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Breakthrough


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Hey all

 

The past two months have been difficult for me. My divorce is now two days away, I have struggled over if it was something I really wanted to do. The marriage was mostly wonderful, it ended in a surprisingly sad manner, my filing divorce was a result of being wounded over and over in the past and being fed up with it this final time.

 

With the divorce being so close I have spent the past days waffling over whether or not it was something I actually wanted.

I am a spiritual man, I have taken these circumstances to grow closer to God - I had the opporitunity today to pray for guidance in a very spiritually uplifting place, the house of the Lord. For twenty minutes I prayed to God to help me know if the decision I had made was right. I went in hoping I would walk out with an excuse to put off the divorce, but while I prayed I felt nothing but confirmation that the divorce was a necessary step for my progression.

 

At the very end of my prayers, I got up to leave and my cell phone started to vibrate. I let it go, wanting to wait until I was outside to check who it was. But then it rang again. So I hurried out and saw it was a number I didn't recognize. My immediate reaction was that it must have been my wife, calling from her new cell number (which I have thrown away) ... regardless of the content of her call, I knew that if it was her, I would take it as the sign or an answer to my prayers for guidance as to which route to take.

 

I listened to the voice mail, and it was actually Phyllis, a woman I have come into contact with through a divorce support group I am meeting with. At first I thought, it wasn't my wife, so it's not a sign.

 

Then I realized, it is a perfect sign, again confirming that what I am doing is the right course to follow. I prayed for an answer for 20 minutes, and within 20 seconds, I got this call - Phyllis asked me how I was doing and wanted to confirm I would be at the next meeting - she then said she was praying for me and knew I would be ok.

 

After calling Phyllis back and thanking her for being a conveyor of God's will, I got in the car with my friends and made the two hour drive home. Not once did I second guess my decision. All evening I was able to laugh and have a good time with people, and I came home to an empty house that I know is mine, and that this evening I began filling with new happiness and love.

 

And most importantly, I feel I can finally begin the process of acceptance, which is the last phase of this horrible but necessary grief.

 

It's been a good day

 

Ryan

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If you have begun filling with a new happiness and love, you have certainly made the right decision. Don't think everyday is going to be this great. It takes time to get over a divorce and you will need support. Be sure to go to your support meetings, get counselling if necessary, learn from this experience and don't get into another relationship quickly. Give yourself some time to heal. Nobody ever feels great about a divorce, whether you are the plaintiff or the defendant.

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You're right, it's not over and it will take time.

 

But today I learned there is peace after Marlise. And it feels great :) I feel the upswing of my recovery began, the process now becomes not about changing her, but about improving myself.

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