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Why wonít he cooperate with divorce he wanted?


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Old 6th February 2019, 8:06 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
The way I heard it, a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client. Subtle but distinct difference.


Did your lawyer tell you this, or are these your own thoughts? If you want to get divorced then you can get divorced, you don't need your ex's permission, cooperation or even his signature. If you want it, tell your lawyer to get it done without your ex's cooperation.


Yeah, that could well be his reasons. He is probably complaining to his gf that you're not progressing the divorce.
Yeah I realized I got the quote thing wrong but I couldnít get it to edit on my phone. *shrug*
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Old 6th February 2019, 11:48 AM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
Did your lawyer tell you this, or are these your own thoughts? If you want to get divorced then you can get divorced, you don't need your ex's permission, cooperation or even his signature. If you want it, tell your lawyer to get it done without your ex's cooperation.

^This. I've never heard of a default divorce being "set aside".


He doesn't respond, you get everything you ask for, end of story. No clue why you'd think otherwise.


But again, we're off topic here, she just wants to know why he doesn't want to divorce not "how to get divorced".
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Old 6th February 2019, 12:57 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Normm View Post
But again, we're off topic here, she just wants to know why he doesn't want to divorce.
As has been established, the answer is clear - there's no upside for him in participating or moving forward with the legal process...

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Old 6th February 2019, 2:20 PM   #34
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Hello OP

Sorry youíre going through all of this. It might just be that your husband is doing this just because he can. Just to be difficult. Maybe for no rational reason.

Nearly 30 years ago my first wife did the exact same thing. It drug on much longer than it had to, simply because she wouldnít cooperate. She wanted the divorce and yet wouldnít do anything to help out with the process. I suspect it was all because of her desire to continue to be nasty to me. Typical of her personality , when time came that she needed action on something (ex: filing tax returns, she was like a rabid dog while demanding immediate action and answers to her questions). Nothing rational at all about her decisions.
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Old 6th February 2019, 3:02 PM   #35
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Chryssy83, I apologize if my previous posts sound flippant, my intention was to assign more urgency to your self-interest than you presently seem to have.

You're not being honest with yourself. He's not the one who wanted the divorce.

He wanted a co-worker he can screw on the side while he displays his wife at the company picnics. He told you point blank: "he wasn't even going try to fix things."

All you heard was "divorce" and mistakenly presumed he would suddenly man-up and do the honorable thing for you. Do you see the disconnect here?

Nothing you have told us describes a man who gives a sh*t about what is best for you, or even convenient. Divorce is a gift you give yourself not because you want it, because you need it. Girl, you need this now.
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Old 6th February 2019, 5:40 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Normm View Post
^This. I've never heard of a default divorce being ďset asideĒ.

I have seen many default judgments set aside although I donít do family law. Talked to my attorney again today and he advised again that the default route was likely a waste of money because getting a default with significant assets and kids would likely lead to him hiring an attorney and getting the judgment set aside. Anyway maybe jurisdictions differ somewhat.

I had my attorney email him which prompted texts from husband asking me whether he should hire a lawyer and saying heís not really sure he knows what he is doing. I bet he hires an attorney when he realizes that this requires some work on his part.
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Old 6th February 2019, 5:41 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Turning point View Post
Chryssy83, I apologize if my previous posts sound flippant, my intention was to assign more urgency to your self-interest than you presently seem to have.

You're not being honest with yourself. He's not the one who wanted the divorce.

He wanted a co-worker he can screw on the side while he displays his wife at the company picnics. He told you point blank: "he wasn't even going try to fix things."

All you heard was "divorce" and mistakenly presumed he would suddenly man-up and do the honorable thing for you. Do you see the disconnect here?

Nothing you have told us describes a man who gives a sh*t about what is best for you, or even convenient. Divorce is a gift you give yourself not because you want it, because you need it. Girl, you need this now.

