Need some input parents, money and mortgage

[Ssheena]

I don't know where to start this.

 

I have gotten myself in a huge, huge hole and I can't seem to dig myself out.

My mortgage adjusted and is $3600 a month. I have about $1000 in debt a month I have to pay, this is a car loan and my payment to my consumer credit counseling program (a good one, not a bad one, this is trustworthy and through the United way). Then on top of all that money going out, I have all the normal utilities - electricity, gas, phone, cell phone, water, cable, isp, garbage etc. as well as food, gas for cars, auto insurance, health club, pets, etc.

 

Last month my bank charged me at least $500 in overdraft fees.

 

I'm two months behind in my mortgage and they sent me a foreclosure notice.

 

I've cut somethings from my expenses and am tracking what I spend on what as well as putting myself on a same amount year round electricity/heat bill.

I've been in the credit counseling thing for over a year now.

 

I was going to refinance my mortgage and roll all my bills into one monthly payment but I stepped back to think about it and then worked with another mortgage person and she told me she could help me and I had signed everything (intent) and paid $100 for a appraisal of my house etc. I thought we would close before the end of December. Then she kept asking me for more and more documents. I told her we needed to get going on this and then she said she didn't get the faxes I sent her so I refaxed them and kept the pieces of paper that said they went through. She just disappeared.

I wrote her twice and said I wanted a copy of the appraisal as I paid for it. No response. No sorry it didn't work out, good luck with whatever, nothing.

 

So, now it is the 22 and I have no money at all until the 29th. None.

 

The new mortgage person, who made me cry when he told me I should sell my house and get rid of the dogs, told me I should ask my parents for some money. A woman I play tennis with told me I should buck up and ask my parents to help me out. My friends tell me I should ask my parents. I hate asking my parents for anything.

 

Here is a little background. I have had for many years a problem with money. I have asked my parents for money in the past. I am an only child and my parents are millionaires (or have a LOT of money). My parents can and do write me emails and not sign them Love, Dad. My parents have accused me of not appreciating anything they do for me. My parents have had graduation parties for my daughter with my entire x family in law (including my x husband and the girl he left me for) and let him stay at their house. My parents stay at his parents house when they go to Germany. My parents have told me it is my fault that he wanted a divorce and I should have "tried" harder. My parents have said, nobody is going to want a ready made family (meaning I'm never going to find anyone else). My parents have taken my kids to Florida with them to met up with my x and his girlfriend so it would be easier and faster for him to get them to take them to the Virgin Islands.

 

My parents constently say very, very hurtful things to me when I talk to them so I don't talk to them much. One of my goals when I had children was that they never feel like I don't love them. I have felt my entire life, unloved, and when I get emails from my dad and he doesn't sign them with love it makes me feel like Ssssht.

 

Sorry for the long post, and I appreciate any responses. I guess what I'm looking for is any suggestions on how to/or what to do about my money situation. I've taken a loan out on my 401k to get caught up with my mortgage but the rest of getting caught up isn't going to happen without some help. I am even looking into selling my antiques.

 

Should I do this without telling my parents what is going on?

[underpants]

Wow,

 

That is terrible.

 

Try everything not to loose your house to fc. Banks really don't want to fc if they don't have to.

 

3 payments usually means something is going to get filed.

 

You need to talk to your lender with money in hand and see what they will do for you.

 

It seems like you are taking a good approach by itemizing your expenses and seeing where you can cut corners.

 

Maybe you could give you dogs to a good home. Maybe a friend that could foster them until you get on your feet? As heart breaking as that is. Eventually, this might be inevitable.

 

If you don't need a car then that might save some money.

 

I looked into the electric flat rate thing but for me, that is a more expensive route.

 

Also, if you don't have much invested in your home. Maybe you could sell it and get out of that large mortgage and get a smaller place/condo with less of a mortgage?

 

I don't know what to tell you about the parent sitch. Have they helped you out before? If so, they might again.

 

A second job a couple of days a week could help out. I always picked restaurant work as the money is in cash and schedules are pretty flexable.

 

Don't let your mtg fall 3 payments behind. When you talk to them have at least one payment ready and with you. That should be priority.

 

Good luck.

 

I am sure others' have better advice.

[allina]

I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a tough situation

 

I'm not sure if I can offer any good advice but I would say ask your parents. Though your relationship with them isn't wonderful I'm sure they'd help you if they knew how much you needed it. A little pride may be worth saving your home and getting back on track financially.

 

My second thought would be to sell the antiques but I don't know how important they are to you so it may be a tough one.

 

Best of luck to you, I hope you keep your doggies

[lovelorcet]

I am a bit torn on this to be honest. My hard line opinion would be sell the house and straighten your life out. This is a mess you made and you obviously have major issues with money.

 

On the other hand it sounds like your parents have the extra cash so I would suck it up and ask for help. From what you have described it sounds like your parents maybe be a bit cold but are they really wrong??

[Ssheena]

You are right, this is a mess I made and I do have problems (let's not sugarcoat them by calling them issues) with money. I have been and am making steps to address this.

 

I am getting caught up with the mortgage by the end of February and will be on track for March and I am looking for part-time work.

 

I prefer to do this without asking my parents for anything.

 

I'm don't understand what lovelorcet means by my parents maybe being a bit cold but are they really wrong?

 

As far as selling the antiques, they are part of the divorce settlement and one of them is worth at least $8000 maybe more. It's a handpainted schrank (auf deutsch) that is well over 200 years old.

