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Finding the gold-diggers?


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Hi, I just heard about my friend who is a wonderful, gentle kind Indian man, who is a great cardiologist and ICU doctor - who is now divorced. The ex wife is just living on the court-mandated donations from my dear friend. He's divorced after some physical assault at home, verbal abuse, beating by the ex-inlaws, and the courts have judged:

 

he shall pay 1200$ child support until the child (whom he adores) is 18

 

he shall get 30% custody

he shall pay 70% of any medical expenses until the child is 18.

 

So my question is - what advice would you give to the world to find these gold diggers (whether they be man or woman)? How would you be sure you aren't being taken for a ride? I'm particularly sad for him because he's got a 90 hour work week from Cardiac ICU, and now still has to work overtime to make ends meet. The woman is probably laughing all the way to the bank.

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When you’ve got something to lose, it’s best to have a prenuptial agreement and don’t let anything talk you down. For everyone else, it’s important to know before marriage what your spouse is entitled to during a marriage and why.

 

The rest is due to the courtship. I don’t feel there’s anything you can specifically look for. Pay attention to what they do for a living versus their spending habits. LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY! How do they feel about this individual? Women have strong intuitions. What do your friends think? To me personally, if someone wants to live with me or move in because it makes sense financially and two checks are better than one, I bail. I could go on. When people are in love or infatuated, they never listen to reason.

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Stop trying to be a provider for women and stop using money as your selling point. If she already has her own stuff chances are she won't try to take yours. In short find a woman who had already earned an honest living herself.

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Are you considering medical payments and child support court mandated donations ?

Dude... If that is the case I wouldn't want to be a child that their father considers them a luxury item and donates to them...how demoralizing and degrading

 

A 70/30 split on medical isn't that big of an issue since he is a medical professional and also probably makes more money than his ex.

 

Do you know what he agreed to and what the court decided he should pay, many men pay as much as they can since their child's well being is the highest of priorities to them ?

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The ex is a dentist, that's what makes this even weirder.

 

He provided me all the evidence of her abuses, and the jury seems to have sided totally against my friend. No penalty at all for him being strangled and beaten in his own home.

 

I don't consider having a child a luxury item, I was just really upset that my friend's ex got stuck with the long stick and my friend got stuck with the short end of the stick. In real life I adore children and my friend adores his son.

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He didn't get any recourse from being physically assaulted? He still has to pay the majority of the financial responsibility.

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He didn't get any recourse from being physically assaulted? He still has to pay the majority of the financial responsibility.

 

It seems that would be a criminal matter with little impact on the long term support needs of his child.

 

Have to agree with Art_Critic, for someone in his position $1200/month isn't much of a lifestyle changer. And if he really has 90-hour work weeks, even 30% custody might be more than he can handle.

 

The needs of the child come before those of the adults involved...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Child custody has to do with the best interests of the child, period. Getting child support isn't golddigging. Getting most of the custody isn't either. Doctors are rarely not working. So of course, she has to be compensated for that for the child.

 

Sorry he underwent abuse. That's another matter though, not golddigging.

 

How to weed out golddiggers:

1) Don't date someone you know is too good looking for you if you have money and she doesn't.

2) Golddiggers will start putting sob stories on you and applying either sob story or diva-ish behavior to pressure you to start giving her money of buying her things. It's really pretty obvious as long as the guy hasn't decided to go blind because he wants to believe he can really get someone that much more attractive than him bad enough to overlook it.

Edited by preraph
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I don’t know where they live, but I’m my city $1200 would not nearly pay for the difference between me being single and childless versus having one child.

 

I have two boys who share a room. We live in the cheapest two bedroom apartment I could find, which is 1850/month. If I didn’t have kids, I could have a roommate and be paying 925. And I probably spend $300 more a month for food than I would without them. So even without considering clothes, sports, childcare, driving them all over the place, entertainment/socializing (and every sleepover we host ends up costing at least $50), I’d have already spent that $1200.

 

I don’t know if she might be possibly pocketing a little change after she pays for all the kid stuff, but I can guarantee she did not get into this for the money. If she’s a gold-digger, she’s not a very successful one.

