S1LVER GTi Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 so i have another post about me and my ex gf of 9 years so because we have kids we see each other on a regular basis and i went to drop the kids off 3 days ago and she asked if we could spend the day together as she was really missing me so i agreed and we have a good laugh as a family and really enjoyed it both said so she wants to spend more time together to start the reconciliation process but she wants to go very slow she also said its a way for her to show me that shes not stringing me along because i had voiced my opinion on that matter we have both agreed to be more open and honest with each other when i went to leave she gave me a really loving hug and when i went back to pick the kids up she hugged me for around 5 mins she wants me to let her come to me when shes ready i said what if i takes a year she said well then it takes a year i know shes fighting depression and suicidal thoughts and is very confussed at the min also she has started sending me more kisses when we message each other from one to three might not seem like a lot but when we were together and she was busy she would just send the and that be her way of telling me she loves me i know im probabily reading too much in to it but you have to understand i was with this woman every day for 9 years my problem is i still feel im being strung along but dont want to push her too far as this could have detrimental consequences now we have like i mentioned had a very good chat and plan on meeting once every 2 weeks to see how things go she has already said she still loves me in a romantic way and respects me and cares for me my question i guess is what do you people think and how do i move the process along a little quicker but not too fast as i dont want to push her away and im already expecting people to say move on leave her be and all that i dont need that kind of response from people i need insite to the situation Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 You either (1) stand up for yourself and tell her what your requirements are for reconciling (time limits) or (2) you let her call all the shots because you're afraid of losing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 You either (1) stand up for yourself and tell her what your requirements are for reconciling (time limits) or (2) you let her call all the shots because you're afraid of losing her. hi i have agreed to not push her and its not that i am afraid of losing her i am used to her not being around i dont need her but i do want her if this makes sense ovbs i know that this will take some time just dont know how much what would be an acceptable time frame baring in mind we have been apart near on 7 weeks and to be honest both of us have come a long way in those 7 weeks towards each other when it first happened we couldnt even be in the same room and now were hugging each other and have told each other once or twice we love each other Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Only you can determine what is acceptable for you. Give it some thought. Pay attention to how you're feeling and your gut will tell you what to do and when to do it. I will say that arbitrary time limits don't really seem to be very helpful. From reading here on LS and from my own experience it seems people rarely enforce their own limits and eventually take action only when they have finally had enough. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Why in God's name would you want to "push things along a little faster" with a woman who is depressed with suicidal thoughts? She needs to be in therapy three times a week or in a facility to get herself fixed. I'm sure she's just grasping at straws to see if there's anything makes her feel at all better. Why don't you take the kids and let her do long term treatment and then see what's next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Why in God's name would you want to "push things along a little faster" with a woman who is depressed with suicidal thoughts? She needs to be in therapy three times a week or in a facility to get herself fixed. I'm sure she's just grasping at straws to see if there's anything makes her feel at all better. Why don't you take the kids and let her do long term treatment and then see what's next.[/Q i do have the kids 5 days a week and she is getting treatment for her problems we have already spoke about this so really i should let things go along until i feel enough is enough and i dont mean i want to rush her along not at all that is not the point of the post i wanted to know if there is any way to make her feel its her choice to go a little faster if you get what i mean 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Couple's therapy and hopefully independent therapy for her if she is depressed and suicidal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Couple's therapy and hopefully independent therapy for her if she is depressed and suicidal. i asked her about couples therapy and she said no Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 i asked her about couples therapy and she said no This is a terrible sign. Sorry but it is. Wanting to see you only once every two weeks is as well. I just can’t imagine this ending well. But you’re gonna keep doing it until you’re done and you’re not done. So I guess just enjoy what you can while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 This is a terrible sign. Sorry but it is. Wanting to see you only once every two weeks is as well. I just can’t imagine this ending well. But you’re gonna keep doing it until you’re done and you’re not done. So I guess just enjoy what you can while you can. its not so much a bad things tbh we just spent 30 mins on the phone talking being open with each other she told me she loves me and that she would love nothing more to get her whole family back and have what we used to have but be even stronger we agreed once every 2 weeks because shes fighting her own demons and dosen't feel that she can give more right now and as a supportive pillar in her life i am willing to do that she also told me that she dose see a future for us just not while shes like this mentally unable to give 110 percent Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 maybe once she is ok mentally and emotionally she will be open to the idea of couples therapy Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Even if she does not agree to MC, you should go to IC or a support group for dealing with mental illness and/or suicidal ideation. A person in her situation does need to have someone to support her, but you need to know the best way to support her and might need some professional guidance in that area. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 she wants me to let her come to me when shes ready i said what if i takes a year she said well then it takes a year i know shes fighting depression and suicidal thoughts and is very confussed at the min also she has started sending me more kisses when we message each other [/Quote] So how exactly, is sending kisses when you message each other, taking it slow... My friend, this woman is depressed, suicidal, and confused... another word to describe her current mental state - unstable. You are more than welcome to risk your own mental health and well being by taking a huge risk with an unstable woman but you do not have the right to risk your children’s mental health and wellbeing by bringing a depressed and suicidal mother into the home. Does she have custody of the children? In her current state of mental health, do you think they are safe with their mother? Think long and hard about this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 So how exactly, is sending kisses when you message each other, taking it slow... My friend, this woman is depressed, suicidal, and confused... another word to describe her current mental state - unstable. You are more than welcome to risk your own mental health and well being by taking a huge risk with an unstable woman but you do not have the right to risk your children’s mental health and wellbeing by bringing a depressed and suicidal mother into the home. Does she have custody of the children? In her current state of mental health, do you think they are safe with their mother? Think long and hard about this... she is getting professional help where she works they have councilers and shes talking to one of them for an hour every day and no i have custody of my children and yes i do trust her with them i have no reason not to she would never do anything to put them in harms way and when she feels she carnt cope with them she rings me and i pick them up Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 she is getting professional help where she works they have councilers and shes talking to one of them for an hour every day and no i have custody of my children and yes i do trust her with them i have no reason not to she would never do anything to put them in harms way and when she feels she carnt cope with them she rings me and i pick them up I’m glad you have custody. For exactly those reasons, I would not trust her to be alone with the children. Never in a million years would I consider getting back together with her when she is this unwell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author S1LVER GTi Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 I’m glad you have custody. For exactly those reasons, I would not trust her to be alone with the children. Never in a million years would I consider getting back together with her when she is this unwell. thats why were not putting any pressure on anything she asked me if it was ok for her to come to me when shes ready and i agreed we were on the phone for an hour last night talking mostly about us and where we see things going she said she would love nothing more than to have her whole family back and she told me she dose love me very much but just needs her space to sort her self out to witch i have agreed to give her all the space she needs and that i am here if she needs to talk things do look so much more positive than what they did a month or so ago i can really see that she is trying to make an effort to stay in my life and i dont mean just for the kids i have agreed to let her come to me in every way so if she wants a hug she can have one she wants to tell me she loves me she can she wants a kiss she can and we have made plans to go out on a date at the end of april i know its a long way off but again positive moves from her point as the date is her idea but i will keep every one up to date on what is happening with the whole process Link to post Share on other sites
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