Recently divorced & she keeps texting me now, Why?

[js619]

Hello all, Im confused about something and would like to tell my story and get some opinions. I was married for 7 years and separated about 7 months ago (no kids in this marriage, she has kids from previous marriage whom i raised). She is the one who dumped me. After the separation, we tried to reconcile twice but I was too needy and pushed her away. I was broken at this time.

 

About 3.5 months ago, I was coming out of depression and decided to file for divorce since I knew she wasn't coming back (and she told me she wanted divorce anyway). Right before christmas (1 month ago) our divorce was finalized. Since our last reconciliation attempt up until today she has just been angry and mean and hates me. I have had just about no contact with her in the last 4 months (only divorce related logistic discussion (sign this paper, sign that etc, our divorce was mutual agreement so no fighting in court).

 

The day the divorce was finalized, I sent her a text letting her know it was finalized and that we both know its better this way and I wished her the best and that was it. She responded that she wasn't going to read it. No response from me and that was it. I have been feeling great and no depression at all.

 

Fast forward to this week. She has been texting me almost every day asking me a random question (ie: credit card balance, car insurance - all things that were clearly stated in our agreement). I haven't responded at all since I don't want to get sucked into a fight.

 

This morning she texted me "I'm sorry that this happened. I married you to be together forever. This has been extremely hard on both of us. When you sent me that text last month it really hit me hard and I didn't know what to say. I'm so sorry that this didn't work out. I hope you are ok", I didn't respond (was working didn't see phone), and two hours later got a text "ok just ignore me then".

 

What is going on in her mind? She was pushing for the divorce and got it. We have no kids or ANYTHING to talk about. I erased her number. I had no plans to ever talk to her again. Why is she still talking to me? What does she really want?

[basil67]

My guess is she wants for an amicable divorce. But it's totally your prerogative to move on without a word.

Edited January 19, 2019 by basil67

[Sparta]

You know what it means nothing.! just ignore her and move on you have no reason to talk to her. The best thing you can do for yourself. It will drive her nuts when you don’t respond but who cares. LOL

[Art_Critic]

Unless it truly has to do with dissolving the marriage, taxes etc etc then just ignore her...

It seems to me that the finality of it is allowing her to grieve and that is what she is doing.. except she is now texting you with some guilt...

The quicker you ignore her (I know you are doing that) the quicker you move on to someone else healthier.

 

 

Good Luck....

[somanymistakes]

Yeah, it's better to ignore it and enforce boundaries.

 

Splitting up is hard and confusing, people don't always know how they're supposed to behave and they likely have a lot of conflicting emotional impulses.

 

Maybe she feels guilty, maybe she feels lonely, maybe she enjoys jerking you around, it doesn't really matter. It's better for both of you to cut the contact. Let her get what she needs elsewhere, it's not your responsibility.

[Marc878]

Her actions mean more than a text message.

 

If everything's finalized I'd block her.

[Blind-Sided]

As above... in your case... it's over already, and it's easier to heal if you just make a clean cut. Block her number if you really do not need to talk about anything else, and move on mentally, and emotionally.

 

 

Good luck my friend

[aliveagain]

She wants to be your friend in case she can't find a babysitter when she's got a hot date. If you don't have kids together there's no need for a friendship. Most women wanting to date you will have a hard time understanding why you would want to be friends with someone that dumped you. Move on and stay open for Ms. Right when she comes along.

[Mr. Lucky]

Splitting up is hard and confusing, people don't always know how they're supposed to behave and they likely have a lot of conflicting emotional impulses.

 

I think this is insightful. She can have fond feeling towards you and good memories of time together coupled with no interest in ever getting back together. If that dynamic doesn't work for you, a clean split is the best way to go...

 

Mr. Lucky

[js619]

I figured to stay with no contact is the best way. I ended up blocking her since she started calling me this morning and she started sending me texts trying to make me feel guilty. I feel so relieved that she isn't my problem anymore. I was thinking about what she said in the texts today and realized that it isn't healthy for me and thats why i decided to block her. Thank you all for the replies, just helped to confirm what I thought!

[The Dude Abides]

JS619

 

Yikes, that's unsettling to have the ex continue to contact you. I agree with all the comments and your actions so far to avoid her at all costs. It's hard to know what drives an ex to do things like this. My first wife got extremely interested in me :(once she found out I had a serious GF. That GF became a fiancé and then my wife. . The ex stalked me and then stalked us once we got married. Phone calls, late night knocks on the door, other odd behaviors.....but none of it compared to what happened years later. The ex bought a house next door to us :eek: (WTF !!). We sold our house and moved asap and for the most part the weirdness stopped. We heard from our old neighbors that the ex talked about all the good times we had and etc. Totally bizarre because there had once been a time where she made no bones about telling me how much she hated and despised me.

 

I have no insight for you buddy other than to say sometimes people are just batsh*t crazy and there is no explanation for what they do.

 

NC is best for you , total resolve to staying that way.

[sabaton]

Hello all, Im confused about something and would like to tell my story and get some opinions. I was married for 7 years and separated about 7 months ago (no kids in this marriage, she has kids from previous marriage whom i raised). She is the one who dumped me. After the separation, we tried to reconcile twice but I was too needy and pushed her away. I was broken at this time.

 

<SNIP><Removed large quote>

 

 

Why are you talking to her at all in the first place? Is the divorce finalized? You got nothing else to talk about. Block her and move on.

Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneL]

I figured to stay with no contact is the best way. I ended up blocking her since she started calling me this morning and she started sending me texts trying to make me feel guilty. I feel so relieved that she isn't my problem anymore. I was thinking about what she said in the texts today and realized that it isn't healthy for me and thats why i decided to block her. Thank you all for the replies, just helped to confirm what I thought!

 

Good job for blocking her! Please have a fresh start and move on.

 

I always feel bad for kids like hers. If you were their biological father, you could still have visitation and could still be part of their lives. But these kids may have had a string of men who were heavily involved in their lives at some point and then were gone the next minute.

[portwine49]

She regrets it and wants to see if you have moved on. She wants a little ego boost from you. Maybe got dumped and wants to see if the emotional option of you still wanting her or feeling something is on the table. It means very little other than she needs an ego fix. My opinion. Good you blocked her. Let her stew on her decision and journey without getting any validation from you. You have been through enough already.