 

And I’m shocked that $1200 is a hardship for a cardiac surgeon.

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Hi, I just heard about my friend who is a wonderful, gentle kind Indian man, who is a great cardiologist and ICU doctor - who is now divorced. The ex wife is just living on the court-mandated donations from my dear friend. He's divorced after some physical assault at home, verbal abuse, beating by the ex-inlaws, and the courts have judged:

 

he shall pay 1200$ child support until the child (whom he adores) is 18

 

he shall get 30% custody

he shall pay 70% of any medical expenses until the child is 18.

 

So my question is - what advice would you give to the world to find these gold diggers (whether they be man or woman)? How would you be sure you aren't being taken for a ride? I'm particularly sad for him because he's got a 90 hour work week from Cardiac ICU, and now still has to work overtime to make ends meet. The woman is probably laughing all the way to the bank.

 

 

Hi, I just heard about my friend who is a wonderful, gentle kind Indian man, who is a great cardiologist and ICU doctor - who is now divorced. The ex wife is just living on the court-mandated donations from my dear friend. He's divorced after some physical assault at home, verbal abuse, beating by the ex-inlaws, and the courts have judged:

 

 

Was it an arranged marriage? When you marry a woman who comes from a culture that still does such things, you're risking your life because when their fathers or brothers take a dislike to you they'll make it very clear. With their fists and knives. Your friend is lucky he only gotten beaten up by his ex-wife and her father.

he shall pay 1200$ child support until the child (whom he adores) is 18

 

he shall get 30% custody

he shall pay 70% of any medical expenses until the child is 18.

 

 

 

 

 

that's 259 000 dollars, plus whatever medical expenses he has to pay for the kid, and then there's the issue of where the woman will sue the guy and make him pay for the kid's college, one day. Why 1200 a month? Does she need a new louis vuitton bag?

 

 

 

So my question is - what advice would you give to the world to find these gold diggers (whether they be man or woman)?

 

 

Don't get married. There is no point in marriage these days. It used to be that guys would get laid sometime from getting married, but then you read these guys coming on here complaining that their marriage have been deadbedrooms for the past 10 years or more, and escorts are going super hot, always 18, and are way cheaper than a wife in the short and long-run tbh.

 

 

As for kids, I dunno. Save up and hire the services of a surrogate mother. You can even be picky and ask for specifics when it comes to the woman's looks, height, age etc, if you got the cash. I had my sperm frozen when I turned 18 and if I ever become a father it will be via that method, a surrogate mother.

 

 

 

Even if the marriage starts well it's very likely to turn sour. Most guys I know who are in their 40s-70s all tell the younger men they talk to to not get married, and who am I to disregard the advice of people with so much life experience?

 

 

 

That also goes for co-habitation marriage.

 

 

 

How would you be sure you aren't being taken for a ride? I'm particularly sad for him because he's got a 90 hour work week from Cardiac ICU, and now still has to work overtime to make ends meet. The woman is probably laughing all the way to the bank.

 

 

Don't pay for dates if you are in a relationship. Don't buy her gifts and presents, but if you do make sure the amount you spend is not much. If you gonna get married, make sure it's a town hall ceremony, not those ''i wanna feel like a princess'' marriages, don't waste your money like that. I would say get an iron-clad prenup, but I know divorce lawyers who've managed to destroy those and force the guy to spend a very long time paying for their ex-wives. Now that's some expensive prostitution right there.

 

 

And be careful. Get your children genetically tested to make sure they're yours. I was reading the papers and there was this guy who's been spending a lot of cash on the courts to be free from child-support, because he found out the girl he was raising wasn't his, and he didn't want to continue being a chump. The judge at the time, the guy who forced him to continue with the child-support payments(the law doesn't care, it will make you pay even if the kid is not yours) said that the child and the man have an emotional bond that makes them in the eyes of society father and daughter :lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

 

Don't marry women who make less than you. Ideally you should be getting married to a woman who makes more than you. That's possible if you are smart about it. I have a friend who makes his money from reading tarot cards. His wife is a doctor, and she's been working for a decade or so at a private clinic making a lot of dough. He's a sort of stay-at-home dad, in the event of a divorce she's the one who will pay him alimony.

