LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

9+ years I love you but im not in love with you


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Like Tree19Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 26th February 2019, 10:18 AM   #31
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by S1LVER GTi View Post
so now my mission is to prove my self to her and then she will come to me...
This is a really, really, bad idea.

You may very well have taken her for granted. She may very well have failed to communicate her expectations of you. The failure of the relationship was mutual and you cannot fix a relationship of 2 people with the effort of just 1 person.

Your proposition is not even practical because, you don't even understand what it is you are supposed to prove! Furthermore, there's no end zone or goal post for you to move toward. The ethereal possibility that she'll at some point approve of you is not a destination you can reach. You'd have better odds searching for the fountain of youth.

The people who have advised you to get a custody agreement approved through the courts speak from experience. If you don't get some oversight and preserve your parental rights now, you may be prone to lose substantial involvement with your children as this situation deteriorates and her disposition further hardens.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, but your situation is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Being reactive rather than proactive is very dangerous to both you and your children.

Last edited by Turning point; 26th February 2019 at 10:22 AM..
Turning point is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th February 2019, 1:13 AM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Northeast Coast
Posts: 571
I don't know whether you've taken her for granted, however, if you are going to make changes, make them for yourself - not just for her. I'm not totally buying that excuse anyways because she left her children. That is not typical. Either way, you're doing the right in by putting your children first (because if she were putting the children first, she'd still be there with them or she would have taken them with her.)
vla1120 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st March 2019, 9:03 AM   #33
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 25
Question

hi everyone that has replied me and the ex have been speaking over the past few days normal day to day stuff kids that kind of thing

she told me she dose love me but right now that's not enough and that she dose love me romantically and that she wants to want me what ever that means I don't know

I do know that she is trying to be happy with her life and is working towards that I have also told her what she needs to work on and she is ok with that

and I do know what I need to work on we have spoken about this she also said she respects me for doing what I'm doing and to just give her time and space and let her come to me

I know this all sounds like a ploy to move on with what ever but you have to understand I know my ex best and I know when she is lying to me I appreciate that to some people it dose look how it sounds but I have no reason not to trust her

I never have not had a reason to trust her were slowly working through this together and again if anyone can tell me what wanting to want something means I would be grateful I tried googling it and it just comes up with verbs
S1LVER GTi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st March 2019, 2:38 PM   #34
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 170
What happened when you checked her phone bill? Unfortunately, being around these boards several years, the reason always turns out to be the same.

Have you found a job yet? Stay at home dads are way over represented in the infidelity threads.
Chaparral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st March 2019, 3:47 PM   #35
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,132
I think she's gaslighting you to get you to do even MORE. And you're already doing more than your fair share.

Quote:
Originally Posted by S1LVER GTi View Post
so people I have got to the bottom of why she left me

she feels like I took her for granted

so now my mission is to prove my self to her and then she will come to me when shes ready to talk I have a lot of self improvement to make but that's ok I need it anyways
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st March 2019, 3:50 PM   #36
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
I think she's gaslighting you to get you to do even MORE. And you're already doing more than your fair share.
not really I'm doing what I have always done other than dropping the kids off to her
S1LVER GTi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd March 2019, 12:10 PM   #37
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 25
hi everyone a little update me and my ex and kids spent the day together we wernt supposed to but she asked if we could because she really missed me

and she also told me she is suffering with depression I already knew that and we agreed on spending 1 day together every so often and let things fall in to place when and if they do

so looking a bit more positive but by no means over the hill

also we had a really good chat about everything she said just don't push me she is worried that she will hurt me again witch is understandable and I put my point across on this situation
S1LVER GTi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th March 2019, 11:34 AM   #38
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by S1LVER GTi View Post
hi everyone a little update me and my ex and kids spent the day together we wernt supposed to but she asked if we could because she really missed me

and she also told me she is suffering with depression I already knew that and we agreed on spending 1 day together every so often and let things fall in to place when and if they do

so looking a bit more positive but by no means over the hill

also we had a really good chat about everything she said just don't push me she is worried that she will hurt me again witch is understandable and I put my point across on this situation
That's really good to see. I've been reading these boards for a little while and whilst there is a lot of help out there, far too many on here jump to the worst conclusions. They may well have been hurt before and project on to others, but not everything is an affair like some would lead you to believe.
Nash82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd March 2019, 12:09 PM   #39
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 368
POSSIBILITY that is the real concern, an affair just being one such example.

While infidelity is what jumps off the page, often readers overlook the years of this very same patient stand by mode people invested prior to being royally screwed over by a variety of things including personality disorders, severe depressive episodes, financial waste, and other possibilities.

You spouse doesn't have to be a cheater to do permanent damage to your future.
Turning point is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Girl rejected me 5 years ago, but messages me out of the blue after 5 years? MashedPotatoes Second Chances 6 3rd September 2015 11:55 AM
11 Years gone - 16 Years Old to 27 Years old - julzfromsa Breaks and Breaking Up 54 3rd February 2014 2:17 PM
Together 14 years; get 'I love you but am not in love with you' from husband iamwonderwoman Infidelity 36 18th November 2012 10:16 PM
16 years and he tells me "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you anymore" kat0673 Separation and Divorce 14 6th May 2011 2:17 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:20 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.