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Some of you have been following my threads. Here is an update for you.

 

I was (keyword WAS) going to give him till Sept. 1st. to fully decide ON HIS OWN to move back into our home and to full invest himself in this marriage. But I don't know that that is necessary to wait that long. I had a good long "think" in Cape Cod, (I went away for a very long holiday weekend) I mean I mostly didn't think about all this but when I did my thinking wasn't nearly as muddled as it has been.

 

On our last "date" the husband made a comment he said in his ever-sarcastic, always joking- but you know there is always an element of truth in it - kind of way "can't I just live in my own place, we can "date", stay married but live separately". I dont need to go into details of why this bothered me its pretty self-explanatory. That one comment that one little snippet (well of course ALL of the other factors too) has made me realize that he will NEVER make the decision to leave and he will NEVER make the decision to stay. It won't happen. My heart now knows it and my head agrees. I mean all this other bulls*** with "HER" aside, if I look at just what has transpired minusing that, its not there. Its nothing. 9 + years of my life wasted...poof gone. he is so f***ing selfish, I dont know why it has taken me 102 days (yes 102 days since the s*** started to hit the fan) to realize that.

 

Aside from my beautiful children, which incidentally I never would have brought into this world if I thought THIS would be the outcome, he has given me nothing I want. He has given plently of aggravation, pain and tears. I have cried more in the last 102 days then I have in all my life. Peter Pan will NEVER leave Neverland. It's so sad. I feel so much better now then I have in the past about all of this (meaning my head) but it is sad. I feel like my life has been taken from me. I know I will come back from this. I do. but it does not change how it feels RIGHT NOW. I dont know the name of the song, but he hasn't taken my spirit just all of my dreams. Its like I am watching it all go down the kitchen sink drain. Slowly swirling away from me, slipping through my fingers like water.

 

I think I have withstood too much and now its time to undo it. I would LOVE to just serve him with papers and say nothing, because thats how I feel right now, like he doesn't deserve a response. BUT I dont know that I want to go the lawyer route, and even though the decision to Divorce is there, I may not pursue it for sometime. I would like some time to get my things in order. Its not like I will be getting remarried so I am in no rush to make it "final" and to have the paper that says "I Don't". I was considering going the mediator route too. I really dont want to have to have a court order in place for my children. They are MY children, why does a court get the right to put an order in place for them. I have alot of research to do obviously, but if I can do this without "court" stuff I would like too.

 

so with that I will only say, that since making this decision I dont even want this anymore. i dont want him. I dont want this marriage. its weird once my heart caught up with my head everything seems clear cut now. I know this wont be easy, I love him more then he will ever know. But I love him enough to let him go. I love me enough to let him go. I love my children enough to allow them to start accepting that he wont be back. I can now stop smoothing it over everytime Emma says Daddy wont be home. I can stop letting my heart break for her everytime i hear it. Start to accept it, go through the emotions and start healing.

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The reason that you need all this lawyer stuff is to protect yourself. Don't go along with him just wanting you to use his attorney or do the papers yourself. Because you will most likely get screwed.

 

At this point he has had the option to be with his kids and he hasn't. I'd file for full custody with liberal visitation to him. If you are a SAHM then file for alimony and the most child support he should pay under the law.

 

That will cut down on his little fun times with OW.

 

That is the reason he wants to stay married and live separate. He doesn't have to choose and it's not costing him a thing.

 

The reason you should file first is that it might shock him into something and it will protect you.

 

I know all of this because my ex filed first!

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I totally agree with Mz Pixie here. You NEED a lawyer. You can still be civil and play nice with one another, but you NEED a lawyer. You do not want to regret this decision in a year from now if he screws you over. You need someone who is objective enough to look out for your own interests, because if you are like me, I couldnt even think straight. I listened to my lawyer, filed first, shocked/pissed the exh off, but i STILL got what i was entitled too. My ex wanted me to walk away with less than half of our savings. I could have got more. All I wanted was half and he laid huge guilt trips on me. Get a lawyer, but remember they work for YOU. If you dont like the road they are going, then you are in charge. If they are too agressive, you can control that. But you need a lawyer.

