silverado Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I cant believe there it a place for this on the net.....I thought I was the only one. So here goes....I am 33 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 11 years and have two beautiful daughters. I recently got my wife plastic surgery (boobs etc) and soon after she became very distant. I finally started questioning here as to what the problem was, and she said that she did not love me anymore and wanted out of the marriage. I was devastated...had no idea about this. After a week of thought, I sat here down to discuss the matter further. She finally admitted to having a boyfriend that she "has not had sex with", but has been on dates while I watched the children. Said she was going out with her friends. She says that this has been going on for 6 mos and that he makes her feel special. I have done everything for this woman! I feel betrayed and like the world is crashing down.....panic strickened to say the least. I have been trying to tell her that we can deal with this and move on...with professional help of course. We went to one counselor together (who said she has major issues), then she decided that she would go alone and that there is no use in trying to save the marriage. Since she has no job, I have offered to let her live in the house until she gets on her feet (for the childrens sake). Its unbelieveable to me how someone could do this not only to their spouse, but to the children. Well she said that she would stop seeing the guy until the divorce is final, but I recently found (from her) that she is still talking to him on the phone...at least thats all she will admit. So I have filed for divorce and will be serving the papers soon. This is the hardest damn thing I have ever faced in my entire life! I am going through roller coaster emotions..acceptance, anger, fear, self pity, self hate, extreme sorrow etc. it is very painful and I feel so alone even though I have family helping me through. Life just plain sucks sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 So sorry to hear that your wife done that to you after you payed money to get her stuff boobs etc!! That really sucks and i hate to say this but she would have to go kids or not !! She had no consideration for you when she was going out with her lover .. i would kick her to the curb that is so wrong what she did to you!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverado Posted December 7, 2005 Author Share Posted December 7, 2005 The plastic surgery thing is on the bottom of my list , I probably shouldnt habe mentioned it, but I read somewhere that there is a high percentage of women that do this after PS. I wish that I could "kick her to the curb", but I have done nothing but try to win her back for a month now. It seems that every time she senses me getting strong enough to imagine life on my own, she opens up a little bit. Not alot but just enough to see if I am still there for her. I dont know what to do..I have to give her the papers tonight, this is what she wants...she has told me so. But still I try, still I hold the hope that things will change. Why am I doing this to myself? I want to be strong, but even as I write this the pain is almost unbearable. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I think that I need help Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I'm sorry to say this to you but get a backbone and let her know that you don't need her !! Quit phinning over her and make her think you don't care once she see you have moved on an excepted that it is over and you give her the divorce papers she will know you mean buisness !! If it is meant to be she will be back i promise if not then she never was and you have to except it and move on !! It will be hard but you can do it!! That does not kill us makes us stronger!! You will be fine ... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 It seems that every time she senses me getting strong enough to imagine life on my own, she opens up a little bit. Not alot but just enough to see if I am still there for her. First off I am sorry to hear you have such pain in your life at this time. From your above quote it would seem she is attracted to you when you are feeling "strong". I would suggest that you get on with your life (easier said than done) I would suggest you seek professional help at this point and do a lil ole PS on yourself but not on your boobies but on your brain. You are going to be running the emotional gauntlet here soon. You need friends and a support system around you. I is obvious you are hurt and want this person back in your life but, why not work on yourself a bit so you have the strength to deal with it and the strength to deal with her if she does come back. After awhile you may discover that you really don't want her back in your life. a4a Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 ... I have done nothing but try to win her back for a month now. It seems that every time she senses me getting strong enough to imagine life on my own, she opens up a little bit. Not alot but just enough to see if I am still there for her. I think that you may have answered your own question. When you make attempts to woo her back, she pushes away; but when you withdraw, the comes closer. From what I read here, it's seems clear to me that she's manipulating you, even if she's doing it unconsciously. I am sincerely sorry that she is putting you through this, but a4a (as usual) is right on: Do some work on your own internal strengths so you will be better able to manage the result, whether it's divorce or you stay together. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Counseling..... If she wants to work on the marriage it's marriage counseling and no contact with the other guy. She opens up her cell, her e mail etc to you. My husband went through this with his exwife. They had only been married a couple of years though. She was pregnant by the OM before their divorce was final. He did counseling alone for quite a bit of time and he really learned alot. Also, google Why Women Leave Men. It will tell you alot. Link to post Share on other sites
MIOSBORNE Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Wow!! Your situation is eerily similar to mine. You are absolutely right to be strong and not whine or beg her to stay. I have done so with my wife and she is starting to open up and wonder what I am up to. Do the same, even if this doesn''t win her back it saves your dignity and makes you stronger. Like you, my wife is not working and plans to leave after the holidays. It does anger you that you are taking care of this person and they can do this to you. What's more ironic is that this OM would not do the same. Take care and move on while she is still there. Link to post Share on other sites
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