Thank you. I appreciate this perspective.
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Old 6th February 2019, 9:10 PM   #38
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I agree based on my own case experience that a default judgement where there are significant assets could be set aside. It's also in your own best interest to compel discovery and find out what those assets truly are.

It's unlikely you'd be limited simply to your own earning and living capacity. At 6 years time, you were indeed working toward something and there is some level and expectation of a partnership. Perhaps you can simplify things with a one time alimony payment ("severance pay") rather than fighting over other assets?

To get to your original question, no one but him could explain why he's so disengaged. All I can say, is that as a man I would be lost if I found myself where he is. Here's my $0.02 - and it may be greatly overpriced:

Sure, he wanted the affair because it was easy - but, if he's not married it's not an affair it's a relationship which is what he tried to step out of in the first place! Neither he or the OW likely gave any thought to a reality beyond their dirty little secret.

He's also burned his bridges because he wants what's 'easy' and recovering from infidelity is extremely hard work. Divorce is equally hard work as well, and he's probably not not cut out for any of that.
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Old 6th February 2019, 9:29 PM   #39
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@ turning point

I think that makes a lot of sense. The first time anything remotely difficult came along in our relationship (which was a health issue for me) was the first time he checked out. He told lies and complained his needs werenít getting met. Because of a medical problem. Which wasnít my fault and also was not permanent.

My plan is to try to negotiate where I get more of the assets up front to avoid alimony. He initially said he would agree to that so we will just have to see if he changes his tune. Any my attorney also advised that we do our due diligence on assets. So thatís the plan.

I think he really doesnít like hard work, even his job is super easy (though high paying) and it made it hard for me to respect what he does when I couldnít really see that he was DOING anything to get all this money. My job is relatively high paying but lower paying for legal work. But I work hard and do very big impressive things. He isnít impressed by what I do, even though itís literally the stuff best selling novels are made of! Itís always been treated like a hobby because itís not that lucrative. Iím excited to get a settlement and buy a house and start my new life, even though Iím sad to give up on the dream of what I wanted. I just need to get there and I donít know why heís not more motivated!
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Old 7th February 2019, 12:28 AM   #40
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He hasn’t done anything because he’s a lazy a-hole who doesn’t want to make effort.

Do the default avenue. He hasn’t performed and you will get whatever you requested. I hope you asked for outrageous and unreasonable things in what you filed.

Stop allowing his inability to take action keep you from moving forward.

You need to be free from this narcissist... and begin a new future without him.
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Old 7th February 2019, 2:01 AM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chryssy83 View Post
But I work hard and do very big impressive things. I’m excited to get a settlement and buy a house and start my new life, even though I’m sad to give up on the dream of what I wanted.
You're fortunate to have work you're passionate about, and a forward looking optimism. Life has a way of exceeding our dreams if we're open to it. What you're giving up right now doesn't sound like the stuff dreams are made of.

Hang in there.
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Old 11th February 2019, 5:56 PM   #42
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He finally filed an answer now we can serve discovery. Heís still pro se.

Even though I filed, it still sort of hurts to see his signature on a document asking to dissolve the marriage.
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Old 12th February 2019, 2:19 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by chryssy83 View Post
Even though I filed, it still sort of hurts to see his signature on a document asking to dissolve the marriage.
Yes, but the hurt is about letting go of something that's not what we believed it to be. You are not changing - the situation is being changed by you, and for you, because you deserve better.
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Old 12th February 2019, 8:24 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by Turning point View Post
Yes, but the hurt is about letting go of something that's not what we believed it to be. You are not changing - the situation is being changed by you, and for you, because you deserve better.
Thank you.
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Old 15th February 2019, 6:34 AM   #45
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The same thing happened with my cousin as well. She was in an abusive marriage. She filed for divorce. But her husband didn't receive summons from the court for 12 years. He married some other woman with 2 kids. Now he faced problems while registering his kids to school as his kids can't have his surname. So now he agreed for divorce with my cousin.
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