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I have two boys who share a room. We live in the cheapest two bedroom apartment I could find, which is 1850/month. If I didn’t have kids, I could have a roommate and be paying 925. And I probably spend $300 more a month for food than I would without them. So even without considering clothes, sports, childcare, driving them all over the place, entertainment/socializing (and every sleepover we host ends up costing at least $50), I’d have already spent that $1200.

 

I don’t know if she might be possibly pocketing a little change after she pays for all the kid stuff, but I can guarantee she did not get into this for the money. If she’s a gold-digger, she’s not a very successful one.

 

And I’m shocked that $1200 is a hardship for a cardiac surgeon.

 

That means the men who marry Californian women have to shell out over $3000 a month in child-support and in alimony, right? Yikes, and here I was thinking a 100 euros for a 18 year top notch escort per hour was too much, there seems to be a lot more men who are not only paying far more than that, but who have to continue to pay fortunes for almost 20 years, in the least. Edited by sabaton
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Child custody has to do with the best interests of the child, period. Getting child support isn't golddigging. Getting most of the custody isn't either. Doctors are rarely not working. So of course, she has to be compensated for that for the child.
Not really, no. That's the excuse gold-diggers use in court to get tens of thousands of dollars from their ex-husbands who happen to be atheletes, musicians, actors, and politicians. There was a woman here who makes on her own right tens of thousands a month, and when she decided to divorce her husband she got it made.

 

20.000 euros a month until her kids turn 18. She got the houses and the mansions, and the guy even had to hide his brand new audi in a friend's garage because she also wanted it.

 

The ex-wife of OP's friend is a dentist. She probably makes a lot of money, why the need to get $1200 a month from him?

 

Sorry he underwent abuse. That's another matter though, not golddigging.
OP needs to tell his friend to sue his ex-wife and get her in jail for the abuse she exerted on him for years, physically and emotionally abusing him. And on the plus side, he'll get custody of his child. I'm baffled that our courts allow people who perpetuate domestic violence to keep their children when they would be far better with the other parent. Why does this happen?!

 

How to weed out golddiggers:

1) Don't date someone you know is too good looking for you if you have money and she doesn't.

Yes, date women who make more money than you. That way you know that if she lets you smash is because she is attracted to you, she isn't having sex with you to convince you to marry her and then to take you to the cleaners €€€€€€€ $$$$$$ £££££3

 

 

2) Golddiggers will start putting sob stories on you and applying either sob story or diva-ish behavior to pressure you to start giving her money of buying her things. It's really pretty obvious as long as the guy hasn't decided to go blind because he wants to believe he can really get someone that much more attractive than him bad enough to overlook it.

 

I dunno about that, man. I know guys who married very ugly/overweight women and they still managed to get a lot of money taken away by the courts, from the guy to the women who were gold-digging. A woman's attractiveness or lack of it doesn't make or break a gold-digger. I know a 70 year old man whose ex-wife began the relationship by being very sexually active with him, until a month after the wedding. Then she starts asking for little gifts before she has sex, culminating in asking for cruise ship tickets around the world just to give him head. And she did that when she was 50, not 20 years old!

 

She looked like Rosie O'Donnell, so yeah extremely unattractive, but she still managed to get what she wanted.

 

Don't get married. Don't have children with someone, and don't co-habitate. Practice serial monogamy. Smash until she starts getting funny ideas. The moment she starts asking where ''this is going'' break up and find another woman. Don't cohabitate because these days the courts award the same rights to the women who live with their partners for a duration of 6 months in some Countries, to 2 years.

 

Don't have children the traditional way. Rent a surrogate mother's services, it will be cheaper than a wife, and you will have 100% custody of the child. Besides, you won't get taken to the cleaners when you sleep with her sister because she's been having nightly headaches for the past 3 weeks.

Edited by sabaton
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littleblackheart

She's a dentist, so she's not a gold-digger.

 

He has 30/70 physical care, 70/30 on child maintenance. Medical bills 70/30 are presumably income-related.

 

That's a fair deal, from the perspective of making sure the child's lifestyle doesn't change too much.

