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My wife no longer feels the same way


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Old 22nd March 2019, 1:22 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by zouz71 View Post
Few quick questions :

-how big is your house?
-how lucky nag have she been out .
-how does she come home , by arranging u r not there ??
-where financial issues part of the issues?
-was consultancy suggested by any of u ? What happened ?
-does she earn more than you?
- 3 bed. Not too big tbh.
- lucky nag?
- comes home by asking me if she can. I'm there every time so far.
- financial issues for sure. We rarely seem to have a lot of cash. Although, it'll be harder for both of us now. I look after all the money.
- I only suggested counselling on the very first emotional day. Since then we have had the 'conversation'
- I earn more. All our money gets put together though. It's going to be a nightmare to sort.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 1:42 PM   #47
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I've pretty much said those exact words in my head time over. Especially as it's just me doing the housework now. I was a proper lazy ass and allowed her to take on the vast majority of the work.
Convince her you now understand and have a whole new respect for her.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 2:30 PM   #48
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She would find it hard to use the kids against me though. I'm prepared for the single dad side of things.
Sorry but you are dead wrong.

It won't matter if you're the greatest dad that ever lived because society at large still does not hold that belief as a possibility. Are you also prepared to take on the entire world's skepticism about men as parents and homemakers?

The media loves to tell people-interest stories about stay at home dads, but the truth is society is no more sincere about this proposition than you'd be when you tell a 5 year old "what a wonderful gift!" to that frog they gave you on father's day.

The problem of your wife's withholding might be nothing. On the other hand, there is an entire industry built around the identity of female victims. Without taking anything away from women who are truly abused or in need - the opportunity to exploit is very strong.

Can you name a single shelter or support agency for men that is not based on substance or alcohol abuse? I bet you could name at least 4 for women within 15 miles of you.

As other have suggested, be patient and focus on what you truly want but, don't be the next Pearl harbor by failing to believe anything different could be in the works.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 22nd March 2019 at 9:06 PM..
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Old 22nd March 2019, 2:32 PM   #49
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Nash , Get her back in the house and you leave , trust me ,
From all aspects this the norm in this situation
You will discover her intentions when u do this ,
If she is worth u will discover it and get back ,
If she is not u will be free , now you are giving her freedom rather than attaching her to her kids .


After you do that you immediately talk in private with her about kids arrangement , and choose your words
Be firm .
If you don't do that she will soon do one of two issues :
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Old 22nd March 2019, 3:33 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Turning point View Post
The problem of your wife's withholding might be nothing. On the other hand, there is an entire industry built around the identity of female victims. Without taking anything away from women who are truly abused or in need - the opportunity to exploit is very strong.

Can you name a single shelter or support agency for men that is not based on substance or alcohol abuse? I bet you could name at least 4 for women within 15 miles of you.

As other have suggested, be patient and focus on what you truly want but, don't be the next Pearl harbor by failing to believe anything different could be in the works.
Definitely a difference between the States and UK then. I'm not saying things aren't still leaning towards the female, but it's not like you describe at all over here.

Patient is what I shall be though. Eyes are fully open.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 22nd March 2019 at 9:07 PM..
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Old 22nd March 2019, 3:35 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by zouz71 View Post
Nash , Get her back in the house and you leave , trust me ,
From all aspects this the norm in this situation
You will discover her intentions when u do this ,
If she is worth u will discover it and get back ,
If she is not u will be free , now you are giving her freedom rather than attaching her to her kids .


After you do that you immediately talk in private with her about kids arrangement , and choose your words
Be firm .
If you don't do that she will soon do one of two issues :
There's nowhere for me to go. There's no way we could afford two places. That's the reason she's down the road at her parent's place.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 4:44 PM   #52
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Her moving there indicates she doesnít intend to
make it work with you.

Have you seen an attorney?
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Old 22nd March 2019, 5:15 PM   #53
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Her moving there indicates she doesnít intend to
make it work with you.

Have you seen an attorney?
Err, no.

That's not the type of thing we do tbh.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 5:23 PM   #54
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Err, no.

That's not the type of thing we do tbh.
What types of things do you do?
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Old 22nd March 2019, 5:32 PM   #55
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What types of things do you do?
Right now? Getting on with looking after my girls, the house, work and trying to look after myself.

I couldn't afford an attorney and neither could my wife. Divorce isn't big business in the UK as much as the US either. We don't have any real assets either.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 6:24 PM   #56
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Right now? Getting on with looking after my girls, the house, work and trying to look after myself.

I couldn't afford an attorney and neither could my wife. Divorce isn't big business in the UK as much as the US either. We don't have any real assets either.
So this is your goal?

To have things remain the same and have your wife act uninterested in the marriage/family?
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Old 22nd March 2019, 7:46 PM   #57
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So this is your goal?

To have things remain the same and have your wife act uninterested in the marriage/family?
Not at all. We need to have a conversation, of that there's no doubt. Knowing her though, she needs to be open to that idea. If I push her for it now, I guarantee it'll push her further behind the walls she puts up. She needs to clear her head (implied to me and said by her mother).

I'm going to work on me for the time being. We've got a couple of family events coming up that we've agreed to do together (daughter's birthday for example). I'll be showing her a confident me over these next couple of weeks, then we'll have the talk. If she doesn't want to talk then, then so be it. I'll just have to learn to adapt to my new future. I won't be begging.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 9:36 PM   #58
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Even the lack of a plan - is still a plan.
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