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Hi all!! Just found this place to day, lots of great info.

 

My situation is this. My wife has been unhappy on and off...... well forever! She's had emotionall issues since child hood and has even spent a short time in a hospital because of them. I knew this when I married her but since having our first child (only biological, we've also addopted two) 5 years ago she has definatley changed. We have had our difficulties like most marriages but she is VERY non confrontational and breaks down in just the most basic commutication or conflict so non of our problems have ever really been work out but just sort of ignored. Anyways she has recently (3-4 months ago) started talking about seperation and devorce. She has expressed to her mom and step dad as far back as a year ago her being unhappy with me. Her mom has been up front with her by telling her she thinks she is mentally ill (bypolor to be spacific) and other in both our family's feel the same way, but by being up front with her my wife has now blocked my mother inlaw out and will not communicte with her anymore. Just a very sad side note, my mother inlaw is dying from conjestive heart failure and found out last week she may have breast cancer, but my wife is in total denial and refuses to make things right with her strained relationship with her mom. I moved out for 10 days recentley and she invited me back into the home on sort of a trial basis I guess. For the last three weeks things have been great (no sex but sleeping in the same bed) and ive treated her like gold, witch she deserves to be treated no other way. Theres been no abuse in our marriage, she does think I talk down to her and am verbal with her yet no one else around us sees it. We have been going to counceling with a doctor of Phsycology and now things may have took a turn for the worse. The counceler has on numerouse occations ask my wife to get on medication for depression yet she refuses, stating shes not depressed unless she's around me, her mother or people who bring her down, otherwise shes a happy person. Now remember things have been going good the last few weeks and our home would seem a happy one and were trying to work our our marriage, until Monday night counciling. My wife continued in counseling to put up a wall and say nothing except she was angry with me for changing and becoming such a great husband and father when she was finally strong enough to leave me, and now she feels the kids and her need me. I have change through all that weve been going through by being more up beat and attentive to her and the kids, but ive allways been a good husband, provider and father as everyone around us keeps reminding her of. Since she was unwilling to talk in counceling on Monday the phsyciatrist told her she would back off her assesments of my wife by not recomending medication for depression or metioning anything about her being mentally ill if she would open up to me and the phsyciatrist on her own. Well that did it! My wife was crying and very upset. The next night my wife began to talk about devorce again and how everyone is against her and ive won over the phsyciatrist now too and she cant believe that anyone would think anythings wrong with her and she feels personally attact by the phsyciatrist. She mentioned seperating again and I told her she has family and freinds here in town (mines all far away) to go to and id support her 100% if she wanted to do that to get her thoughts togeather, she agreed and was going to go stay with a freind after she put the kids down the fallowing night witch was last night. I get a call at 4:20 from her before leaving from work to ask if I was going to the gym and to tell me she decided to not go to her freinds and just stay home instead. I get home from the gym and she had dinner made and we layed in bed and picked out a new shandelire she liked for our dining room our of a magazine. She's talked in the last few weeks about us finishing our house and bying something else cheeper togeather and other things like this and then next thing shes talking devorce again!!! and the back the other way!!!! Now I will say she says shes still VERY attracted to me but the last thin on her mind is sex, she doesnt even please herself anymore. Im just concerned about saving our merraige, I love her to death and cant imagine loosing her and of course what the kids would go through!!! The addoption on two of our children (siblings) was just final the end of June!! Anyone with advice PLEASE speak up. I took her flowers to work today and left a voice message for her telling her how buitifull she is and how much I love her and that she means the world to me. Im so confused about this and know she loves me but is just too angry with me to feel love, I went to the phsyciatrist yesterday on my own and she feels the same way but feels unless my wife deals with her issues our marriage is in trouble, and she feels my wife may run away from it and devorce would be easyer for her than to face her problems. Sorry for the novel and horrible spelling but im a little emotionally charged as you all might imagine. Thank you so much for any advice/input you can offer to me!!!!

 

Oh so sorry I forgot to mention we've been married for 9 years as of Sept 1st and together 11 as of Sept 15th.

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You can't push her to accept your changes. First things that I tell all husbands whose wives are leaving- Purchase the books "Love Must be tough" by James Dobson and "Winning back your wife" by Gary Chapman.

 

I was in your wifes shoes, but without the extreme mental illness. The Love must be tough book- well, everything it tells you not to do in this book my exhusband did. It pushed me away. Please read it.

