children's responsibility during separation

[arcoiris]

My H and I are emotionally separated, although still have the commitment mainly for our son who is 10. Is it OK for him to use his weekends to spend time w/friends in different cities? He alreay travels every weekday -- works in different cities during the week -- but usually comes back on the weekend. Now he is spending the weekend with his friends and wants to do it more often. The main problem is that I am the one that is taking care of our son during the week and then now in the weekends too. Also that I have little time for myself because I work A LOT 60+ week, plus take care of our son every single extra hour.

However the issue is that we moved to this city like a year ago because of my job, and he hates the city and has no friends here.

So should I push for him to come in the weekends, and take charge of our son? Or should I ignore the issue given that if a complete separation takes place it will be like this anyways?

I am probably the most responsible for being so separated.

[Hot Coco]

My H and I are emotionally separated, although still have the commitment mainly for our son who is 10. Is it OK for him to use his weekends to spend time w/friends in different cities? He alreay travels every weekday -- works in different cities during the week -- but usually comes back on the weekend. Now he is spending the weekend with his friends and wants to do it more often. The main problem is that I am the one that is taking care of our son during the week and then now in the weekends too. Also that I have little time for myself because I work A LOT 60+ week, plus take care of our son every single extra hour.

However the issue is that we moved to this city like a year ago because of my job, and he hates the city and has no friends here.

So should I push for him to come in the weekends, and take charge of our son? Or should I ignore the issue given that if a complete separation takes place it will be like this anyways?

I am probably the most responsible for being so separated.

 

This is so sad. Neither one of you are spending enough time with this young boy. Very sad. You BOTH need to sit down and talk. You BOTH need to spend more time with this boy or he will start to act out and get in trouble at school (if he already isn't.) Can't you cut your work hours? And what does the fact that you're responsible for the separation have to do with your son's father becoming an absent father. So sad all the way around.

 

Good luck and I really hope things work out for you for the sake of this child.

[arcoiris]

Thank you for your reply Hot coco.

I am doing as much as I can to spend time with my son. I spend 3 hours every night with him, I take him to violin lessons on saturday, cook for him dinner every night. I feel sometimes its not enough, specially because we have NO family around. But I organized for him to be in the best school possible, spend the afternoons with the best nanny I could find and try to call him every afternoon.

I have a very competitive career that is extremeley important for me as well, which is male dominated, and where the people generally have no children (I am the only junior person at work with kids because I had him when I was 19) , or wives at home with the children. I cannot cut my hours if I want to make it in this career. And even now, I work less than most people.

I am generally overwhelmed by the situation, and I feel bad because my H travels during the week, plus I dont want to be with him anymore. However I feel extremely guilty about taking away his father even more so than now. And I dont know if I should push him to still come the weekends. Should I push him to still come the weekends even if we are not together anymore? Anyone with experience in children's responsibility division after separation when both parents live in different cities/states?

[Hot Chocolate]

Of course you should "push" him to see his child. Your son is probably feeling very insecure right now because of this separation and the fact that you're husband isn't taking the time to see him is adding to your child's feelings of insecurity. It's really sad though that you have to "push" your husband to see his own child. But if that's what you have to do, you should do it for the sake of your son.