4givrnt4gtr Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 So, ive posted her about how I want to move on my own. Im 24 and have moved out a few times, once when I was 19, with the excuse that i needed to be closer to school (i could have just stayed home but couldnt handle it). And once again when I finish school at 22, I told my parents i wanted to live with roommates instead of moving back home. That time i would constantly get guilt tripped about how i should be home helping them (or rather my mom since my dad keeps going back and forth between living with us and going back to our country of origin..never stays longer than 6 months). Anyhow, I feel my family is very unstable, I never know exactly whats gonna happen next. My brother got married less than two years ago, and now is getting divorced leaving a small boy behind. My sister..well she's crazy...too long a story to tell. Neither live with us, but their issues affect us a lot. As i said my dad keeps coming and going, and my mom seems to never be able to stand on her own two feet. I feel like i really need to find my own life, where I know whats going on and life is a bit more calm. Yet, if I mention i want to move out I always get the "so, you're gonna leave my mom by herself????" Or even my mom, she would start her "well...if you leave I guess im going to find a job where im gonna be busy 24hrs a day because I dont want to be alone and i dont want to think". Im starting to feel trapped and just caught in a mess of manipulation and guiltripping. There's nothing wrong with my mom, she is 56, perfectly healthy. She just wont speak english and wont drive. I really dont know what to do. In a way i feel bad about leaving her, despite it all, she has given me everything I have and if it wasnt for her I wouldnt done what ive done so far. IN the other hand, I feel like Im being trapped. I really dont know what to do....how to respond to their guilt trips and manipulations. She starting to say sh is going to go back to our country of origin, to take care of my grandparents. I know if she does that my sibling and my dad are gonna blame me for it...its gonna be hell.... what do i do?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel_0814p Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I think you should move out and not let guilt run your life. When your mom gets sappy about it, tell her to get over herself because moving out is what kids do when they grow up. I'd also tell her, your father, and anyone else who expects you to be your mom's companion that it's your father who should be keeping your mom company, not you, and to leave you alone! I know it's easier said than done, but it's about all you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Q: "you're going to leave mom all by herself?" A: "Actually, I figured it's your turn to stay with her. Why?" or A: "What do you mean, all by herself? She's got the both of you." or even A: "Yeah. So what are you planning to do about helping her?" Q: "if you leave I guess im going to find a job where im gonna be busy 24hrs a day because I dont want to be alone and i dont want to think." A: "Sounds great mom. Do you have an idea of what kind of work you want to get into? or A: "Surely you'll need time to eat, sleep, bathe and do your laundry!" families are fantastic about flicking guilt at you, but honey, YOU are the only one who makes you stay behind, not them. You always have the option of turning a deaf ear to their manipulation ... not always easy, but once you get the hang of it, it comes natural. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 Q: "you're going to leave mom all by herself?" A: "Actually, I figured it's your turn to stay with her. Why?" or A: "What do you mean, all by herself? She's got the both of you." or even A: "Yeah. So what are you planning to do about helping her?" Q: "if you leave I guess im going to find a job where im gonna be busy 24hrs a day because I dont want to be alone and i dont want to think." A: "Sounds great mom. Do you have an idea of what kind of work you want to get into? or A: "Surely you'll need time to eat, sleep, bathe and do your laundry!" families are fantastic about flicking guilt at you, but honey, YOU are the only one who makes you stay behind, not them. You always have the option of turning a deaf ear to their manipulation ... not always easy, but once you get the hang of it, it comes natural. hahaha! i love the answers...unfortunately my mom wont live with my sister (and tbh i wouldnt her to either...in november sister flew off the handle and threatened with killing herself and my mom as they were driving around the city....not pleasasnt at all...as I said...my sister is a bit on the psycho side). My bro said he wanted to have my mom live with her and take her off my hands since it seemed like she was such a big burden for me (guiltrip guiltrip) but my mom says she wont do that either cuz something or the other.... I really liked however the answer to "24hr work"...see how she'll respond when instead of my usual "mom, come on, lets find some other way" (aka, i guess ill stay), ill answer with. "Great! Ill help you look!" id love to see her face haha Thank you so much for ur responses...ive realized there's nothing I can do to change how they feel about me moving out....but i gotta do it...and let the guilt slide.... (interestingly enough, my bf doesnt want me moving out either....you'd think he would, but he thinks very highly of me helping out my mom....odd people) Link to post Share on other sites
iSmiley Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 hihi ^^ My dad has a good way of making us siblings guilty so that he can trapped us in the family till the end of the time and not having our own life. whenever he said this: "am gona run off sooner or later and leave u guys" I will said :"oh pls..when u leave,remember to take ur burden too and not leave it with us" then continue to do my stuffs and totally ignored him. Cruel? YES? MAybe? But..we do have to learn ourselves too hun. I am 25 and coming 26 and before am all trapped to live in their misery and condemn in having my own life. if they do love us, they will know that we are sad and not make us miserable but instead..support us in things that make us happier. If my parents can do that, am sure i b so more than willing to stay with them! am surprised your bf will ask u to stay with her though...o.O maybe i duno the whole story... do what that makes u happy dear..u will never know what is going to happen next. As long as what you did is right and pls..do think of yourself once in a while too. Good Luck <3 Link to post Share on other sites
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