 

Also, google Walk Away Wife Syndrome.

 

You cannot overdo it with the affection and stuff. It's perfectly normal for you to be like, oh, I know what's wrong and she's going to leave and for you to try to hold on with everything you've got- completely change how you've treated her for the last few years- and expect for her to be amazed at your changes and willing to work on the marriage. The reality is that she's going to need to adjust to the new you and overdoing it will push her in the other direction.

 

For instance- my exhusband never called me during the day. All of a sudden when I said I wanted to separate he was calling me five times a hour. He would never have conversation with me at night- he would just sit and watch TV and yell at me if I spoke to him. All of a sudden he wanted to sit beside me on the couch and give me all this affection and stay up until two am talking. WTF? What I needed was for him to show me gradually how he was changing and win me over. Instead he went overboard and it made me sick and I felt it was fake and I went the other way.

 

I'm rambling but I hope a little of what I'm saying is making sense. Good luck to you!

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You can't push her to accept your changes. First things that I tell all husbands whose wives are leaving- Purchase the books "Love Must be tough" by James Dobson and "Winning back your wife" by Gary Chapman.

 

I was in your wifes shoes, but without the extreme mental illness. The Love must be tough book- well, everything it tells you not to do in this book my exhusband did. It pushed me away. Please read it.

 

Also, google Walk Away Wife Syndrome.

 

You cannot overdo it with the affection and stuff. It's perfectly normal for you to be like, oh, I know what's wrong and she's going to leave and for you to try to hold on with everything you've got- completely change how you've treated her for the last few years- and expect for her to be amazed at your changes and willing to work on the marriage. The reality is that she's going to need to adjust to the new you and overdoing it will push her in the other direction.

 

For instance- my exhusband never called me during the day. All of a sudden when I said I wanted to separate he was calling me five times a hour. He would never have conversation with me at night- he would just sit and watch TV and yell at me if I spoke to him. All of a sudden he wanted to sit beside me on the couch and give me all this affection and stay up until two am talking. WTF? What I needed was for him to show me gradually how he was changing and win me over. Instead he went overboard and it made me sick and I felt it was fake and I went the other way.

 

I'm rambling but I hope a little of what I'm saying is making sense. Good luck to you!

 

You sound like my wife. I guess it does take time and work to show women that you have changed. And my wife has put the divorce on hold, for now. She still is nuts :) But I love her.

 

She men think fixing stuff should take about a week at most, I know. Seems it can take so much longer.

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Well, considering I did everything- including tell him I would have an affair or leave him if he didn't start treating me better before I actually did it, yeah.

 

He had promised to change so many times in the past and he just wouldn't stick to it. I couldn't stick to being married to him either! :D

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Thank you so much for the input. I know i have to prove to her over time that ive changed before she'll trust me again, and im prepared for the long haul so long as she'll continue to stay with me. I am continuing to treat her kindly and with respect. I tell her how buitiful she is all the time and that I am there for her. Im trying not to over due it although I did take her the flowers at work yesterday and brought her tickets for the montser truck thing tonight she wanted to take the kids to, so were all going and shes very excited about it. Thing is she is starting to cuttle up to me at night and did last night. I was very complementery to her about how good she looked without makeup on yesterday when I got home from work and when she was trimming my hair (had my shirt off) she mentioned how good I looked and how much weight id lost. I joked, almost good enough to have sex with? and we both laughed a bit and she said you know its not physical, im very attracted to you. An hour of so later she told me she was sorry for not being affectionate and that she just doesnt know why she doesnt feel like having sex at this point. I told her please dont worry or feel pressured and if me being complementery to her makes her uncomfortable or pressured please tell me and i'll stop, she said no she likes it. Im very confused at this point in what direction she wants to go or if she even really knows? But im just going to be patiant and supportive for as long as it takes. I have allways made it a point to call my wife at least once or twice a day and say hi (she's mostly stay at home) and see how shes doing. Ive allways been attentive in ways to her and done things like sending her flowers to work, having a bubble bath made up for her with candles and buying her little things to show her I care. Problem is I didnt tell her enough how much I care or how buitiful I think she is.

Mz. Pixie, if you feel im doing to much please say so, I could really use your advice. My wife in councelling has mentioned that shes amazed by the changes ive made and is very please with them, but that she is worried i'll revert back to my old way of not meating her needs/expectations. Thanks again for the input.