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I feel like my life has been taken from me. I know I will come back from this. I do. but it does not change how it feels RIGHT NOW.

 

Your life has been taken from you now. It's up to you to make a new and better life on your own. I'm learning , too, after 20 years of marriage to a cheater.

 

I love me enough to let him go. I love my children enough to allow them to start accepting that he wont be back.

 

 

I am proud of you with this mindset! You are strong enough to rely on yourself and you WILL be fine... it takes time....

 

It's not easy, just continue to try to take each day as it comes and make the best of loving yourself and your children....

 

Even if it's justified and you really want to - don't speak negatively about their Daddy... it will only hurt their heart more. Just remind them that they are loved by both of you...

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The slayer

Good for you MILF. I can imagine how hard it has been to get this far. I'm proud too, and wish you love and luck

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[/b]

IEven if it's justified and you really want to - don't speak negatively about their Daddy... it will only hurt their heart more. Just remind them that they are loved by both of you...

 

I agree with this 1000 percent. They do not need to hear "Daddy doesn't love us or doesn't want to live with us anymore". No matter if its true or if you want to blast him, don't.

 

I've made this my policy and it's been extremely hard. Even though I left him he's been a total jerk ass ever since. Even since he remarried. He's done all kinds of things and my kids have given me perfect opportunities to blast him- when he's lied to me about stuff they have done and such. I haven't taken that opportunity. I don't regret this one bit.

 

One day your kids will know the truth. They'll learn on their own who loves them by their actions. There is time to get there.

 

Also, yeah, your life is going to be fine. One day you may meet someone even better- someone worthy of your devotion and then you'll ever wonder why you put up with so much crap from him. I know I sure did!

 

You never know when something terrible happens whether you'll get the biggest blessing behind it!

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rble618740

DISCLAIMER: I must preface this post with an apology for not going back and reading all of your old posts. If something I say here doesn't pertain b/c of aspects/events in your relationship that I don't know about, I'm sorry.

 

 

The one thing I noticed about your post, and this may be reflective of your relationship with your husband, is that it's very REactive.

 

It seems as though, since your husband has taken so long to decide whether he wants to return to the home, you have decided that you no longer want the marriage. I think that is a decision you should make independent of your husband's decision. Granted, you can't have a marriage if he doesn't want one, but you can decide that you want to work on your marriage. Since you can't control him, you can only control yourself, that usually means improving yourself. And that effort is never a waste, even if the marriage doesn't ultimately work out. I know you might feel like you don't bear much or equal responsibility for your current situation, and that's very possibly the case. There are, usually, things that we contribute to a bad situation that we don't necessarily consider bad. Maybe we did not clearly defend boundaries we set, letting our significant other take advantage of us and leaving us, well, feeling taking advantage of. This brings me to my actual suggestion.

 

My husband and I separated and, quite honestly, when he left I could not believe HE would be leaving ME. He had not held a steady job, he gambled, he drank, he spent more nights every week hanging out with his buddies than he did being a husband. I mean, I clearly felt that he was a married man wanting to lead a "single" life. Though it was EXTREMELY difficult, I worked on me when he left. I believe that he was wrong for walking out but I am only human and I have faults, too. I set out to work on those faults. If my marriage worked, my efforts would certainly help improve my relationship. If my marriage didn't, at least I came through it a better person. My husband and I "dated" while we were separated. I did not give him money, and I did not have sex with him. But...like your husband, months went by and my husband stayed "on the fence" about whether he wanted to be married to me or not. I assured my husband, several times during our separation, that I had made a decision to remain committed to our marriage, but that if he decided he wanted a divorce, I would be fine. I told him not to hang on to a relationship he didn't want for fear that I would be unable to carry on. Divorce was not what I wanted, but I would cope just fine if divorce was his decision.