 

If he's not happy, remind him that parental responsibility is 50/50 across the board + income-related. Looks like he is earning more than his exW.

 

Was he looking for financial compensation re the physical and verbal abuse?

 

If I was him, I'd ask for 100 custody. I wouldn't want my kids staying in such a dysfunctional environment - did you friend do that?

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She's a dentist, so she's not a gold-digger.

 

He has 30/70 physical care, 70/30 on child maintenance. Medical bills 70/30 are presumably income-related.

 

That's a fair deal, from the perspective of making sure the child's lifestyle doesn't change too much.

 

If he's not happy, remind him that parental responsibility is 50/50 across the board + income-related. He must be earning more.

 

Was he looking for financial compensation re the physical and verbal abuse?

 

If I was him, I'd ask for 100 custody. I wouldn't want my kids staying in such a dysfunctional environment - did you friend do that?

 

 

Exactly. She's a dentist. There is no reason for her to want $1200 a month for the kid plus having the guy pay for 70% of all medical expenses, when she already makes more money than most men who are alive on this earth right now, especially considering that she's the one who has almost full custody of the child.

 

Plus, she is a perpetuator of domestic violence. This poor man was in a emotionally and highly physically abusive relationship that lasted years. He should sue her, get monetary compensation for the long years he lived in fear for his life, and he should be awarded full custody of the child, and the woman shouldn't be allowed to be in the presence of the child without supervision.

 

Also, she needs to get prosecuted by the courts and serve at least some 5 years behind bars.

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littleblackheart
Exactly. She's a dentist. There is no reason for her to want $1200 a month for the kid plus having the guy pay for 70% of all medical expenses, when she already makes more money than most men who are alive on this earth right now, especially considering that she's the one who has almost full custody of the child.

 

Plus, she is a perpetuator of domestic violence. This poor man was in a emotionally and highly physically abusive relationship that lasted years. He should sue her, get monetary compensation for the long years he lived in fear for his life, and he should be awarded full custody of the child, and the woman shouldn't be allowed to be in the presence of the child without supervision.

 

Also, she needs to get prosecuted by the courts and serve at least some 5 years behind bars.

 

This is court-ordered - we don't know what she/he asked for. This is meant to be in the interest of the child, not their respective bank balance.

 

This deal is fair, if you consider the child to be the priority (which all parents should, frankly). It's a question of sharing parental responsibilities fairly, not who earns what.

 

He should ask for 100 custody and 100 maintenance, if he's that unhappy with the situation. Men can do that, now...

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The child support is based on both parents' financial situation. A cardiac surgeon most likely provided a much higher standard of living for his child than someone who works a factory job. Divorcing doesn't mean the child's standard of living should be lowered to some general standard.

 

I don't think the child support or custody arrangements sound unreasonable or out of line.

 

The described abuse is inexcusable, but a separate matter, not part of the custody/support issue.

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In every state in the US child support is a fixed figure based on income.

 

And for a doctor, 1200 is not extravagant at all.

 

That wouldn’t even cover my kid’s tuition bill for a month.

 

This isn’t gold digging, its standard child support.

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That means the men who marry Californian women have to shell out over $3000 a month in child-support and in alimony, right? Yikes, and here I was thinking a 100 euros for a 18 year top notch escort per hour was too much, there seems to be a lot more men who are not only paying far more than that, but who have to continue to pay fortunes for almost 20 years, in the least.

 

I have no idea. I was married for 25 years and I declined to take alimony. My ex, who is thankfully a great dad, is a complete nightmare to deal with. I wanted to have as little dependence on him as possible. Our court order says he’s supposed to pay me 1800/month. Almost two years ago he texted me saying, “I don’t think I should have to pay you that much money, so I’m just going to give you 1100 from here on out.” I didn’t want my children to watch us fight in court, so it is what it is. I don’t have health insurance because I can’t afford it. I pay half for my older son’s therapy (almost 500/month), which is necessary mostly because he had to watch an ugly divorce and the end of his family as he knew it when he was 10 years old because my ex left me for a friend of ours. I haven’t paid my gas and electric for five months and I’m afraid every day that it’s going to be turned off. It’s been almost two months since I got the last child support payment.