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I think you are doing great. She would probably tell you if it were too much. I tried to tell my exh to back off but he just wouldn't. If she thinks you're changing thumbs up.

 

You just have to prove to her that this is a way of life for you from now on. Not just to get her back. Remember it took years for your marriage to get this way, it won't be fixed overnight. Good luck!

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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49359/

 

Perhaps you should have a look at my story here bkz. Alot of the same elements you mention. Wife with psychological issues she refused to accept. Anyone even suggested she needed help she got very ugly and defensive.

 

I will warn you though, my marriage was not saved. But sometimes you see that as a good thing after awhile.

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Devildog, I will read your thread today when I get a chance, thanks!

I talked with our phsycologist this morning and told her I thought mabey it would be better to address our marrital problems at this point rather that our childhood one, as its causing my wife to want to run. She agreed thats the only way my wife would continue councelling is if our marriage worked, but at this point feels my wife wants out. My wife called me 10 minutes later to ask about counselling tonight (we have an appointment scedualled) and to see if I could call for a sitter so we could go. I ask her what she thought of Dr..... and she said she thinks she concentrating too much on our childhood issues and not on our problems with our marriage!!! WOW were on the same page it seems. I told her of my conversation with Dr. and asked if she'd like to start seing somone else, possibley a christian counseller as we are chritians. She said she coulndt think about that right now cause shes dropping the boys off at school and shed get back to me later, and for now lets just keep our appointment tonight. Man am I on an amotionall ride, she has been calling me honey more including whe she called me this morning and last night she was rubbing my back on the couch and being very effectionate. Again any input is appritiated!! THanks!

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You are going to read my thread today? You must have alot of time on your hands!:lmao: :lmao:

 

Sorry, just my story is about 24 pages long, Well over 300 posts. Not a quick read. But most people say it helps them. Hopefully it can give you some insight. You seem to be in a more promising situation than I was.

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You are going to read my thread today? You must have alot of time on your hands!:lmao: :lmao:

 

Sorry, just my story is about 24 pages long, Well over 300 posts. Not a quick read. But most people say it helps them. Hopefully it can give you some insight. You seem to be in a more promising situation than I was.

 

WOW that is a long thread, i'll get in a little reading when I get a chance! :)

I'll tell you I gotta get a grip!! I came home from work early to watch the kids so my wife could go to her ENT to redoe her meds, she has a mastoid and the predizone she's on for it gives her MAJOR panic/anxiety. Anyhow I get here and shes like allways running way late and is majorly stressed out. She wants to know whats up for councelling tonight and I tell her we've got a sitter and can go. She also informs me she's not willing to see a chrisitan counselor and I tell her its a licensed phsycologist whos allso a christian, but shes not interested at this time and seems very erratated with me. I tried talking to her and told her that in our conversation the other night her dad agreed it would mabye be a good idea to switch councelors but only if Kristi would agree, obviously shed have to. Well her tone sorta changed after that and we talked a bit about our displesure for Dr. who keeps talking more about the problems from our past than now, then she griped about some bills and how she cant find anything because I dont put it in the right place and hurried of for appointment she was allready late for. Any ideas on what I should try and talk about tonight in our councelling with Dr.? Im at a loss and obviously having a hard time coping with things so im sure i'll draw a blank in there tonight. HELP if you can!!

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It is imperative that you find a counselor that you are both comfortable with. It might take trying a number of them before you find one that works for both of you. Some of them take a more combative style and believe in getting everything out in the open right away. Others like to let things build on their own. All of us have different personalities so a counselor that fits one person will not be helpful for others. That is why you need to find one you are both comfortable with.

 

In regards as to what you should discuss tonight, I can't tell you that. You are the one in there. Maybe it will help to ask what she needs from you. Listen patiently, don't get defensive. Have an open mind. That is the best advice I can give without knowing everything that is going on with your situation.

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You can't push her to accept your changes. First things that I tell all husbands whose wives are leaving- Purchase the books "Love Must be tough" by James Dobson and "Winning back your wife" by Gary Chapman.

 

I was in your wifes shoes, but without the extreme mental illness. The Love must be tough book- well, everything it tells you not to do in this book my exhusband did. It pushed me away. Please read it.

 

Also, google Walk Away Wife Syndrome.

 

You cannot overdo it with the affection and stuff. It's perfectly normal for you to be like, oh, I know what's wrong and she's going to leave and for you to try to hold on with everything you've got- completely change how you've treated her for the last few years- and expect for her to be amazed at your changes and willing to work on the marriage. The reality is that she's going to need to adjust to the new you and overdoing it will push her in the other direction.