 

MANY times I thought about just ending our marriage. I even went and got divorce papers. But each time I thought about it, I was very emotional. I was either incredibly angry at the thought of the end result being divorce or extremely sad at the loss, etc. At one point though, after my husband had been gone for about 2 1/2 months, I thought about divorce and I was peaceful at that thought. I still wanted to work on my marriage, but I could finally issue an ultimatum and live peacefully with the possibility that my husband would choose divorce.

 

I told him one night when he called that I could not continue to be a "part time wife." I explained that I still loved him and was still committed to our marriage, but that I did not think it was best for us if I enabled him to go on being married without making a real commitment. I told my husband that I would ONLY talk with him about the future of our marriage. He called a couple of days later, asking me about work, etc. and I reiterated that I remained committed to our marriage, but I was only going to talk with him about the future of our relationship. This happened several more times - and I always said the same thing. Finally, he called one Friday night and asked if he could come to our house. I said, "Only if you're coming to talk about the future of our relationship." He said he was. When he got there, he asked to come home on a trial basis. I agreed.

 

That was two years ago and our marriage has been INCREDIBLE since then. No more gambling, only an occasional drink, and he's gotten a second job to make up for the money lost when he wasn't working. Honestly, I was very concerned that his commitment would be short lived but, at this point, my doubts about his commitment have been resolved.

 

I know this is long, but I saw some similiarities between your story and mine, and I wanted to offer ANYTHING that might be helpful to you. I know how much this sucks!

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Some of you have been following my threads. Here is an update for you.

 

I was (keyword WAS) going to give him till Sept. 1st. to fully decide ON HIS OWN to move back into our home and to full invest himself in this marriage. But I don't know that that is necessary to wait that long. I had a good long "think" in Cape Cod, (I went away for a very long holiday weekend) I mean I mostly didn't think about all this but when I did my thinking wasn't nearly as muddled as it has been.

 

On our last "date" the husband made a comment he said in his ever-sarcastic, always joking- but you know there is always an element of truth in it - kind of way "can't I just live in my own place, we can "date", stay married but live separately". I dont need to go into details of why this bothered me its pretty self-explanatory. That one comment that one little snippet (well of course ALL of the other factors too) has made me realize that he will NEVER make the decision to leave and he will NEVER make the decision to stay. It won't happen. My heart now knows it and my head agrees. I mean all this other bulls*** with "HER" aside, if I look at just what has transpired minusing that, its not there. Its nothing. 9 + years of my life wasted...poof gone. he is so f***ing selfish, I dont know why it has taken me 102 days (yes 102 days since the s*** started to hit the fan) to realize that.

 

Aside from my beautiful children, which incidentally I never would have brought into this world if I thought THIS would be the outcome, he has given me nothing I want. He has given plently of aggravation, pain and tears. I have cried more in the last 102 days then I have in all my life. Peter Pan will NEVER leave Neverland. It's so sad. I feel so much better now then I have in the past about all of this (meaning my head) but it is sad. I feel like my life has been taken from me. I know I will come back from this. I do. but it does not change how it feels RIGHT NOW. I dont know the name of the song, but he hasn't taken my spirit just all of my dreams. Its like I am watching it all go down the kitchen sink drain. Slowly swirling away from me, slipping through my fingers like water.

 

I think I have withstood too much and now its time to undo it. I would LOVE to just serve him with papers and say nothing, because thats how I feel right now, like he doesn't deserve a response. BUT I dont know that I want to go the lawyer route, and even though the decision to Divorce is there, I may not pursue it for sometime. I would like some time to get my things in order. Its not like I will be getting remarried so I am in no rush to make it "final" and to have the paper that says "I Don't". I was considering going the mediator route too. I really dont want to have to have a court order in place for my children. They are MY children, why does a court get the right to put an order in place for them. I have alot of research to do obviously, but if I can do this without "court" stuff I would like too.