 

I am hoping the new HUD loans go through fast. I can live a really frugal life for a year or two and get my credit back on track and then my payments will be lower.

 

Thank you all for your responses.

[lovelorcet]

I mean are your parents really wrong for being critical of you?

 

I think it is really good that you can admit that this mess is of your own making because that means you are on an honest path to trying to improve your situation

 

Not to get to picky but you wrote that you have a 3.6k mortgage, 1k credit and another 500 in bank fees? Wow that is a ton of debt a moth to deal with. Try and think about how far you are out living your actual means.

 

Und ich hoffe dass alles gut geht!

[Ssheena]

Danke.

 

The $500 in bank fees was just in overdraft (bounced check) fees. Not a monthly expense, thank goodness.

 

It will work out, it's just super stressful.

[older_no_wiser]

Tough position? You are in a "tough" position????? You have four hundred and one k of debt. FOUR HUNDRED AND ONE K of debt?????????? How on earth does a grown up (using the word in the loosest possible sense) get themselves into that situation?????

 

How old are you? And you want to run to mummy and daddy? You say your friends tell you you SHOULD be running to mummy and daddy? What kind of friends have you got? Are you living the life of the landed gentry or something?

 

You are not in a "tough" position. A tough position is where you find yourself with no money left, no house to sell - and sure as damn it no antiques to sell, yet you have to find a way to feed your children for the rest of the month. And the gas bill comes in. And the cat gets sick and needs a trip to the vet. And your daughter's shoes fall apart. And mummy and daddy are long since dead. THAT is "tough" position.

 

Unless you are under the age of 18, do not go NEAR mum and dad. Do not take on any more debt. Do not even whisper to mum and dad the mess you are in.

 

Sell the antiques. Sell the designer label gear. Sell anything that is not nailed down that you can possibly sell. If need be, sell the house and move some place smaller. Trawl around a few web sites. Start with parenting webs sites and look at their budget forums. Check how much LOADS of people are struggling to live off in this country (who would have had the antiques up first on the list before they ever reached a hint of mummy and daddy). Check money/budgeting forums. Introduce yourself to the harsh realities of life in the grown up and very real world where you are expected to live off your means, off your own back and responsibly. Welcome to being a grown up. It sucks. Millions of us have to do it. You might even find you take some pride in yourself when you've cracked it all by yourself.

 

And if the dogs really have to go - so what.

[Ssheena]

I appreciate your reply. True, I'm in not in as tough a position as I could be but for me, it is a let's say, new, reality. My parents are not dead and they have lots of money. I'm doing the best I can at getting things under control. I have a very good paying job.

 

I admit I have a problem.

 

I also made a commitment when I took on the responsibility of having the dogs and it's one I take seriously.

[lovelorcet]

Tough position? You are in a "tough" position????? You have four hundred and one k of debt. FOUR HUNDRED AND ONE K of debt?????????? How on earth does a grown up (using the word in the loosest possible sense) get themselves into that situation?????

 

 

Do you know what a 401K is? It is a form of retirement savings not a sum of money she owes.

[devil123]

I'm sorry you got into this BIG mess and I think I understand your situation. Your parents are being very very unreasonable. How can they do this to their only child. They rather have your x then you... I know it's very embarressing for you to ask them for cash when you and your family's relationship are not that good, but your still their only child and I think they will help you if you ask them.

[Ssheena]

I guess it is "tough love" or something or basically, they just aren't cut out to be parents. I do think the universe is telling me I need to move and I don't know why I'm so hesitant to do so. Just because of my yard? Just because of my friends? It's not like I would be moving x-country, just an hour away. My kids are both going to be gone/in college so what is holding me back? Oh, I know. I would be moving to a semi-ultra conservative, mega church, family orientated area. I'm smart enough to be able to weigh the pro's and con's of things and I know the pro's outweigh the con's.

 

I've always felt my parents liked my x better than me. They are just doing what is in their mind, the "christian" thing to do, and get along with him.

[Nevermind]

I am sorry that you're having a hard time, but it seems that you focus too much on your parents instead of a solution for your problems. Your daughter graduated, you're a grown woman. Not a child. If your parents don't give you the love you need, move on.

[older_no_wiser]

Sheena,

 

I think you are kidding yourself. This is NOT a new reality for you. This is an ongoing reality that you have chosen to avoid dealing with. The reason that I know it is ongoing is the sheer damn extent of it.

 

I suspect you think that if you dig yourself a big enough hole, your parents will HAVE to bail you out. I sincerely hope that they don't. If you are in a well paid job, sell up, clear your debts, buy something that is actually within your means and get on with it.

 

Your parents do not owe you a damn thing once they have done the job of raising you. If you care to look at reaslitic options for getting out of the situation you are in, completely and entirely off your own back and in a mature way, I will be the first to wish you well.

 

Hey, come over here - I'll show you how very, very little it is possible to live off whilst maintaining a home, a cat, two goldfish, one small car and two daughters. I even have the odd antique. Not worth a huge sum - but still have never resorted to selling. had the jewellery in the pawn shop a couple of times to buy my daughters' Christmas presents but made sure I got them back.

 

Yup. Reality is harsh. The only people who don't think so are spongers, losers and children.

[Ssheena]

Again, thank you for your feedback. I certainly hope your children never get into a situation of their own making and if they do, I hope that you will remember what you have just stated.

I am not going to ask my parents for any help. I stated above I have a problem (helloooo, did you read it???) kind of like druggies have their addictions, I have mine.

 

Good for you for doing all you have gotten through, seriously.

 

No use continually slamming me.