 

For instance- my exhusband never called me during the day. All of a sudden when I said I wanted to separate he was calling me five times a hour. He would never have conversation with me at night- he would just sit and watch TV and yell at me if I spoke to him. All of a sudden he wanted to sit beside me on the couch and give me all this affection and stay up until two am talking. WTF? What I needed was for him to show me gradually how he was changing and win me over. Instead he went overboard and it made me sick and I felt it was fake and I went the other way.

 

I'm rambling but I hope a little of what I'm saying is making sense. Good luck to you!

 

I went and bought/read "love must be tough" and I ordered a book Divorce Remedy as well.

Thanks you for the suggestions, the book love must be tough was very helpfull.

Just an update for anyone interested: My wife talked to a freind of her moms and kinda a second mom to her growing up this weekend when she was on her trip and mentioned on Sunday when she got home they had a great talk. I chatted with this person yesterday as well. Turns out this freind is encouraging my wife to try and give me a chance and try to make things work or she me regret it later. She said my wife told her she is afraid she may be making a mistake and could regret it if she ends our marriage. This freind told me she really thinks my wife needs her space and has offered her home shes not living in to my wife but she doesnt want to leave the comfort of our home or the kids to take the time for herself she needs. I have no where to go myself and everyone thinks the kids would be better off at this point with me here, of course we wouldnt tell that to my wife shed flipp!!!!! Kinda a tough situation. The night she came home from the trip I had all the laundry done dinner made and the kids ready for bed, she seemed to appritiate it very much. At dinner she rubbed my back and thanked me and said she was soooo happy to be home, she really seemed relaxed and I guess the talk mabye made her look at things differantly in a way? I dunno? She called me the fallowing morning and said, hi honey hows it going? first time in months shes called me honey on the phone and actually sounded like she was in a good mood!! Things at home last night were very nice, we put the kids down and had dinner togeather on the floor in front of the fire alone and talked, nothing seriouse just her asking about how work was for me and about some of her meds for her health problems. She was also very short with me when I got home yesterday as she was running late for her DR appointment and she appologised for that while we were eating dinner and said she was acting like a bitch and was sorry. Does anyone have anything they can add? Im really wondering whats going on inside her and what I should do to give her some space or if thats something that would be benificial at this point since things seem to be going well? Her best freind (the daughter of the second mom she had the talk with last weekend) is coming to town this weekend and im going to watch the kids so they and a couple other freind can have a girls night our Friday, hopefully that'll be good for her. She offered to watch the kids so I could go our Saturday night but I wasnt up for that and she knows I dont really like to go out to bars much, so she suggested I go up to the cabin (a place we have close by for family outings) and she'll meet me up there on saturday but im not sure if we'll do that either. I felt good about the offer though. Am I reading too much into every little thing at this point? It feels like it? But there are so many more possitives happening now than negatives im beggining to have more hope. Am I just setting myself up? Oppinions at this point are VERY valuable to me if anyone has one to share, thanks again!!!

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Sounds like she might have been getting overwhelmed by life. It seems like she really responded to having a chance to get away over the weekend, and coming home and you having things already taken care of so she didn't have to deal with it.

 

Is the space she is asking for at this time to get away from you, or maybe just to get a rest from all the daily things that might have been overwhelming her?

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I am so glad you two are making the effort and wanting to get help ..I think when someone has a affair it can make or break a marriage as long as the two of you are willing to work through it. I still have issues with trusting my h after he cheated.. We went to counseling and the counselor stepped onmy h 's toes when the counselor mentioned his childhood and his dad .. This is a very sore subject and alot of people that have childhood problems can bring it to a relationship and cause problems because the can't love theirselves when they still haven't worked through their childhood issues.. I guess till my h quit being an ass and go back to counseling we will never get to that point of making it .. He says all the time he is waiting for me to move foward and get out of the past but i feel that if you don't work out what happened in the past it will be that like a sore that never heals

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Sounds like she might have been getting overwhelmed by life. It seems like she really responded to having a chance to get away over the weekend, and coming home and you having things already taken care of so she didn't have to deal with it.

 

Is the space she is asking for at this time to get away from you, or maybe just to get a rest from all the daily things that might have been overwhelming her?