 

so with that I will only say, that since making this decision I dont even want this anymore. i dont want him. I dont want this marriage. its weird once my heart caught up with my head everything seems clear cut now. I know this wont be easy, I love him more then he will ever know. But I love him enough to let him go. I love me enough to let him go. I love my children enough to allow them to start accepting that he wont be back. I can now stop smoothing it over everytime Emma says Daddy wont be home. I can stop letting my heart break for her everytime i hear it. Start to accept it, go through the emotions and start healing.

 

Erika,

 

I know this is a hard time for you and I would highly suggest reading up on the 5 stages of grief. I would also suggest getting counseling for yourself.

 

You are right, minus the cheating he has done what exactly have you been getting out of this marriage? What have your kids gotten out of this? It doesn't seem like he has been not only unfaithful but not honoring any of the other vows he promised you and your children. Like I said before he won't change. His immaturity is not going to change until he sees it for himself. Don't beat yourself up over the years lost, just learn from the experiences you endured and love your children as much as they can take.

 

Personally if I was single you would be exactly the type I would be looking for. Someone who has a huge heart, a good head on her shoulders & very attractive. Your husband won't know what he has until he loses it. However that's for him to go through.

 

Nothing you did deserved this. And though you may love him, you know that to live with him and be content & at peace just won't happen. It's time to stop living on the edge worrying about what is going to happen next. When you do that you are playing into his immature games.

 

The next few months are going to be hard on you. He will try everything he knows to pull at your heart strings. When you feel like you are going to slip and take him back, re-read all these posts. Remember about all the years that he's done you wrong. Also know if you ever do take him back you will never be able to fully experience true happiness & love that will come to you one day.

 

Hang in there & keep your head held high :)

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I have made some MORE mistakes. After I told him I wanted out somehow it turned into him coming back into the house, I am so stupid sometimes. He has been back in since the 5th. but things have changed, of course as I am sure all of you knew and I didn't.

 

I have an appt. this afternoon with a lawyer.

 

I haven't said anything to Hubby, much less that he is gone for four days in DC I will avoid his phone calls, and probably pretend everything is hunky dunky. The appt. is only a consultation, but its the first step.

 

Yesterday I checked the keylogger, hadn't checked it in a couple of days, and when I did he had written to someone (gee wonder who?) on friday (the 7th) which was our date night, he said "tried to call you but no answer, will talk to you tomorrow at work I guess, won't be able to talk on the phone tonight, will check you later on line." I of course then checked his cell phone and blatantly it was her. he called JUST before coming home from the gym. That was the only time he was out of the house. I'm so done. I don't know why I have allowed him to disrepect me this long. I really don't. I hate myself for putting up with this s*** for as long as I have.

 

I still don't know if its physical, but there is NO DOUBT something there, maybe he is denying it to himself, deluding himself into thinking this is all normal and ok. I don't know, its just my best guess. At this point it doesn't matter, I have said I am done with this a 1000 times, but now I really am. f*** him. He can't even discontinue a relationship to save our marriage why on earth would I expect him to be able to do anything else to save it. Its not like he doesn't know how i feel about this. he knows. I have told him 8 bjillion times and yet he ignores me. ignores our marriage, my feelings, absolutely no regard for anything but himself, HIS wants and HIS needs. f*** him. I cannot believe I am married to such an enormous piece of s***. I really can't. I have let go of any expectations. they are useless.

 

I am scared to death. so scared. I can put on a happy face, but boy is it fake. I am afraid this women will tell me, oh its only 10,000 to get divorced at which point I may have my nervous breakdown, I have been needing for so long.

 

He doesn't deserve a head's up. I'll be sure to give him enough rope to hang himself pretend everything is just fine. he is away for four days, then back and I will have to suck it up until Mon. night when I go to his sisters, then I will be gone until the 22nd. after that the s*** will hitteth the fan. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to have him served at work, I certainly don't want him served at home, as he'll undoubtedly be with the kids. I know someday he will see this the way I do, see the error of his ways, see just how badly he has f***ed up, but somehow none of that makes me feel better right now. f***ing a**h***.

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Did you ever contact her husband or her?

 

I'm so sorry to hear he did that to you--again. You didn't make a mistake by letting him back in--you tried!! That's more than he can say.

