1AQUARIAN Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Wandering how others told there Ex's it was over while separated, hense wanting a divorce? As I've posted before, We have been separated over six weeks. my husband is an alcoholic, currently going to AA (so he says). I have been going to therapy to see if I could ever forgive him for all the hurt, and trust him again. I don't feel that will ever happen. I feel I have fallen out of love with him. He calls still telling me he loves me, misses me, etc.......He never really seemed "to get" what was going on with me, all the anger, hurt I felt and still do. So, looking to see if any one else had this same issue. I don't want to hurt him as of course after almost 25 yrs of marriage I do care about him, BUT I don't feel for him what a wife should feel for a husband! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Have you attended MC together? Link to post Share on other sites
hannibalking Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Same boat here...would like to know opinions/advice on this as well...except I'm the H. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Actually, it was broken to me. After about six months of pure Hell during which the ex verbally attacked me the moment I walked in the door after work each evening, one night she said those four words that strike terror into every husband, "We have to talk!" She asked me to take her out for a drink. I did so. We ordered martinis and when they arrived, I said, "well, you wanted to talk. It's your nickel." She said she was leaving me, taking our two youngest daughters with her (our other three children were adults and independent) and she'd found a place to live. I asked her when her departure was taking place and she said it would happen in a few days. I then finished my drink, suggested she drink up and told her we were leaving. She asked if I wanted to talk about it and I told her that since her mind was obviously made up and her plans were made, there wasn't much to talk about. That was it except that when I was served, she'd only filed for legal separation. I counter-filed for divorce and the rest is history, as is she and the 25 year marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 After she cheated we seperated and after one day of sitting in the car just stewing over what she had doen I decided to file for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 My exh came home at 9pm on Valentines day, watched an hour of tv with me, then turned to me and said he wanted a divorce. He then proceeded to tell me all these hateful cruel things. How all he's done is give and give to me, and all I've done is take and take, and that I hurt people without even realizing it, it's just WHO I am, and a whole bunch of other cruel things. He proceeded to criticize the way I looked saying I needed a hair cut, and all these other things. How he would stay for a week to teach me how to live on my own. Etc, etc, etc. The only advice I can offer is, do not do it when you are angry. Keep your composure and dignity and dont tell them all the things you hate about them or anything else. Keep it very business like. Yes, it will still hurt, but I honestly did not need to hear how my husband thought i was a cruel mean selfish person and thought I was ugly, meanwhile he met a "friend". His words haunted me for months, and even a year later, still do. And there were times I had to fight myself to not commit suicide. So please, even if your husband hurt you and you detest him, do not tell him. It wont make you feel any better, and it might even destroy him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Are you attending Al Anon?? That would be an excellent place to start as there are people there who have been through what you've been through. You can get some excellent support there, I promise you. Find a local meeting and best of all, it should be free! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1AQUARIAN Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Thanks for the replies! In answer to some questions.I HAVE attende alanon. I haven't gone for a few weeks though, didn't seem like it was "for me". I AM going to counseling, have been for several months. Suggested to my husband he do the same to understand why he drinks, he finds excuses not to go. He DID suggest marriage counseling. BUT, I don't think this is appropriate at this point, as I'm not sure if I still want to be married. I really feel the emotional relationship is gone now. I care for him, love him, BUT not as a wife should! I don't trust him, that's a big part of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
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