 

 

Devildog, im pretty sure the time away would be time away from me as she's mentioned sepperation a few times and even thought about leaving to stay with a freind last week but that never happend. I think she wants the me to leave so she can stay with the kids and have her space to think things out but im not willing to leave the home again espessially with her imotional state and physical problems shes having at this time. This morning she was up real early trying to pay bills but ended up falling asleep on the couch instead. When I came out she seemed irratated with me and mentioned she thinks alot of her health problems are stress related (im thinking she means our situation). I told her then we need to sit down and talk about how to ease some of her stess and she changed the subject right away and was a bit less short with me. She has an appointment with here ENT today regarding her mastoid and invited me to come along so I may take a couple hours off work and show up, I just dont want to crowd her but she did invite me to go and I am concerned. One other thing and this is a doosy. My wife has mentioned recentely that one side of her chin is beginning to droop a bit, of course I tell her its not and I dont notice it, well it actually is slightly and its on the same side as the pain she gets in her face. In bed a couple of nights ago she was looking through one of her medical books and said she has whats called noralga? (thats what the doctors say as well) and she also has symtoms of MS!! Now this is not related to the mastoid or the facit joint injections shes had to get. I wonder how much affect all this has on what we're going through right now? Also is anyone famillier with the sleeping pill Ambiem? She takes this every night (and has been for some time) as she cant sleep without it. It used to make her horny but now she just seems real relaxed (kinda druged up) and she becomes more affectionate with me, only to wake up in the morning back to her same cold, distant self. Anyone with any info please let me know, thanks!!!

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I am so glad you two are making the effort and wanting to get help ..I think when someone has a affair it can make or break a marriage as long as the two of you are willing to work through it. I still have issues with trusting my h after he cheated.. We went to counseling and the counselor stepped onmy h 's toes when the counselor mentioned his childhood and his dad .. This is a very sore subject and alot of people that have childhood problems can bring it to a relationship and cause problems because the can't love theirselves when they still haven't worked through their childhood issues.. I guess till my h quit being an ass and go back to counseling we will never get to that point of making it .. He says all the time he is waiting for me to move foward and get out of the past but i feel that if you don't work out what happened in the past it will be that like a sore that never heals

 

Thank you for sharing this with me. I too think that childhood stuff (and theres alot of it between the two of us!!!!) needs to be addressed in order for things to work our long term in a marriage. Its just in our case now it seems to be driving my wife away becuase shes feeling guilty/defensive about her past and really doesnt think she needs to deal with it. Id rather try to save our marriage at this point then deal more with the past issues after I regained her trust and her hart so we can be there for each other while we work through those issues that have nothing to do with one another. Fortunatley there was no affair in our marriage to this point, if there was it would be a much more difficult thing to deal with for sure!

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Ambien is not to be taken every night and is addictive so she needs to get off of this. When she's at this doctor she needs to discuss this.

 

The drooping of her face can also be caused by Bells Palsy. Google that. It's harmless and disappears on it's own.

 

Is your wife a hypochondriac?? Sounds like she might be a bit. My mom was like this and had every illness under the sun. I myself hate to go to the dr now because of her......

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I am so glad there was no affairs involved that for sure would make it worst..I think everything will work out once she gets through her issues .. Hang in there for her and just be there for her cause she is going to need while she is trying to work through these feelings..Good luck i will keep u in my prayers!!!:):D:bunny:

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Ambien is not to be taken every night and is addictive so she needs to get off of this. When she's at this doctor she needs to discuss this.

 

The drooping of her face can also be caused by Bells Palsy. Google that. It's harmless and disappears on it's own.

 

Is your wife a hypochondriac?? Sounds like she might be a bit. My mom was like this and had every illness under the sun. I myself hate to go to the dr now because of her......

 

Thanks for that info, i'll look into bells palsy for her. Funny you should mention the hypochondriac thing!! She asked the ENT yesterday if he thought she was a hypochondriac since theres so many things wrong with her and they've had a hard time finding anything most of the time. He just kinda laughed it off and told her to just concentrate on what he was trying to do for her as its the most important of her health problems. Also my wifes grandmother was a hypochondriac and ended up living the latter part of her life out in a hospital because of it.