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yeah I did contact the husband. There is another thread out there that has all the crap that has happened since this all started in it. "based on JUST the facts" is its name, if you care to read my demise.

 

I have considered contacting the husband again to let him know I am going through with a divorce and that his wife and my not so soon to be ex-husband are still in regular contact.

 

This was not our only problem. we had problems, but its the one I cannot fix, and like I said if he can't discontinue a relationship for the sake of our marriage why and how would I possibly expect him to be able to do anything else.

 

he is going to be so sorry. he really is.

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If I were you I would have the locks changed on the house before he gets home from his trip!

 

He doesn't deserve the priviledge of stepping one foot inside your home... and you need to protect yourself and stay safe.

 

Place any important papers at a different location and move any available money into an account in your own name...

 

Be happy he's gone for now, this will give you the time you need to take care of business....

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we have children and he will be with them while I am away for 4 days, and I dont intend to give him a head's up so for now I am pretending everything is "fine", but when I get back (22nd) the s*** will hit the fan. I need to keep as calm an enviroment for my children as I can, changing the locks (however good that might feel) is not the most mature thing to do.

 

I am speaking with the attorney this afternoon so she can advise me on what I should do to insure my financial means etc. He wouldn't pull funds. It would be at the detriment to his children, and however much he is involved with someone else, he is still their father and a good father to them. Even if he did pull funds, he would pay dearly (I sincerely dont think he would). I have other sources of financial means to pull from however much I dont want to do that.

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we have children and he will be with them while I am away for 4 days, and I dont intend to give him a head's up so for now I am pretending everything is "fine", but when I get back (22nd) the s*** will hit the fan. I need to keep as calm an enviroment for my children as I can, changing the locks (however good that might feel) is not the most mature thing to do.

 

I am speaking with the attorney this afternoon so she can advise me on what I should do to insure my financial means etc. He wouldn't pull funds. It would be at the detriment to his children, and however much he is involved with someone else, he is still their father and a good father to them. Even if he did pull funds, he would pay dearly (I sincerely dont think he would). I have other sources of financial means to pull from however much I dont want to do that.

 

I still don't understand what purpose there is in waiting, you already know what he's been up to...

 

Re: changing the locks - it's not a matter of maturity - it's a matter of being smart...and safe!

 

Re: money - don't be so naive to think he won't move the money before you do! Happens all the time when one spouse truly believes - "oh, he/she wouldn't do that to me and the kids"... yes, it happens!

 

Believe me - been there - done that! I speak from experience... only gave you the few tips you may need at the moment, you will need to take action (possibly forgoing your trip)... be smart - and three steps ahead of him at all times...

 

BTW - I was married for 20 years, and yes, they do stab you in the back - even while they stand there saying "I still love you." I was not the one who cheated, I just got tired of him cheating on me. He NEVER thought I would divorce him. When he was returning from a weekend with the OW - I called him and told him "don't bother coming home - the locks have been changed." I had moved money to safeguard me and my kids.

 

He knew he was caught and he couldn't make it better.

 

I still have my self respect though. And I never talk badly about him to the kids, he is still their father and they know they are allowed to love him as much as they want. They respect that I won't put up with being second rate though.

 

Good luck to you.

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Sounds like a good idea to contact her H again.

 

I finished reading thru the other thread you posted and have to wonder why, after all the work he's done to rebuild trust from you, would he tear it all down again? He really made an effort from what you wrote. Or was he only doing a good cover-up job? Did he feel safe now that he was home? Was he maybe only responding to her call? Maybe keep tabs on the keylogger to see what they say.

 

You're situation is just like mine; 9 years together, kids, OW at work, the phone calls.....and the flip-flopping. But your H made a sincere effort it sounds like.

 

Talk to the lawyer but take some time to cool off before doing anything too rash.

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I'm sorry, MILF. That's all. I'm just so sorry this has happened to you.

 

It's such a huge shock to absorb all this and with little ones, too. Quit thinking about what's good for him and think only about yourself and your children.

