is right. You need to spend less time at home so that you can wait it out for the next two years. I don't think I would remain because two years of my life and my emotional sanity is worth more than a house. Sounds like although you hate it, you are used to it if you are willing to put up with it for two years. I don't think you realize how harmful this is

 

to you.

 

ALENON might be helpful for you and your mother. She sounds so depressed---try to get counseling for her also (if you can guide her in that direction).

 

Good luck to you. Keep us posted.

Spend less time at home. Sounds like thats your only option. Go to school more, take a second job, find hobbies, heck go party! Somtimes I go out to party and I dont get home for a couple of days.

[cat]

it's not being overlooked, joe. the reality of the situation is, the people who are posting are trying to help you-- they already realize something that YOU need to realize-- that your parents' relationship belongs to THEM. you cannot change it. no one here (and that includes you) can make them get along. at 21, you are just becoming a real adult. you need to distance yourself from them. realize that you are not omnipotent in this world- you cannot make things happen the way you want them to. you can only observe situations you're in and learn what you want to learn from them. perhaps your parents' relationship will help you understand what you want and don't want from your own wife if and when you do get married. bottom line-- control only yourself and make yourself happy. you cannot control them and if they've been living this way for so long, they are not going to change.

 

about the house, two more years is a long time to be miserable. see if they'll support you in moving out and still give you the house when they move. this is the age when you should be discovering things for yourself, not carrying their problems.

 

your parents need some serious counseling, and (this is more important) so do you. family stuff will stay with you your whole life until you deal with it, and it sounds like you blame yourself for their problems. please talk to someone and try to work it out. it's a very brave and responsible thing to do. good luck.

Ok that's great and all, but the fact remains.. they still hate each other. You guys are overlookign something, it's not about me! It's about my parents, my mom and dad, hating each other! Again, I could go party till I die but the fact remains they'd still be down each other's throats and still hate each other. They're my parents, of course I'm going to care and whether I'm out drinking my life away or not they'll always be hating each other. I wish they would either get along or get divorced.

[Tony T]

it's not being overlooked, joe. the reality of the situation is, the people who are posting are trying to help you-- they already realize something that YOU need to realize-- that your parents' relationship belongs to THEM. you cannot change it. no one here (and that includes you) can make them get along. at 21, you are just becoming a real adult. you need to distance yourself from them. realize that you are not omnipotent in this world- you cannot make things happen the way you want them to. you can only observe situations you're in and learn what you want to learn from them. perhaps your parents' relationship will help you understand what you want and don't want from your own wife if and when you do get married. bottom line-- control only yourself and make yourself happy. you cannot control them and if they've been living this way for so long, they are not going to change. about the house, two more years is a long time to be miserable. see if they'll support you in moving out and still give you the house when they move. this is the age when you should be discovering things for yourself, not carrying their problems. your parents need some serious counseling, and (this is more important) so do you. family stuff will stay with you your whole life until you deal with it, and it sounds like you blame yourself for their problems. please talk to someone and try to work it out. it's a very brave and responsible thing to do. good luck.

[rb449]

joe

 

From personal experience of living a similar story to yours I suggest you go to 6 ALANON meetings. This is a fellowship of people who have friends or relatives who have a problem with alcohol. They may be able to offer you a solution.

 

You can find the nearest meeting by calling Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

 

 

 

 

You need to find a new place to live. There is no reason you cant find some roommates is there? I know guys who live together like sardines, but it beats living home with mom and dad! If you werent living with them, would you still come here to discuss them?