 

Well yesterday was a big day. I went to the ENT with her, and as we're sitting in the room waiting for the doctor my wife is complaining to me about the resentment and anger she feels towards her mother. My phone rings and it my mother inlaw, she tells me she has breast cancer and they'll be discussing treatment imediately. I hand the phone to my wife (mother inlaw doesnt know im with her) and she tells her mom things will be fine and god has a plan. I advise my wife later to go to work and get her mind off things and i'll pick the kids up and take them to a friends to play. When I picked the kids up from her work I tell her that dinner is in the freezer for her for when she gets home if were not there. She says, did you buy me an ice cream cake!! Yes I did and some wine as well please enjoy it. Thing is when ever something bad happens or a really tough day she likes to have ice cream cake for dinner so I thought this would be appropriate. She got home very late and chatted with her aunt on the phone, then woke me up to come have cake and wine with her, wich was nice and thanked me for the great advice about going to work as it really helped her keep her mind off things (mostly mother I think) for a while.This morning when I was getting in the shower she thanked me for being there for her and taking care of the kids while shes been falling appart. After I get out of the shower (shes in bed) I rubbed the top of her head and kiss her on the cheak and say thank you, she says for what? I say just for being you, your very special. She thought that was very sweet and thanked me again. I came back in before I left to take the kids to school and told her have a nice day sweety with my hand on her leg and she rubbed my arm at the same time and said you to honey i'll call you later. I feel so many possitive things happening right now, but im affraid I may be mis-reading her? I know we've made alot of progress since just last Tuesday night she mentioned divorce and custody of the kids but its seems to have happend in such a short time it seems to good to be true? I know ive been changing and making improvements since before I moved back in a few weeks ago but its mostly felt like one step forward and a couple back to me most the time till she came home from her trip sunday night and started acting differant. Please!!!! What do you all think?

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I am so glad there was no affairs involved that for sure would make it worst..I think everything will work out once she gets through her issues .. Hang in there for her and just be there for her cause she is going to need while she is trying to work through these feelings..Good luck i will keep u in my prayers!!!:):D:bunny:

 

lilmoma, thank you so much for the advice and the prayers they mean so much to me and my family.

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Things sound good. I'm sorry I'm just now posting, I just saw that you had replied.

 

Your wife sounds very messed up. The meds, illnesses and her mother!

 

GIve her a little bit and then set a time for discussion about how she thinks the marriage is going. Say, let's not talk about it for two weeks but in two weeks I want to talk about how you're feeling towards our marriage.

 

I will also say a prayer for you. Often times after reading posts like yours and over at another site I visit and giving advice and listening, I'm overwhelmed with sadness for the people, although I don't know them in real life. Yours is just such a situation.

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Things sound good. I'm sorry I'm just now posting, I just saw that you had replied.

 

Your wife sounds very messed up. The meds, illnesses and her mother!

 

GIve her a little bit and then set a time for discussion about how she thinks the marriage is going. Say, let's not talk about it for two weeks but in two weeks I want to talk about how you're feeling towards our marriage.

 

I will also say a prayer for you. Often times after reading posts like yours and over at another site I visit and giving advice and listening, I'm overwhelmed with sadness for the people, although I don't know them in real life. Yours is just such a situation.

 

Mz. Pixie, thanks for the reply! As of late neither of us talk about the marriage. Things are just kinda moving along and im sorta happy about how they are going so im not real eager to bring up anything negative with her. Mabye this isnt good? We do have counceling on Tuesday night but havent talked about that. Yesterday she had to get her hair done so she met me in the parking lot of the gym to drop the kids off to me. She (surprise!!!) was running way late and was in a (surprise!!!) huge hurry. :) She kinda rubbed my shoulder and said shed se me later. A half hour later durring my workout she called and said she was sorry if she was cold/distant towards me in the parking lot but she was just in a big hurry. I think her appologising and taking notice lately of how she treats me is a good sign, am I wrong? Last night was great we talked in bed and had a real good laugh with each other before we went to sleep.

 