 

Listen to sunny. Did you ever think your H would have an affair like this? No, you didn't. Get all your financial affairs in order, including insurance policies' beneficiaries. Ask the lawyer about this.

 

And don't tip your hand to him right now. Stealth is your greatest friend until all your ducks are in a row. Then comes the surprise.

 

Prayers for your meeting and your strength.

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I sit here balling my eyes out hardly able to see the keyboard. It sneaks up on you. It really does one memont your fine and the next the tears are there streaming down your face and your sobbing.

 

The consultation was okay. she told me what I needed to know. I didn't cry but I almost did on so many occassions. She said as far as divorces go CT is pretty easy. $3500 retainer and $325 in court fees, to start. He can be served within 2 days of receipt of money. She makes $295/hour. nice huh.

 

I just can't believe it. Can't believe I am going to check the divorced box.......eventually.

 

Guys I cannot express over internet how painful this is. I just can't. Words don't have that power. I cannot believe the amazing and unbelievable support that pours out from everywhere, my cup runneth over. It really does. I am half, okay more then half, balling because I am in shock of my own decision to end this, and totally in shock and awe and overwhelmed with the support.

 

My father gave me the retainer without even really being asked, he just wrote a check and said its there if you need it. You know he was the provider growing up but thats all he was, but now, my cup runneth over. He gave me a book to read, and you know HE a man, said he's just telling you its a friendship, he a man who was married for 30 years with 4 kids, said that. If he could see it how could i not.

 

I spoke to my MIL and swore her to secrecy, she swore she could be sworn and I told her what I did today and my plan. and you know she was nothing but supportive. shes been through this, had a 3 year old when she ended her marriage to a cheater, she said she sees so much of her at that time in her life in me. she wont tell my FIL because god bless him but he can't keep a secret, she was happy it was a women jewish lawyer (she's coverted jewish and works in a jewish law firm in the city) she said they will help ME whenever I need it, whatever I or the girls need they will help. she said they wont be giving him a penny. I dont care if they do and don't know how he will pay for it if they wont. maybe HER will help him. she hopes it will wake him up but is not holding her breath and is completely 150% behind my decision. she knows i tryed best I could.

 

I am so emotional right now. How could I not be.

 

Now just to hold it together till after I get back from seminar so he can be served.....at work. f***ing a**h***. oh and yes I told her I DO NOT want my children bearing witness to it, and that I wanted him served at work. A plain clothes marshall will serve him within 48 hrs of notice.

 

I could write more but it would equate to sobbing more. I am going back to my drink and my nicotine. thank god the kids went down quietly.

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Good for you! I know it's beyond words hard, and I'm crying for you, too. :( :(

 

But this is probably the best thing you've ever done. Just amass the proof and get your $$ in order.

 

Be as wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. You're dealing with a snake now, no matter what he was in the past. If you've not already done so, please, please immediately like first thing in the a.m. open your own bank acct. and cancel any joint credit accts. that are open. People scorned are not sane, no matter how much they love their children, and you're getting ready to scorn big time.

 

Prayers for your peace.

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ok. I am willing to entertain moving money. BUT number 1 we don't have much to move. closing accts. or cutting off HIS access is not a problem (credit accts anyways) but the joint checking is a problem. I have other accts that he does not have access to that I could move them to in a heartbeat but everything is direct deposited into one joint acct. How can I move all that without letting him on? I mean if I serve him (end of the month- towards end of the month anyways) I can move it then, but I promise you there wont be much to move. I wont change beneficiaries on life policies because ultimately its for our children and I want the money with them and they will be with him, I know poeple change but I dont see this. I just dont. besides I think his father (if not everyone else I know) would literally break his legs.

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Are you working outside the home and having your check direct deposited? If so, you can have that direct deposited into your acct. now and not the joint one. Otherwise, you can leave the joint acct. alone. You can move what you and the kids need from your joint acct. to yours, leaving him some. But you don't need to bankroll his new unacceptable life.

