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Husband walked out on me


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 4th April 2019, 3:09 PM   #46
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Yeah, Normm. I agree. I am divorced, have 2 kids and pay over $1100.00 per month CS & I have a "decent job".

OP is saying her H makes "decent money", and has 3 kids from previous marriage, and claims he pays $600.00 per month??? I like to know those statistic formulated numbers. And on top of CS, he pays the health insurance for his 3 kids from previous marriage.

OP, when you meet up with your H today, for your anniversary, I recommend not sleeping with him, as you may become pregnant with child #3... his child #6....
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Old 4th April 2019, 5:49 PM   #47
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What jumped out at me in your story is that your husband never wanted kids but now he has 5 kids. That strikes me as being a very weak man who doesn't take responsibility for his own life and happiness. Anyone who would make multiple babies and then whine about how they never wanted kids is someone who is immature, lacks self awareness, and doesn't take ownership of their own choices.

Now you know for sure that your husband is capable of also walking out on you and your kids. Therefore you need to start planning now for how you will survive as a single parent should your husband leave for good one day. I would suggest you start working towards being self sufficient now. If your husband stays and you guys work things out, great! You will still appreciate that you invested in yourself, but if things don't work out in your marriage at least you won't be blindsided and unable to support your family.
I could not agree more Anika. It’s difficult to imagine how a man who says he does not want children, managed to father five children. As my dear mother used to say in jest, “he really needs to figure out why this keeps happening so that he can make take steps to ensure that it doesn’t happen again...” Sure, you told him you wanted children but a man of conviction and strength would stand firm in his decision and could not be convinced FIVE times...

I simply can not imagine paying child support for five children, to two different women. I have no idea how he would be able to afford to live, if you do divorce.

As for your assertion that he has never walked out on you before, it’s not like you have an on/off relationship - if you want to believe that this is somehow different, because he has never done it before to you... go right ahead. But, the fact is you know that he is capable of doing this because he has done it to her, and now he has done it to you. You would be wise to take the advice that is offered and start planning for how you will support yourself and your children as a single parent. That just may be the reality of the situation... if not now, in a few years.
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Old 4th April 2019, 7:22 PM   #48
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Apart from the one minute Facetime has he seen your children since he walked out approx a week ago?
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Old 4th April 2019, 7:47 PM   #49
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OP, when you meet up with your H today, for your anniversary, I recommend not sleeping with him, as you may become pregnant with child #3... his child #6....
they could use a rubber
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Old 6th April 2019, 2:35 PM   #50
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Just an update for those that actually care and were helpful.... we are still separated. We're being civil for the kids. He doesn't want to come back home. I have no proof of an affair and i really dont even want to know at this point. I asked if he wants to divorce, he said that he's ok with leaving well enough alone to prevent anymore damage, but if i want to divorce that I can. He says he doesnt know what he's doing day to day and that he's just "existing".

We did meet up on our anniversary but it was just so he could see the kids. Nothing happened. He said "im sorry" to me and that was it.

I'm getting stronger as time goes by but then at times I feel like I havent gotten stronger at all. I hate how cold he is being to me. He wants out and I cant change that.
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Old 6th April 2019, 3:02 PM   #51
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I asked if he wants to divorce, he said that he's ok with leaving well enough alone to prevent anymore damage, but if i want to divorce that I can.
It’s not the divorce that will cause the damage, it’s the fact that he walked out on his family. It’s not fair for him to put this responsibility on you. He is the one who left, he needs to accept responsibility for his actions. You don’t have to do anything now, but you will want to divorce. You don’t want to be legally and financially tied to a man to whom you are not married. You will want to move forward with your life. You may eventually meet someone else, it’s hard to have another relationship when you are still married to a man you haven’t lived with for years...

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I'm getting stronger as time goes by but then at times I feel like I havent gotten stronger at all.
Give it time. This is all so new, it takes time to adjust and gather your strength.

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He wants out and I cant change that.
No, you certainly can’t change that. I’m sorry. Wishing you and your children all the best...
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Old 6th April 2019, 3:10 PM   #52
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Thanks Bailey. Yes I do plan to divorce once I get all my ducks in a row. Only problem is I will lose health insurance for myself if I divorce him as I work PRN as a nurse. I do not want to switch to full time as it is less money and I canít pick my schedule. But I think they have to offer me insurance if I pick up full time hours so hereís to hoping. I also have been trying to line up a babysitter so I can work more without having to rely on him to watch the kids all the time as he is being irresponsible and flakey. (He has always been like that and it was a huge problem in our marriage).