A side note. I stayed with freinds of ours (married) while we sepperated recently. Our freinds (lets call them Linda and Dave) who I stayed with have a good freind (whom my wife has met) thats going through a devorce, lets call her Jill. My wife knows ive been around Jill and has accused me of having an affair with her, she really knows thats waaaaayyyyy out of caracter for me but continues to mention her anyways and says she knows me and Jill have talke about our situation and theres and cosolled(SP?) each other. Just so everyone here knows, me and Jill have hardly spoken to each other!! BUT, she has come on to me and made me feel uncomfortable to where I had to leave. I will NOT let her have an impact on my working things out with my wife or make me feel uncomfortable. Since then ive told my freinds I cant come over if she's there. The one time Jill was there and my wife asked when I got home if she was, I said yes and thats why im home early so you wont think anythings going on with us. Anyways, when I get home from being over at there house she'll ask me, so hows Jill? I say I dont know call Linda and find out, what you havent seen her? Nope, she wasnt there, she says, ok if you say so. Shes also mentioned she thinks me, Jill, Linda and Dave would probley have a great time hanging out togeather and she feels like shed just be a fifth wheel! HUH!?? Wed. night in bed (I was at Linda and Daves again earlyer that night) she ask so hows Linda's freind?(refering to Jill) I say I dont know I havent seen her you should call over there and ask Linda how she is. She says, are you lying to me? I say no, you know I dont lie, she says ok and gos to sleep. She hasnt mentioned it the last couple of days. Does she really think something could be going on? Or mabye she hoping/pushing for it so she'll have a REAL reason to end are marriage or get rid of some guilt of her own? I have lost weight, been going to the gym every day (pretty much) switch the type of underwear I wear (briefs to boxer briefs), mabye too much info?:D;) And really been upbeat and taking care of myself and the kids. Were do you think she's going with her ?'ing me on this?

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Everyone I really need some input if possible, im real confused about what the heck shes thinking. Heres what happend this weekend.

 

On Saturday she ask if I wanted to talk about things, finally. So we talked, she said there was a time a few months ago she wanted out period and when I moved out for a short time last month she had no intentions of ever letting me back in. She said when I left it was a relief and sh felt a sense of freedom. She says at times when im around she has a nervouse/uncomfortable feeling in her stomach but not as much now as before, she has this feeling around other people as well and has mentioned it to me in the past. Again she says she loves the changes ive made and that I just have so much to offer, good job, excellent insurance (witch she has to have will all her medical issues buy the way), great father, good looking, ect...... and that it would probley be easyer for her just to try and stay married. I told her the feeling in her stomach is just temporary and with some GOOD marriage counceling we could work our problems out and start a new better than ever marriage, and if that doesnt work then we'd have no choice but to look at ending our marriage, but she pretty unresponsive, at this point shes not saying yes or no.

 

Heres another thing. She asked if id had an affair, and of course I said no. I asked her the same and she said no. She told me she had someone show her how to check the history on my computer (shes computer illiterate) and she also check caller id and hit redial on the phone to see whove ive been talking to in the past year or so. She also told me she has fallowed me on a couple of occations to see what I was up to. Also she thought id been telling her how biutiful I think she is lately because I slepped with Jill and it made me realized how good I really have it with her. We had a nice family nigh with movies and dinner saturday night and when everyone went to be at 9:00 I went out with some freinds and my father inlaw to a bar, I got home at 2:15am and she asked me a couple of times if I had a good time. I caught her that night before I left checking my cell phone, she said she heard it making noises and said it seems like everyone is allways calling and wanting to hang out with me, ok whatever. Yesterday she went up to our cabin with the kids to spend the night and visit with her friend thats in town. I was just gonna stay home and relax and she was real happy about me not going anyware but felt real anxious for some reason and at the last minute decided to get out of the house. When I was leaving (at the same time they were) she said I was acting suspisious again and I told her I was just going to return the movies from last night and go run around a bit. I went to my freinds (linda and daves) and withing 5 minutes she called my cell but I ignored it, a couple minutes later a knock on the door and theres my kids with a frozen pizza in there hand that she was taking up to the cabin for dinner!!!!! I went out to thank my wife and give her the pizza back since we wouldnt need it and had her come in and say hi to everyone. Thing is she hadnt been to Linda and Daves new house so the kids had to have told her how to get there and she told me on the phone last night that the kids wanted to come by to bring me the pizza and I said that was cool, then a minute later she admitted she was checking up on me and doesnt know whats gotten into her lately. What the heck is going on!!!!!??????? We just talked about this stuff the day before!! Is she jelous of trying to catch me doing something so she'll have a real reson to leave me without feeling guilty? Thing is she call right before she showed up and she sent the kids in to give me the pizza, I had to come out and get her to come in and say hi. This all seems waaaaaayyyyyy outa charicter for her, we've allways had a tremendouse amount of trust in our marriage so I just dont get it. She also told me the other night (friday) that she totally trust me and not to worry about haning out with Linda and Dave if Jills around its ok.

I really need some opinions/advice here!!!!! Please anything you can offer to help me see things a little more clearly.

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