lanna Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 well lets get to the point, I broke up with my bf when I was 18,went out with someone else , 4 months later went back to the other one and became pregant, i am not to sure how to tell the other one, t the child is 12 and untilsameone told me the she looks nothing like the guy i thought/think is the father but more like the other guy... i want to do the right thing, i want to tell him, this will cause pain as they are very close. i want to get the tests done. any help on how to bring it up to the one that i was only with for 4 months, how do i get him to get the test...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 The father of the child will owe you 12 years of back child support plus six more years...until the child is 18. See an attorney. The suspected father can be required to submit to DNA testing via a court order requested by the attorney, if the attorney can show reasonable cause that he might be the father. You probably ought to have both of these guys take the test and as soon as possible. Why did you wait so long? Get this cleared up ASAP. Your child absolutely deserves to know who her father is and deserves to be supported both financially and emotionally by that person. You have done a great disservice by waiting this long to ascertain the father. But it's never too late. Don't wait, see a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, call your local bar association and explain the circumstances. They will give you the names of attorneys who will take your case pro bono (for free). Many state bars have a fund to pay for legal services for those who cannot afford them. The father will have to pay for his own test once he is identified...and he will have to fork over a lot of money to you and his daughter. Don't be shy. You aren't doing this for yourself, you are doing it for your daughter. She is way too young to look out for her rights so you have to do that for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 You really did not give a whole lot of information to go on. Based on your post, I assume you are 30 years old. You had a child 12 years ago. Without knowing more about you it is hard for me to advise you one way or the other. In general I would have to say, unless the child is suffering from an illness that requires knowing *for sure* who the real father is, I don't think I would pursue this. I don't see where anything good would come from it. There are a lot of children that don't favor either of their parents. Recessive genes can pop up at any time. Just because a child does not look like one parent or the other doesn't mean they aren't the parents. Unless it is a necessity to know who the biological father is, then let this go. I don't know what kind of life you are living now or who you are living with, if anyone, but if you and your child are living a reasonably happy life, then leave it alone. If you are consumed with guilt about the uncertainty of her paternity, seek counseling and do what your heart tells you to do. well lets get to the point, I broke up with my bf when I was 18,went out with someone else , 4 months later went back to the other one and became pregant, i am not to sure how to tell the other one, t the child is 12 and untilsameone told me the she looks nothing like the guy i thought/think is the father but more like the other guy... i want to do the right thing, i want to tell him, this will cause pain as they are very close. i want to get the tests done. any help on how to bring it up to the one that i was only with for 4 months, how do i get him to get the test...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
lanna Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 I guess that i never thought of it until the other day with this comment that one of my friends said about who she looks like. the other thing is that i amscared to tell the father that is in contact with her, he pays child support + he takes her to his place every 2end weekend. I do not know a eazy way to say it, i do not know of a way to ( if i have to) help him with the pain. The father of the child will owe you 12 years of back child support plus six more years...until the child is 18. See an attorney. The suspected father can be required to submit to DNA testing via a court order requested by the attorney, if the attorney can show reasonable cause that he might be the father. You probably ought to have both of these guys take the test and as soon as possible. Why did you wait so long? Get this cleared up ASAP. Your child absolutely deserves to know who her father is and deserves to be supported both financially and emotionally by that person. You have done a great disservice by waiting this long to ascertain the father. But it's never too late. Don't wait, see a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, call your local bar association and explain the circumstances. They will give you the names of attorneys who will take your case pro bono (for free). Many state bars have a fund to pay for legal services for those who cannot afford them. The father will have to pay for his own test once he is identified...and he will have to fork over a lot of money to you and his daughter. Don't be shy. You aren't doing this for yourself, you are doing it for your daughter. She is way too young to look out for her rights so you have to do that for her. Link to post Share on other sites
lanna Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 I think that you are right. There is no illness nor is she unhappy. my daughter is very happy, I will do this and i thank you so much for saying this. i do feel guilt, and the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone. i guess with my friends comment i felt oh no kinnda thing... thank you You really did not give a whole lot of information to go on. Based on your post, I assume you are 30 years old. You had a child 12 years ago. Without knowing more about you it is hard for me to advise you one way or the other. In general I would have to say, unless the child is suffering from an illness that requires knowing *for sure* who the real father is, I don't think I would pursue this. I don't see where anything good would come from it. There are a lot of children that don't favor either of their parents. Recessive genes can pop up at any time. Just because a child does not look like one parent or the other doesn't mean they aren't the parents. Unless it is a necessity to know who the biological father is, then let this go. I don't know what kind of life you are living now or who you are living with, if anyone, but if you and your child are living a reasonably happy life, then leave it alone. If you are consumed with guilt about the uncertainty of her paternity, seek counseling and do what your heart tells you to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 There is not an easy way but for the sake of all concerned, and for the sake of honesty and people's futures, get this matter cleared up as soon as possible. Then it will be off your shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 You are playing with fire here. No, you are not playing with fire, you are playing with a nuclear bomb! Before you say another word about this to ANYBODY, do as Tony suggested and talk to a lawyer. While you are at it you might want to talk to a professional counselor too. You are messing with four people's lives and untold amounts of money and heartache are at stake. Be sure you know what you are getting yourself into BEFORE you get into it. I think that you are right. There is no illness nor is she unhappy. my daughter is very happy, I will do this and i thank you so much for saying this. i do feel guilt, and the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone. i guess with my friends comment i felt oh no kinnda thing... thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Anthony Posted January 18, 2002 Share Posted January 18, 2002 Well there is the factor of whom the child sees as her father... as in the one she grew up with... But if it really bugs you or you have a need to know.. for what ever reason... it may be. There is the simple way of seeing if the prospective parents have different blood types to the childs blood type ie. a child with blood type O can not be the child of someone with blood type AB. Then there is the expensive way of DNA testing to see whom is the father but if memory serves me those tests can cost thoulsands of $ each. But as such you really should get the correct parent atleast from a legal point of view i mean at some point it might come out for what ever reason in the future. well lets get to the point, I broke up with my bf when I was 18,went out with someone else , 4 months later went back to the other one and became pregant, i am not to sure how to tell the other one, t the child is 12 and untilsameone told me the she looks nothing like the guy i thought/think is the father but more like the other guy... i want to do the right thing, i want to tell him, this will cause pain as they are very close. i want to get the tests done. any help on how to bring it up to the one that i was only with for 4 months, how do i get him to get the test...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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