Improper discussions at funerals

[muffinygoodness]

Hi everyone

I just wanted some feedback on this email I just sent my uncles ex-wife. I am furious but want this woman to know that I will not tolerate her abusing my young or college age.

 

Sara,

Why did you feel the need to discuss how Fred molested his daughter Megan with Michelle at her grandmothers funeral?

 

You knew Michelle had been informed by me years before that all of her uncles were child molesters. We had numerous phone discussions on the subject and I told you explicitly what I said to her.

 

Remember how angry you were with me in sixth grade when I told people in the lunch room Penny was adopted and her Dad was not around?

 

You felt I violated Penny's trust and asked me how I would feel if you told everyone my father was a drunk? I was twelve years old and was only beginning to form my concepts of being a good decent person. I never thought twice when I said those things and never meant to hurt Penny but I did . I apologized to her and I meant it.

 

It was wrong of you to put that horrible story on Michelle during such a sad day and I feel you owe Michelle an apology. You can look up her email address at XXXXXXX.edu. I refuse to have any contact with you until you send her an apology.

 

You choose to deal with your pain of being sexually abused in a completely different way than me. I respect that you feel it is your duty or right to state the truth and it is none of my concern what you say to people but... it is my right as a mother to tell you to never discuss something of that horrible of a subject with one of my grieving children again.

[Tony T]

If Michelle is an adult it is NOT your place to write such an email. It is Michelle's. Using emotional extortion (refusing to talk to her until he sends an apology) is also highly inappropriate. I simply wouldn't talk to her anyway again regardless. But don't use it as a tool.

 

It is unfortunate that this ex-wife of your uncle has such poor judgment and is so low class that she would do something like this. But she is obviously very ignorant. There are many people like this around and you can never change them. There are many people, often the redneckish of the family, who simply don't know what is appropriate and what isn't. Get used to it.

 

You best bet is to work on Michelle and instill a forgiving spirit in her because she will encounter many of these types until the day she dies. Forget your uncle's ex, she is just plain ignorant. Also, tell Michelle to avoid the presence with your Uncle's ex wife from now on.

 

Don't perpetuate the kind of mindset that got you here in the first place. Take the high road, counsel Michelle, and let this go. The deed has been done, you have informed your Uncle's ex that what she did was wrong, and that's that. However, it's my experience that people who are SO IGNORANT they would do something like this are motivated to do worse when confronted.

[muffinygoodness]

I see what you are saying Michelle is over 18 but my two other children are minors. Regardless your right, the threat of having no contact until she apologizes is not acceptable. I should have no contact with the woman anymore. She is and has been capable of worse.