I hurried up and paid all the bills with his check so he doesnít blow the money on stupid **** like beer.
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Old 6th April 2019, 4:05 PM   #53
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Thanks Bailey. Yes I do plan to divorce once I get all my ducks in a row. Only problem is I will lose health insurance for myself if I divorce him as I work PRN as a nurse. I do not want to switch to full time as it is less money and I canít pick my schedule. But I think they have to offer me insurance if I pick up full time hours so hereís to hoping.
Yeah, thatís a pretty good reason to keep things stable until you get things settled. You will have some pretty big decisions to make, each in good time. You seem to have a very practical and level head, which makes me think you will get through this and provide a stable and happy home for your children.

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I also have been trying to line up a babysitter so I can work more without having to rely on him to watch the kids all the time as he is being irresponsible and flakey. (He has always been like that and it was a huge problem in our marriage).
That sounds like a good plan. Do you have other family support?

Again, Iím so sorry you are having to deal with this. Itís not fair, but it is what it is... one day at a time. Good luck.
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Old 6th April 2019, 8:49 PM   #54
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I have no proof of an affair and i really dont even want to know at this point. I asked if he wants to divorce, he said that he's ok with leaving well enough alone to prevent anymore damage, but if i want to divorce that I can. He says he doesnt know what he's doing day to day and that he's just "existing".
I'm sorry Summermoe, but he is a coward. Not only has he left everything at home for you to figure out, but he says you'll need to navigate the divorce also? I hope his willingness to dump everything, you and the kids included, is fresh in your mind if he decides he wants to come back. Hard to see how you could trust him again.

You kids lucky they have at least one strong parent. Hope things improve for you...

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Old 6th April 2019, 10:27 PM   #55
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Well the cat is out of the bag. I finally got it out of him. He did cheat on me. He says he did it after he left me. Itís over. I will never take his sorry ass back. You guys were right, he did to me the same thing he did to his ex before me. Sickening.
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Old 6th April 2019, 11:49 PM   #56
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Well the cat is out of the bag. I finally got it out of him. He did cheat on me. He says he did it after he left me. Itís over. I will never take his sorry ass back. You guys were right, he did to me the same thing he did to his ex before me. Sickening.
Iím sorry. This is one of those cases where it doesnít feel good, that we were right. Take care.
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Old 7th April 2019, 12:00 AM   #57
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Ugh so sorry! That all hurts to go through and divorce is hard. But like Bailey said above, itís pretty obvious from your posts that you are equipped to handle this and come out just fine. Iím doing the same thing right now but Iím trying to look forward to day when Iím free of the impact of the lies. He will do this to every woman heís ever with, Iím sure.
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Old 7th April 2019, 6:20 AM   #58
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Well the cat is out of the bag. I finally got it out of him. He did cheat on me. He says he did it after he left me. Itís over. I will never take his sorry ass back. You guys were right, he did to me the same thing he did to his ex before me. Sickening.
Few men will actually up sticks and leave their wife and children, unless there is actual abuse or mental illness involved or he has another woman.
The odds being here that he had another woman... unfortunately now proved true.

Please do not let him come and go, as that can happen too.
He leaves for the other woman, then he returns all sorry and remorseful to then leave again... if you allow it, this can go on for a long time, years even, back and forth.
You say his last marriage was on and off, maybe that was the game he was playing then...

Hugs...
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Old 7th April 2019, 1:15 PM   #59
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Thanks for the advice everyone. When will this grey cloud lift from over me? He doesnít even care that he has hurt me. My family adored him and he said he felt bad for them and not for me that our relationship was dying because he respected them. Heís so mean and cold to me...
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Old 7th April 2019, 6:06 PM   #60
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Thanks for the advice everyone. When will this grey cloud lift from over me? He doesnít even care that he has hurt me. My family adored him and he said he felt bad for them and not for me that our relationship was dying because he respected them. Heís so mean and cold to me...
It takes a long time...my husband and I separated in October and I still struggle. You really have to make self care a priority at a time like this. My husband is also completely insensitive to how this all affected me and he just keeps lying. But I have found that pursuing my own interests, trying new things, finding lots of friends to spend time with, counseling...all these things have helped and I do finally feel like Iím getting freedom from him rather than experiencing the loss of him, which helps a ton. Just have to take it a day at a time and keep fighting to make your life what you want it to be.
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