Asked for a divorce and in love with another guy

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I have been married for 10 years and we have two gorgeous children. We have had some rocky times throughout our entire marriage and I love him but never felt "in love." I have asked for a separation/divorce and he is resisting. We fight a lot. We argue a lot. We have always been this way and I want a break.

 

Unfortunately, in the midst of all of this trouble at home, I met someone. It was not intended, not that this is an excuse, but I really connected with someone like I never thought I could. How foolish of me? I fell for this guy and I have never felt like this before. He is 15 years older than me too. He has been married and divorced a couple of times and God only knows what else.....I tried not to feel like this and even hoped I could control my feelings. It did not work. In the middle of this whirlwhind, his ex-girlfriend or wife one comes back into the picture and he suddenly has her as a houseguest most nights of the week. He says he needs closure from her and that she is never going to change and that he loved her so much at one time. Meanwhile, he feels guilty that I am married and cannot continue. Conveniently, he still wants to see me and be friends, but we have been involved since she came back and since our conversation on being just friends. I do not think I can be just his friend. I hurt because of him. While trying to continue with all of the stress of my own family situation right now, I hurt and wonder and wish I had not been so naieve or vulnerable. How did I go so many years without feeling anything or letting anyone in and meet someone who just turned out to hurt me. I fell for all his lines. I believed in him and my focus is so misguided right now. I need to be focused on what is happening in my marriage and gaining closure from it, but instead I am consumed of thoughts and feelings for another man. How do I let go of him and walk away? What if I never feel "love" again like this? I hate these feelings in me and can see why I protected myself for so long.....

 

My husband is now trying so hard to make me love him and make it work between us. He does not know about my "friend" and I could never tell him. He would harm me or him. He has quite a temper. I wish I could feel differently about him but I don't.

 

So....who knows what to do.....I certainly do not.

 

I really love this other guy and he was so real to me at first. If he could be involved with me and her, he does not care for me, right? Why do we fall for the ones who are not right for us? Why are we attracted to these types?

 

Help......