 

I'm definitely not saying to be unfair to him financially. I'm just saying protect yourself and your little ones, that's all. My sister got stuck with paying off her XH's $30k credit card debt that ruined her financially for years after her divorce. I know how hard that was and folks like me are just advising you to avoid as much trouble as possible before things get even uglier.

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Virginia Girl

Erika, Reading your thread I felt like I was reading a story about my own life (married 9 years, two small children of our own (we also got custody of his three year old niece - then he left me), he had a "friend" (actually more than a friend as I found empty condom wrappers two weeks ago), etc., etc. I absolutely relate to your ever-changing emotions as mine are doing the same thing - one minute I am strong and the next I am sobbing - the whole thing just sucks so much and if one more person tells me that I am a strong women so I will be just fine, I may just scream. Because I am a strong women, does that make it okay to treat me this way? To break my heart, destroy my trust, lie to me and our children, disrespect me in front of my children, both of our families and the folks at work? I feel your pain, as it is also my pain - damn I hope that it stops soon for both of us. I agree with the posts that advise you to do what is necessary to protect you and your children financially - the lawyer was a good step (Lifetime movies may be fun to watch, but no one wants to be the subject of one :) ). While I told my lawyer to go for it (we shall see how long the gold-digging bar slut lingers when I and my children have everything or pretty close to all of it), I know in my heart that the best "revenge" (I am feeling rather angry as he just got his own place so he took my children away from me (for visitation) for three whole days - it has been so lonely) is to have an extraordinary life that does not involve him so I wish you all the best in that regard and hope it comes our way soon - keep me posted . . . take care.

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sylviaguardian

Hi Milf honey,

 

So sorry it has come to this. I am in the same boat as you. It's hard when it's not what you ever wanted but sometimes we just have to accept a duff hand and try to keep moving. That's what I'm going to do too. At least you will be leaving with a bit of dignity. One day your husband might realise what he has thrown away but by the time that happens, you probably won't care anymore.

 

((( ))))

Sylvia

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Thank you everyone for your kind words.

 

I have ALOT to accomplish over the next few days. I would like to get the retainer check to the bank (in my private acct.) and then get a bank check made and sent to the lawyer BEFORE I leave for a week (nearly) I also want to get her all the financial crap before then and to get her his work schedule so that when I come back its just a phone call, to do it, or maybe I can set-up when it will be done before then. He's being stingy with getting me his schedule. whatever.

 

He called me this morning, he got an email from Directtv (because I am suspending our acct.) and said something along the lines of, I didn't knwo what you were doing thought I would get back to find my bags packed, I of course said no no no thats not what thats about, see you soon honey :)

 

I will only have to keep up my front a few days around him and thankfully he is working at least one of those days.

 

I have a bunch of other things to take care of too in the meantime, to include of course packing and shopping (cause I need stuff for my trip) plus I want to straighten out all the cards make sure he doesn't have access and all that crap.

 

I only wish I could see the look on his face, whew! that would make me feel better even if only momentarily, but at the same time I am already (have already) been disconnecting myself from him. Its weird.

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Milf-

 

I really am sorry that this is still going on.

 

Good for you on contacting the lawyer! I'm so glad your dad was able to help financially. Can you imagine that most people do not have that option. Be thankful you did. Also, if I were you I would put in the papers that he had to pay my legal fees- because of his screwing around etc. That's something to negotiate at any rate. I got $1,000 for atty fees and I was the one who wanted the divorce!

 

Be very careful in talking to your MIL. Sure, she's on your side- but I've been in that situation and let me tell ya- blood is thicker than water. They still may tell him everything you say. Do not trust anyone in his family with secrets!

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Be very careful in talking to your MIL. Sure, she's on your side- but I've been in that situation and let me tell ya- blood is thicker than water. They still may tell him everything you say. Do not trust anyone in his family with secrets!

 

If she told the MIL the cats probably out of the bag already or soon will be. I agree with Ms. Pixie, blood is thicker than a marriage certificate and your talking about divorcing her little boy - she'll probably blab to her son..

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