 

He and my old friend have been to Europe several times since we broke up.

 

He and I were both lawyers. I worked for five years after law school and then got pregnant. I was pretty successful but we decided I would stay home with the plan that we’d have a second child as soon as possible and then I’d go back to work when number two started preschool. It took us almost five years to conceive the second because he had fertility problems. Things were really great for all of us because kids had a full time parent, I loved being with them, and he was able to really concentrate on his career without having to worry about them or put too much time in with them. We agreed on this at every step of the way. I had been a stay at home mom for 12 years when we broke up. My career was decimated. His had taken off. We had nearly identical educations in terms of earning potential. When he went to law school his was ranked number four in the country. When I went after he was done, mine was ranked number four. I’m an Uber driver now, which is partly by choice, although it would be very hard for me to get a law job of anywhere near the caliber I was at. But most of the reason I don’t have a more substantial job is that I’ve been having problems with my health that make it really hard for me to work regularly. I often put in 40+ hours a week but any job that would require me to be present at particular times would be impossible. Uber allows me to put in the time when I’m able.

 

So yeah, maybe it’s normal for a woman to get $3000/mo in CS and alimony in California. (How did you know I live in California???). But that would be based on how much each party makes and how long they’d been together, number of children. My ex makes a fair amount of money, I’m sure the average CS payment is way less. And if the parties aren’t making six figures, I doubt that CS plus alimony is even as much as I’m getting.

 

 

And then there’s always the fact that these guys are the fathers! Do they really want for their kids to have nice comfortable homes half the week and then go to mom’s place where they feel unsafe and crowded and have to live on pasta and worry about having the electricity cut? To me, that’s just sick and ****ed up.

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Indeed my friend asked for 100% custody and was denied it; he lives quite well in his city at the moment.

The 1200$ is not truly a hardship - I agree - but the lawyers fees are quite a hardship ;)

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that's 259 000 dollars, plus whatever medical expenses he has to pay for the kid, and then there's the issue of where the woman will sue the guy and make him pay for the kid's college, one day. Why 1200 a month? Does she need a new louis vuitton bag?

 

I take it you don't have kids :laugh:

The child's expenses are ton's more than 1200 a month, twice...

 

She isn't a gold digger just a Mom who has to raise a child on only 1200 a month child support, not that she can't do it but 1200 a month is only 14,400 dollars a year...

He makes that in the clear each week/month...

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Indeed my friend asked for 100% custody and was denied it; he lives quite well in his city at the moment.

The 1200$ is not truly a hardship - I agree - but the lawyers fees are quite a hardship ;)

 

100% custody is a huge responsibility that would have negatively affected his career. Was he proposing that he pay nannies to do the parenting? I'm asking because courts don't favor parents whose solution is to minimize the child's access to the other parent so a nanny can raise the child instead.

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but the lawyers fees are quite a hardship ;)

 

In my first marriage I was married 5 years, I live in a no fault divorce state which you can get a divorce in 31 days and we had no assets together and I paid 36k in attorneys fees.. she didn't want a divorce but I did.. she fought it.

 

I can call her a lot of things but a gold digger wasn't one of them.

 

Attorneys fees are all part of dissolving a marriage and if your friend understands contracts then he should know it was most likely worth every penny he spent to get out and by the sounds of it he isn't paying that much so he got out good.. since they both have good incomes I would assume that is the reason.

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UpwardForward

Seems as if your friend already did all he could, in marrying someone with the same income status. Otherwise the situation could have been a whole lot worse and with having to pay spousal support - on top of child support.

 

I am agreement with those who say - with his status, $1200 is fair. Perhaps the other splits were based on the income of each.

 

Anyone who wants to avoid attorney fees, should work it out ahead of time with each other. Once one gets an attorney, usually the other should get one as well.

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Yes, attorney fees are ridiculous, but a necessary part of ending a marriage, especially when children are involved.

 

I'm a woman. My xH got a big chunk of my retirement funds, but I didn't see it as him being a gold digger. I paid ALL of the legal fees, including the additional fees (which were not small) related to processing the paperwork so that he could get that big chunk of my retirement funds.

 

Just all part of the unpleasant experience of divorce.

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